The Act of Nonconformity

I've been doing a lot of thinking on the subject of conforming lately.  A lot of my friends label themselves as "nonconformists".  Really, only a handful of them actually stand for something in their decision not to conform to the standards of society.  Many of them think they stand for something, but in reality, it's all just an illusion.  It's really gotten me thinking on my stance on the whole thing.

For many of the people I've known in my life nonconformity is a simple thing.  If you want to stand out and show that you go against what society tells you to do, you change your appearance.  Maybe you've got a lot of tattoos or piercings.  Maybe you dress in a weird way.  Perhaps you've got some crazy hair color or style.  Whatever it is, it's seen as a way of not conforming to the will of society.

Here's the problem I have with that.  So what if you dress different?  I dress different than most of the people I know, sometimes in goth or hippie inspired pieces, sometimes just bright, colorful and clashing, sometimes looking a little out of my own time.  That doesn't mean I don't do what society tells me to do.  Does it matter that you have a couple tattoos or piercings?  I've got multicolored dreads, a rather sizable tattoo, ears stretched to fit a two gauge, two holes in my lip and a hole in my nose.  None of those mean I don't do what society is telling me to do.  Actually, in many ways, that "nonconformity" is a means of conforming to society or your peers.  For example, everyone around here has tattoos and piercings, well, maybe not piercings on the soldiers, but you get my point.

This kind of nonconformism is almost like a safe rebellion.  Yes, you're going against the grain and doing things your parents might have rolled their eyes at, but what does it stand against?  Trendiness?  Being mainstream?  But at the same time, this kind of rebellion itself is trendy and mainstream.  It's the kind of rebellion everyone is doing, and because of that, it's not new.  It's not innovative.  It doesn't stand for anything, aside from going against what the generation before us would prefer us to do.  In truth, that stance isn't really a reason to go against anything.

However, there is a small group of my friends who are truly nonconformist.  They go against the grain of society in a way that actually means something.  The things they stand against are standards in society (and I don't just mean the standard of beauty) and, as such, actually do things that make a difference, both for themselves and their families.  They are trying to make a difference in the world around them by going against the grain.  They are true nonconformists, and as such often become activists and the like to show people a new and better way to live.

Many of my friends choose alternative activities at first because of the benefits to their family or information they find that leads them to the right choice.  Many of these things quickly become hot-button issues between the tried and true believers, but there are some that aren't quite such powerful ideas.  Here's a few of the kinds of things I'm talking about.

• Cloth Diapering
• Anti-Circumcision
• Anti-Vaccine
• Sustainable Gardening
• Organic Only Diet
• No GMO Diet
• Vegetarianism/Veganism (for ethical and/or health reasons)
• Raw Foods
• Going Green (since before it was a catch phrase, and often to excessive degrees)
• Chemical-Free Households
• Homeopathic/Holistic Healing
• Homeschooling
• Unschooling
• Handcrafting (to provide needed goods for their family, not just as a hobby)
• Anti-Consumerism
• Sustainable Communities (such as Earthships)
• No Television (from as minor as refusing cable to as major as no video games or anything)
• Natural/Organic Health and Beauty Products

And as much as that may sound like a lot, that's just hitting the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the kids of nonconformists my friends are!  They're some pretty special people (and if the happen to be reading this, they should know I think they're incredible and I love them all very much!)  It's people like those who will change the world, not by dressing "alternatively" and making personal choices in style.  They are actually standing for something, be it personal health,  saving the environment, improving their own financial standing, and raising their kids to be good people who are healthy in mind, body, and soul.

I think that's the biggest thing that bothers me about people who claim not to conform to the standards of society.  All too many of them conform and only enact little rebellions, acceptable rebellions, instead of choosing to stand for something they believe in.  Perhaps if more people recognized that not conforming to the will of society went far deeper than the fashion industry and personal style choices we would have a deeper understanding of where the road parts on going with the flock or standing for your own beliefs.

Lessons from Life: Cooking Fried Potatoes

Given my push to get away from anything I'm allergic to, it's been a challenge to get up in the morning and cook for myself, especially if I'm feeling run down and low on sugar.  I asked Chesh to cook me some breakfast this morning, the fried potatoes he always makes, without the meat and eggs.  We had to switch from vegetable oil to olive oil so I can escape the soy too, but we're still adding a soy-based butter.  It's been an adventure to try and figure out what I can eat, and sometimes waiting to eat has left me so exhausted that the last thing I want to do is cook.  I'm blessed to have someone that actually cooks for me.

Today my daughter decided she wanted to learn about the process of cooking.  She's always been interested in cooking.  It's been a favorite subject of hers.  I wasn't surprised that she wanted to be his little assistant, even though there wasn't much for her to do.

From the kitchen I heard all kinds of questions.  Why do we use a butter substitute?  Why are the potatoes red?  She thought all potatoes were white on the inside.  Why weren't these?  In return she got answers.  I'm allergic to dairy so we can't put regular butter into it.  Potatoes come in yellow, brown, and red on the outside, occasionally even white.  They're just different kinds of potatoes.  As you cook a potato it sometimes changes color.

Isn't this what learning should be about?  Shouldn't kids learn about everything in their world?  Won't it drive them to be interested in other things?  Won't they expand their own knowledge on their own?  Or is better not to expose them to these things in place of a standard education?  Personally, I think my kids are learning just fine the way they are!

When Do Kids Learn Multiplication?

I have to say, I'm really tired of my kids being compared to other kids their age.  They're being held to the standard of public schools.  They're expected to keep on track with what other kids their age are doing.  The funny thing is the people who question me on it, who question my kids, then turn around and ask me what kids are doing in their grade level anyway, like I somehow know that?

When it comes to my kids, I have no idea what "grade level" they're on.  When they truly apply themselves and enjoy it, they're definitely advanced, but when it comes to a subject that bores them, they're probably behind.  Then there's the problem with schools and grade level.  I'm constantly questioned on what kids do in any grade level, and my first thought is, "In what school?"

This is something a lot of people don't stop to consider.  Just because one school teaches multiplication in second grade doesn't mean all of them do.  I've heard (though I wouldn't know personally) that around here they teach multiplication in fourth grade.  My oldest daughter, the age of a second grader, already knows some basic multiplication.  She also understands the concept of money better than most children her age.  Why?  Because we actually use it.  It's a daily life thing and she's learning from the world around her.  Isn't that the best way to learn anyway?  She's come upon it naturally.  In schools, you don't get that.  I've known many a school child to be bored in class or totally left behind because they switched schools and their old school doesn't teach at the same pace as their new school, so obviously school isn't this infallible standard that all kids should be measured up to.

It's funny that our society should get stuck on some kind of standard like grade level.  It allows parents to be competitive over their children, whose kid stayed back and whose is in some advanced program.  It's all decided by their age level, not their interests.  Isn't that some kind of false means of measuring intelligence, talent, and skill?  Some of the brightest people I know are high school drop-outs or did very poorly in school because they were bored, disinterested, and just didn't apply themselves.  Does that mean they're really dumb, or should that be a sign that school just doesn't work?

What about this whole idea that you only can learn certain things based on your age?  How does that model a real-world environment?  Once children reach adulthood the game changes on them.  They don't have to learn anything if they don't want to.  Many of the people I know don't read books, don't research information, and in general don't do anything one might consider educational.  Adulthood hits and they quit learning.  Why?  They're not in school anymore.

Maybe it's me, but I just can't get in the minds of people who don't believe in life-long learning.  Many of these people consider themselves highly intelligent because they were in advanced classes in school or they got a high GPA in college, but they don't make an effort to educate themselves.  Learning is left behind in the classroom, except for the necessary and challenging lessons that life brings.

Somehow I don't think that standard of learning is creating productive and innovative society.  Instead of people who are driven to be intelligent and learn something new every day of their life, there are too many people who slack off and do nothing with their time.  They watch television, play video games, and aren't terribly involved in their family life.

So, when you look at the difference, your average school child learns a whole bunch of determined facts, while your unschooled child learns from life and is set up for a long life of learning.  Which is better?  Does it make more sense for my kids to focus on fitting in with some grade level that's not even going to matter when they hit adulthood?  Does it make more sense to let my children learn from life itself so they will continue to educate themselves and grow straight through their adult life?  Personally, I'd rather see the life-long learning direction than see my kids turn out like so many of the adults I know today.

The Reason We Do It

I have a very small child next to me right now.  He's humming, eating a cracker, and tossing his head from shoulder to shoulder.  His average day is spent toddling around the house, learning everything he can about everything.  He looks at us like he's thinking, "What?  I'm doing science!"

That's the way a small child views the world.  Everything is an opportunity for something new to learn and explore.  There's no such thing as sitting around and playing too much or not doing something educational enough.  Everything is a chance to learn and grow.

Thinking about it, adults do the same thing.  If I want to know about something, I ask questions, read a book about it, or hop online and do some research.  I can make my own choices on what I want to learn and what's important to me.  I'd like to think most adults are the same way.

In school, however, kids don't get that freedom.  Everything they learn comes prepackaged in this box and they aren't allowed to deviate, aside from on their free time.  Even their free time is taken up by school with homework.  It's not even close to the model of learning your standard adult or preschooler uses.  It's so incredibly foreign and different that it almost doesn't even make sense.

Unfortunately, there are articles like this one by ABC talking about unschooling families and any family that doesn't use a "school at home" approach to learning.  True, this family may not be the perfect example of unschooling, especially as their children don't have any interest in going to college, but they're trying to make a point.  Unschooling is unhealthy and damages a child, giving them too much ego and not allowing them the structure a child needs.  They even go so far as to say one of the children doesn't like sports, not that he'd know because he's not exposed to sports through a PE class.

That last statement gets under my skin.  Not everyone finds out they like sports through PE class.  Actually, in my experience PE class usually gets met with kids who mock the gym teacher and do everything they can to avoid going.  They hate the games that they play and most kids lose their love of sports, at least that's my experience.  PE class doesn't teach kids to like sports.  That's not even what it's there for.  PE class is to make sure kids get a healthy amount of exercise each day.

Further, homeschooled and unschooled kids love sports!  Well, maybe not all of them do, but they do take the opportunities to try them out if they're so inclined.  For example, I'm planning on starting both my older kids on soccer in the winter.  Unfortunately, youth soccer is about the only sport that's available and well known about in this area.  Even so, they've both expressed an interest in soccer as well as martial arts.  How can that be bad for them?  It's definitely an opportunity to learn, grow, exercise, make new friends, and have fun.  Isn't that what being a kid is about?

All too often I've seen it portrayed that unschooling families, whether radical or not, are giving their children too much power and in return their kids don't learn anything.  Given the opportunity their kids will do nothing but eat junk food and play video games all day.  Well, that's something to consider, yes, but as a parent, I can do something about that.  If the kids are hungry and want a snack, I can make sure healthy snacks are available and keep the junk food at a distance.  If they want to watch television all day, I can suggest something really interesting to watch, like a documentary on my child's favorite subject, or give them some other option that's so fun and irresistible that they're not likely to want to watch television at all.  If they don't want to do it, well, what harm is there in watching a little television?  More often than not, when the suggestion of something more fun and interesting comes up, the television goes off without a problem.

Somehow it strikes me as odd, and a little bit fishy, that big media corporations paint such a dark light on those who choose to raise their children in an alternative way.  Even shows like Mom Swap, or whatever it's called, are prone to showing alternative families in a very bad light when they pair them up with some very normal seeming family.  It's striking that somehow these corporations seem to think that non-standard families are somehow a threat to society.  After all, if they were showing them in the positive, healthy light that they're seen by the families that choose it, perhaps more people would choose to do it too.

When it comes down to it, I'm noticing more and more each day that we prefer to unschool around here rather than teach formal lessons.  We tend to learn things on the fly and focus on what the kids are interested in.  It's almost freeing not to have to worry about what I'm going to teach the next day and how I'm going to get my kids involved in lessons they have no interest in.  Instead of all that, I'm finding myself more and more capable of introducing my own interests to my kids.  It's a more natural way of learning.

Twain and our Economy

I was listening to CraftLit today while I was working on some knitting.  I'm a bit behind on the current episodes, so I'm still stuck on A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court.  I'm nearing the end of the book and have been loving it so far.  I just wish I had more time to sit down with the podcast, but carving an hour out of any day can be daunting with Marrok, Chesh, and the kids hovering over me.  I'm beginning to think I'm just not allowed a moment of peace and quiet unless I'm working on my book!

During the podcast Heather made an interesting observation on the chapters we would soon be hearing.  She observed that Twain would make a commentary on the state of the economy, something that's still true today.  She kind of wished everyone would be required to read these chapters.  I have to say, I'm inclined to agree.

In this book, Twain makes a really good point.  People talk a good deal about wages.  Minimum wage gets a lot of attention these days.  When it was $5.12 per hour, people thought it was incredibly low.  Now it's up to $7.25 per hour and rising.  A lot of people see this as a great thing.  Everyone on the low end makes more money, so we must be doing economically better, right?

Unfortunately not.  With the rise in minimum wage we've also seen a matching, possibly even exceeding rise in cost of living.  For example, when I got to Texas just over two years ago we were paying $2.50 for a gallon of gas and that seemed steep.  The gas cost skyrocketed up to nearly $4 per gallon the very next summer.  Granted, gas prices drop and rise in a crazy way, but that's how everything is.  The cost of living isn't as close to as low as it was back when minimum wage was $5.12 per hour.

I hate to say it, but what we're looking at when we talk about wages is the base wage.  We're not talking about purchasing power here.  We're not taking a look at how much you can buy with that money.  Sadly, the amount we can buy with our dollar is going down faster than the minimum wage is going up.  What does this mean?  Our economy is going to tank, not because minimum wage isn't high enough, but because the cost of living keeps on going up faster than our minimum wage.

It was proven time and time again that your average family cannot afford to live off of minimum wage.  It would take approximately three minimum wage jobs in any given area to cover the cost of expenses to maintain your average home and family with two kids.  This isn't even talking about excesses such as car payments and things like that.  That should be telling us something.

I've heard a lot of people blame the feminists.  If they didn't insist that women work we wouldn't need two incomes just to get by.  The problem isn't the feminists, it's our standard of living.  Our need to live in excess, create debt for ourselves, and live above our means has caused the need for two working parents in a family. If we could all learn to live within our means, not buy unneeded things, and make the most of our time, perhaps the face of our economy would change.  I know it's just food for thought at this point, but isn't that where everything starts?

So what am I going to do?  I know there's really nothing I can do about the minimum wage or the cost of living, but I can take a stand and make sure my dollars count.  Instead of buying expensive toys for my kids, I'm going to focus on affordable, as I have been.  I'm going to watch my personal spending and make sure my money is only going out to things I can actually condone and support.  I'm going to make sure the items my family has are quality, even if that means paying a bit more or doing a bit more work.  In the long run, it will be worth it.  If it outlives it's value, that's all that I care.

In the end, we're not really so much better than all these other countries out there.  For a little bit of a shocking reality check, take a look at this article, courtesy of Heather Ordover from CraftLit.  Go down the whole list.  Pay attention to both the prices, and how much food their family survives off of.  You might just be surprised at the degree to excess in which Americans live...

Carving out a Little Space

Since we've moved here we've had tons of challenges.  Not only were there the complications of adjusting to a new space, but also adapting to having so little.  I didn't have a desk to work on.  We didn't have much in the way of furniture at all.  Things were pretty sparse for a while.

Then we were gifted with furniture, and that was fantastic.  We've now got a table that's now my desk, chairs, couches, an arm chair, a couple bookshelves, and a dresser.  While this stuff can be seen as just stuff and unnecessary, it does generally help make a place easier to live in.  Unfortunately, as much as we have, we just don't have enough.

Of course, the acquiring of furniture takes time, as does finding a home for everything.  When you've got more stuff than places to put it all, that makes it easy for the clutter to spill out into every corner of your house.  When you live with someone like Chesh, who doesn't clean up after himself pretty much at all, never mind doing it well, it becomes even more of a challenge.  This can be attested to by the stack of boxes in my couch which were set to go out months ago.  When the boxes started to pile up, so did everything else and no one seemed to much care.

With all the writing work I've been doing I've decided I need a desk.  I need to have somewhere I can sit and work in peace, even though that doesn't much happen around here.  Unless I lock myself in my bedroom, it's never peaceful here, or quiet.  Still, having a focused space in the living room is better than nothing.  Right now we're working with the table my friend gave me, as we have nothing else.  I've managed to set up a nice little knitting basket.  We've got a Scentsy warmer on the table and I've got my purse hanging on my chair, convenient and easy to find.  There's still a lot of work to do around here, but we're making progress.

Honestly, I think I needed this.  I needed a little bit of space so I could work by myself.  It's my one little space where I can work without having a million distractions or clutter in my face.  This is definitely what I needed.  I think I can finally focus.

Cooking for my Family, the Cost of Cooking from Scratch

In the past I've always said I didn't want to cook from home for a reason.  Cooking from scratch is expensive.  It means you've got to have all the ingredients themselves on-hand, which isn't so expensive, I guess, if you have them all on hand already, or if you just need to pick up a little bit of this or that.  For me, cooking from home always seemed more of a luxury than I could afford, even with all the extra work required.

Yesterday was a prime example of that.  I went to the store with my dear friend.  We had to get some things into the house that I could actually eat.  Since I'm kicking all the things I'm allergic to, that doesn't leave terribly much, and as I looked at the items in the store, it became even more apparent that "not much" should really read, "nothing your average grocery store in Texas sells."  I ended up making sacrifices for things I really shouldn't be eating because I just don't want to give up everything I like all at once.

To give you an idea of what this diet means, doing it right means giving up everything.  There's no butter substitute (they all have soy), no cheese substitute (they have milk protein and soy), no store-bought flour in this area, no bread, no baked goods, no cereal, no granola bars, no candy, no snack food, no anything.  Even things that seem safe, like salt and vinegar chips, as it turns out, the vinegar flavor is made with dairy.  It's not so much the dairy that's the problem, though that is a challenge in it's own.  It's giving up soy.  It's shocking how many things are made with soy these days!

Taking a look at what's available to me, that leaves a very meat and potatoes kind of situation for meals.  We can't do anything creative because most creativity involves dairy of some kind, flour, or breading.  I suppose in many ways it's healthier to take a meat and potatoes kind of approach to things, but it's definitely limiting when the local grocery store's idea of produce is a small selection of broccoli, carrots, corn, and potatoes.  I was lucky enough to find some summer squash and acorn squash.  I've never eaten acorn squash, so I'm interested to see what that's going to be like.

It doesn't help that some of the substitutes are very expensive.  Coconut milk, rice milk, rice flour (which I have to order online around here), and all of that are very pricey.  I'm learning that fresh meats, fruits, and vegetables are very expensive too.  I'm not sure how long we can afford doing this!  Then again, we may find that cooking like this actually reduces the overall amount that we eat, but it's frustrating nonetheless.

Last night's grocery bill doubled our family's meal cost for the week last night, and all we did was avoid prepackaged foods.  Because I'm gravitating towards things that are good for me, healthy for the whole family, and are fresh, raw ingredients, things are getting that much more expensive.

Healthy and organic, one would imagine, wouldn't be a significantly more expensive option when it comes to cooking.  Families should be able to eat for less when they buy foods they make from scratch, things that will be healthy for them.  I've always thought the exchange was supposed to be things made from scratch cost less, but required much more work.  Prepackaged foods were supposed to cost more, but were quick and easy.  Now it seems like there's no exchange at all.  You have to be made of money to cook good, quality, healthy meals for your family.