A Bit of Reflection

Due to the recent visit from a good friend of mine, I've kind of started to reflect on my life and my situation.  In many ways, I'm pretty lucky to find a place where my kids and I kind of fit in.  The value of having a place I feel like I belong has seemed far too underplayed in my life.

As much as I've got a lot going on in my life that isn't great, I think I've got a lot going for me in my life.  Yeah, I'm getting divorced.  We're having a hard time getting all of our bills paid, so money is incredibly tight.  We live in a neighborhood that, well, isn't exactly one of those neighborhoods people want to actively get into.  In general, our situation isn't all that great.  In comparison to the other homeschool families I know that all seem to have money (aside from the friend who visited, because she understands where we're coming from), I've got to admit that I'm a bit embarrassed to have people over.  Of course, I'm not going to be like my mother was and refuse to let my kids have friends over.  I just need to communicate to these families that we're doing the best we can with what we've got.  No one can really expect more than that.  I know some people will judge us for it, but that's more their problem than it is mine.  If my kids can't be friends with theirs because we're all too happy to get second-hand clothing and we live in a poor neighborhood, maybe they're not the kind of people I want involved in my children's lives, you know?  Situation isn't everything and we're doing the best we can with what we've got.  The fact that we are willing to homeschool even with our limited resources should, at the very least, show how incredibly dedicated we are.

There really are a lot of families out there who would judge me on my situation.  I have to admit to the twinge of nervousness I have when I invite someone over that's clearly in a better situation than I am financially.  When I see their house is big, beautiful, in a quiet neighborhood (and quite likely, very expensive), it worries me to invite them back to our small upstairs three bedroom in a fourplex right down the street from the club with the worst reputation in town.  It makes them wonder how they're going to judge me, or if they just won't want to come over because of our situation.  It's not easy for me.

Thankfully, the co-op is filled with a lot of families that just don't seem to ask too many questions.  They don't pry into my life.  They don't ask what my husband does.  They've asked how I ended up here in Texas, so the divorce came up, but no one seemed to really have anything to say about it, beyond giving the impression that they felt it is what it is and our experiences make us stronger.  I seem like a happy person in spite of it all, and my kids are great, so why should it matter that I'm getting divorced?  It's a wonderful thing.  Everyone is so kind and supportive.  It just seems like a group of people that really gets me, even if they don't understand everything about me.  I'm not treated differently for having a face full of metal, two gauge earrings, and dreads in my hair.  I'm not treated differently because I show up in thigh-high striped socks and sneakers under my shorts and just don't look like what most people would expect when they think of "mother", never mind "homeschooling mother".  Then you throw in "unschooling mother" and I've gotten some really odd looks!  It's amazing what people can expect of you when you throw those labels around!

When my friend visited, I realized just how lucky I was to have her.  It's not often I find people who are as wonderful as she's been.  She's been there with me through the divorce.  We were pregnant together when I was pregnant with my littlest.  We've had countless conversations, and even a couple falling-outs, but in the end we're always friends.  On the last visit I got a laugh out of her forgetting the cloth diapers I pulled out for her when she left.  I know she can be flighty (and I don't feel bad judging because I think I'm worse than she is by far!) and it makes me smile with little things like that.  It's not just because I know she's forgetful, but also because it's almost like she planned it that way, so I'd have to see her again sooner rather than later!  She's the one that first told me about this magical thing called "unschooling", which really fit exactly the direction I was trying to go with my children.  I just wish I'd known about it sooner!  I would have felt a lot more confident in the way I was raising my children!  She thought I was so well-read on the subject, but I've got to admit, I wasn't well read on much to do with homeschooling and unschooling until I'd met her.  She made a huge impact on my life, more than I really thought she would.  Because of her, I've felt a lot more confident in my decisions as a parent, and a lot of the choices I've made in my life, especially recently.  I can't tell you how lucky I am to have her as a friend!

As she said, a lot of people have been having this great epiphany moment in their lives lately.  I couldn't place my finger on just how I was feeling, but that's exactly how I feel.  I've found a place where I belong.  There are options right in front of my nose, just screaming to be taken.  It feels like I've got work to do and I just need to figure out what direction I need to go.  I just want to immerse myself into this whole homeschooling/unschooling thing.  Suddenly I just want to give up a lot of the things that really get in the way of being the mother I want to be.  It's shocking how fast my children are growing up and in many ways I feel like I've lost touch.  I just don't know them anymore.  I don't know their hopes, their dreams, all because life has gotten in the way.  I haven't had the time to dedicate to them the way I always thought I would, and it's time to reconnect.  I've had that epiphany.  If I start living the life I feel I'm meant to lead everything else will just somehow magically fall into place.  Yes, it's going to require a lot of hard work, but that's part of the direction I need to go.  The work is all part of the journey.

Already in the past few weeks I've started making major changes in my life.  I've started to do the work and already the benefits are paying off.  My kids are all much happier.  I feel like I have a place I belong at the co-op.  I'm making connections with old friends that I really need in my life right now (whether I was willing to admit it in the past or not!)  Things are already starting to magically fall in place.  (Okay, so I guess it doesn't count as "magically" if it's really my hard work paying off...)  I've got a long way to go, but I'm definitely not going to let myself lose touch with my kids like that again.  With every step forward I'm getting that much closer to the vision of what I want in my life.  Isn't that a beautiful thing?

Parenting with Respect

I’ve been reading the book Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason lately. It’s really got me thinking about the way I live my life. As parents, we all do our best to be the best possible parents we can be. We take the advice we come across and make of it what we can. It’s been an interesting journey for me. It really made me think.

When it comes to kids, I’ve kind of been missing the mark on what I intend to do. I get so frustrated sometimes. It’s far easier to think of my kids as being willful or bratty at times than to look beneath all of that to find out what the real problem is. In the moment when my daughter is wailing like a banshee, my middle son pooped in his underwear for the fifth time that week, and my littlest is throwing a fit over every little thing anyone does in his presence, it’s challenging to step back and look at the underlying problems. It’s so much easier to punish them and send them off to their rooms. They’re being bad and they really need to stop before Mommy blows a gasket. Can you blame me? Hasn’t everyone hit that wall? It’s the point where you’re so frustrated, wound up, and irritable that it seems like nothing you can do will ever stop the fighting, bickering, and general chaos. It’s that point where it’s so much easier to just do something to make them regret ever acting that way and be done with it.

This is kind of how it’s been. I’ve had to get used to constant bouts of “willful behavior” every time my oldest two’s father enters the scene. It started with his deployments to Iraq, but things got no better after he got back. There’s just something about his presence that completely undid much of my hard work. It was frustrating, and eventually lead me to turn from being the parent I wanted to be.


While he was gone on his first deployment I’d picked up Unconditional Parenting and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. I’d gone through them and started to work on some of the strategies proposed. It didn’t take long before my “willful”, stubborn, and outright challenging daughter started to show a very different face. She was fun to be around. We enjoyed having talks (even though I have to admit I didn’t spend near as much time with her as I probably should have). We were really able to connect. With all the other stresses in my life, I couldn’t manage to do much with her for more than an hour or two during the day, but I was making steady efforts to up my game and involve her in my life as much as I could, as long as I could tolerate before the constant questions started to drive me into madness. With very little support and a baby in the house, giving her the attention she needed was daunting, but I did the best I could. By the time my husband got back those two hours of time spent with a curious four-year-old didn’t seem quite so much like torture. She was actually listening to what I had to say, and the more we actually engaged each other in conversation, the better things started to be.

Unfortunately, that all changed when Daddy came home. He wasn’t at all supportive of the idea of parenting with unconditional love. When the kids were bad they need to be punished, and severely. He took almost a “scared straight” approach to parenting. He’d always encouraged me to use things like, “Your Daddy is going to be very upset with you if you don’t stop (insert name of bad behavior).” I was supposed to threaten them with Daddy’s love, even though he wasn’t there. It might have been different if they both got more love and affection from him while he was there, but he was very distant and lived by the mentality that children were to be seen and not heard. It very much appeared as though children were an inconvenience to his life at best. It was frustrating and the power struggles between my daughter and her father drove me insane. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with her when he wasn’t around because all the positive strategies I was trying to use went right out the window when he walked in the door. I was being too soft on the kids, so he said, and they needed stronger discipline. I was far too permissive. They needed to do exactly as they were told at all times, end of story.

In the time that he and I have been separated, we’ve been through a lot of trying situations. It seems like no one I’ve surrounded myself with understands the concepts of what I’m going for. I keep hearing, “You can’t let them get away with that!” and “Your kids walk all over you!” In a lot of these cases, an honest look at the situation makes me wonder what’s so wrong with it. When my kids get up in the morning I’m often met with my daughter waking me up to ask for breakfast. I’m honestly at the point where I’m ready to tell her to stop asking me and just go make it if she’s hungry. I try to get up when they do, but I’ll admit it’s not easy. Some days I just want to lounge in bed and listen to them go about their morning routine without being involved. The door to my room is always open, so I can hear if there’s trouble, and if they need me they can just come right in. That’s kind of my way of allowing myself the freedom to enjoy my slow start in the mornings, because I know how I tend to be. They come and ask a million questions. They want to play with their toys in the living room where all the people are. They like eating what they want off their plate, and while I don’t enjoy wasting food, I don’t believe in forcing kids to eat something they just don’t like.  I don't see what's so wrong with all of this.  In some cases, like not letting them shower for hours, it's understandable.  Water is expensive and we're in the middle of a drought, so I don't really want to be spending a small fortune on the water bill.  That money would do better to go to something for the kids or the house.  Aside from that, if they're hungry, shouldn't they eat?  If they've got a question, shouldn't they ask it?  If they want to learn, shouldn't they have every resource that's available to them?  Most of all, what's so wrong with just wanting to spend time with and play around the people that they love?  Isn't that a healthy behavior?

Looking at how most children are raised I'm starting to realize that our culture is heavily based on "no" and exiling children.  As child-friendly as America claims to be, I keep hearing reports daily about how restaurants want to ban children, airlines are banning children from first class, and grocery stores are talking about restricting the hours children can be present.  This doesn't tell me our culture is child-oriented or even child-friendly.  It tells me that our children are a hassle and an inconvenience.  I can't count the number of times I've heard parents tell their children, "Just go to your room and play!"  The same goes for telling them things like, "Stop hovering!"  My personal favorite is, "Stop bugging me!"  Inquisitive children are told to stop asking so many questions.  Children are sent away so adults can hold conversations without a million interruptions.  When they're disobedient they're punished, even if it is as gentle as "time-out".  More often than I see loving affection, consideration, and joy from parents who are out with their kids, it's often chastising, criticisms, and threats.  It's sickening!  What's most sickening of all is I've noticed I've done it too.

What kills me most about this is it seems to go against everything we want for our kids.  We want them to grow up to be respectful, creative, innovative adults that are truly capable of accomplishing what they want in life, but all too often they're not getting what they need out of the way they're raised.  Let's face it, if you were a kid in time-out your thoughts are likely not going to be, "Maybe I shouldn't do that next time."  No, it's more often something akin to, "My mom's so mean!  This is so unfair!"  Another common thought, one of my personal favorites when I was a child, "How can I do that next time without getting caught?  The way I see it, that was my only real mistake."  That doesn't show me that my actions are wrong, that I'm hurting other people, or that whatever I did doesn't serve my own greatest good.  Instead I was often taught the important lesson of being crafty and outwitting my parents.  Is that really the kind of lesson I want to teach my kids?

Earlier on this blog I was reviewing the book Setting Limits with Your Strong-Willed Child : Eliminating Conflict by Establishing Clear, Firm, and Respectful Boundaries.  While it did have a lot of good advice on stopping conflict, and fast, it seemed to miss the point of raising children.  The choices suggested to be offered weren't real choices.  ("You can turn the television off now or I can turn it off for you.")  It failed to address the fact that children act this way for a reason.  They're not testing you to see where their limits are when they do things they shouldn't.  Instead they're acting out for a reason.  Perhaps the little girl in their example of blowing bubbles in her cup wasn't just doing it to see what her parents would do.  Perhaps there was something going on in the family's life and she suddenly felt she wasn't getting the attention she needs.  Maybe there's a new baby in the house and she feels a little neglected.  What about the possibility that she doesn't understand how annoying her activity is and thinks she's just "doing science" as we've started putting it in our house.  Maybe she just wanted to watch the interesting reaction and helping her to understand why she shouldn't be doing that sort of thing will help her "make the right choice" next time.  Many of the examples of limit setting are respectful on the outside, but will still set your family up for additional conflict over time.  It doesn't teach children that their parents are there for them.  It doesn't teach children that they can come to their parents with anything without having to risk "being in trouble".  Instead it teaches them that their parents are the boss.  "What I say goes or I'll punch you in the nose," as my parents used to jokingly say.  Is that really what we're going for here?

I can only hope that when my kids are older I've been able to foster enough of a respectful, caring environment with my kids that they are comfortable talking to me, even if I'm not going to like what they have to say.  I hope that we can have open communication and a good understanding of why I put my foot down on the things I do.  I hope I can raise my kids to make the right decisions for themselves, not because it's what I want them to do.  Most importantly, I don't want my kids to be surrounded by a world of no only to go haywire when they finally do get that one yes.  Most importantly, I want them to know that they're loved for who they are, no matter how bad they mess up and how much I may disagree with the way they do things.  I just wish other parents could see it the same way.

My Little Artist (and Maybe Writer)

Just this week at the playground after the co-op, the girls were hanging out and working on art projects.  I had no idea what they were doing, and didn't want to bother them, so I just let them be.  My youngest was a handful enough given he didn't want to eat, drink, or do anything.  He was just miserable.  I just hoped my daughter wasn't imposing herself on the older girls too terribly much.  No one seemed to be complaining, so I didn't even think to ask her about it.

When we were leaving, my daughter said, "We were making ATC cards.  Can I finish mine when I get home?" I had no idea what these ATC cards were.  She was holding out a little piece of card stock that she was drawing on.  I had no problem with her finishing that when she got home.  It was just another drawing, right?

The past few days she's been doing nothing but drawing.  I'm a little afraid she's going to run us out of art supplies in the house!  While I've got two boxes of crayons, some colored pencils (though the pencil sharpener is MIA), and a bunch of markers, we've been going through paper incredibly fast.  I don't know if I can keep up with it!

Not only is she drawing pictures, but she's coming up with stories to go with them.  She told me the other day that she wanted to be a writer some day.  I told her she couldn't just illustrate her books.  She'd have to tell the story too.  Maybe that will inspire her to work on her other skills too.  She's starting to become a really creative story teller!  Unfortunately, that means she's going through paper even quicker to keep up with her stories.  I wish I had an infinite budget for art supplies!  I'd keep her going as long as she's got interest!

My daughter isn't the best artist.  She's constantly complaining that she's not as good of an artist as the other kids in her class.  It's understandable.  They've probably been working on art projects a lot longer than she has.  We haven't spent much as much time on art as maybe I'd like, mostly because of how fast they go through paper!  She's also younger than a lot of the girls in her class, and I don't give her any solid direction.  I want her to draw what's in her mind, not what I tell her to draw.  If she wants to draw a bunny, I want her to show me what it looks like to her.  If she's going to draw a sunset, I want to see how she sees a sunset.  I don't want to tell her how to do it or how to improve her skills because I want her to come to it naturally.  If she asks me for help, I'm not going to tell her to figure it out on her own, but until she asks me for help, I'm not going to step in.  I always hated when my mom criticized my art, and while it did make me a better artist in the long run (not that I ever got all that great), I don't want my daughter to go through those feelings of rejection.  Instead, I'll try and give her as loose instruction as I can, giving her the general idea and then letting her figure out how she thinks it will work.  She doesn't need me cramping her style!

So the other day when they were all out there, they were working on something they called ATC.  I had no idea what they were talking about, but when I got an e-mail about the homeschool play group on Friday, it was mentioned again.  The house we're going to has a pool, plenty of space for kids to run, and there would be craft supplies because they want to do ATC again.

Having no idea what ATC was, I had to check it out.  For all I knew it could be like all the kids in one class busting out in the songs from choir that they all knew.  It could be some religious thing that my daughter was sure to miss out on, simply because she isn't raised that way.  I wasn't sure how I felt about her getting involved with anything I didn't know about, religious or otherwise, mostly because I want to be aware of what she's doing and what she's getting into.  Being something the co-op kids do, I couldn't imagine it would be all that bad, but it's got to be better than the trends towards those teen pop stars like Taylor Swift or that Justin Bieber kid.

As it turns out, ATC stands for Artist Trading Cards.  There's another version called ATEO, which is Artist Trading Editions and Originals.  Basically they're little trading cards that the artist decorates with the media of their choosing.  They can hand these cards out for trade or sell them for a profit.  The general idea seemed to be that these are small samples of your artwork to be shared among friends and other artists.  The cards can be purchased in packs, or they can be cut by hand.  Generally they're made of some sort of card stock, but it looks like there's all kinds of materials available on the market.

I'm thinking when I save up a bit of money I may need to get my daughter some cards to work on.  They're small, quick projects and the girls from the homeschool group all seem to do them.  This would be something she could share with them while working on her art skills.  She could hand them out to friends or send them to family.  They're just the perfect size for sharing.  They may be a little bit on the expensive side when compared to the cost of drawing paper, but I think it'll be worth it in the end.

My little artist has come so far, from not wanting to do anything with art for so long to living for it day by day.  We're going to have a lot to work on, and she'll have plenty of new opportunities to work on her skills in the future.  I've already got tons of ideas on what new art projects we can do.  Now I just need to find the infinite budget so we can do them all!

The Co-op Is So Refreshing!

Yesterday was a quiet day at the co-op.  Several of the families just weren't going to make it.  It felt a little strange to be there with so few people there.  Even so, it wasn't too bad.  It was just one of those days I guess.

Because of the events of the day, things didn't go as planned.  We've been combining the kinder-music class with the sign language class for practicality.  Both of them take about a half of the time and the Littles really seem to be more interested in the fun things the Super Littles are doing, so it made it challenging.  It's hard when you have to hear the music from next door, which sounds like so much fun, and then have to sit and pay attention.  I get where they're coming from.  Yesterday the sign teacher was out, so we ended up skipping the sign portion of the class.  No one really seemed to know what to do and I'll be honest, I wanted to continue the class without her, but I couldn't imagine what I would teach!  I'm very rusty at sign at best!  We don't really use it at home much, and never have, so I'm not terribly familiar.  However, all of the kids got to enjoy the play time, and the music was a hit, as always.

For the third class of the day, I was alone.  I have to admit, I hadn't really talked to the mom who had offered to help me watch the two Super Littles, and someone had suggested we just bring them all to the Littles' class on the human body.  We decided to give that a go.  It meant I didn't have to be brave enough to come out of my shell and talk to a mom I barely knew for a whole hour.  My littlest one was tired and cranky the whole class, and I think the two Super Littles were distracting, but for one class it wasn't the end of the world, and the teacher didn't seem to mind, so we just went with it.  It was just going to be for one class because of the absences, and it was a nice chance to see what my older son was doing.

Late last night, just as I was curling up to sleep, I got an e-mail from the woman organizing the co-op.  She was asking all the moms of the Littles and the Super Littles how they felt about the two age groups and classes.  She wanted to know how we all felt about the situation.  There were a lot of changes in the co-op for this semester. The Middles were divided in two.  The Littles just opened up to four-year-olds, when previous to that the youngest were five year olds.  Now we're looking at the combination of classes and she was wondering if we wanted to do that, or if we'd thought it better to keep them separate, or how we wanted to go with it.  This is our co-op.  What do we want to do with it?

I have to admit, I was thrilled to have it come up in such an open and immediate way.  She was very direct with the question, and definitely was leaving it up to us parents to discuss, share, and figure out what we wanted to do.  Ideas are already flowing and it's only been a day.  Four of the moms from those age groups have already weighed in and it hasn't even been a whole day since that e-mail went out.  It seems like we all agree the third class of the day was a one-time thing in order to deal with the absences, but in the future, the classes will be separate.  It also seems that about half the moms like the new format of the second class.  I love how one mom put it.  The reason she homeschools is to get away from rigid structure.  What happened in the class is just a reflection of that go with the flow feeling she's going for.  I very much feel the same way.

I don't know what the end result of all of this will be.  Even with my very strong willed nature, I've got no attachment to the outcome (something that's very unusual for me).  I'm happy no matter how things go because my kids are loving the co-op, and now I have confidence that I will too!

On top of it all, there was a mother there that I was a little concerned about.  It's not that I thought she was a bad parent or anything.  I just thought there could be considerable friction between us because of our varying views.  I mentioned an idea last week and she immediately shot it down.  I felt like she was treating me like I didn't know what I was talking about.  I was concerned that we would continue down this path.  She and I would continue not to see eye to eye.  Between talking to her for a good long while yesterday and her input on the discussion, I'm really feeling like we perhaps see more eye to eye than I thought.  I'm actually starting to *gasp* like her!

It's morning.  Sunshine is splashing in the window.  The house is pretty peaceful and quiet.  That's how it's starting to be every morning.  While I used to roll out of bed, tired and annoyed, somewhere around 11am, I'm finding that I like my morning ritual of being up by seven, woken by the kids as they get up and request breakfast.  It's quiet and peaceful.

It used to be that someone else would get up with the kids.  My family was so scattered with people on different sleep schedules.  Often times I would be up late with someone, and in turn someone else would have to get up early with the kids.  I hated it.  It felt like I was missing so much, but I didn't know what else to do.  My life kind of demanded that schedule.

When the co-op started a couple weeks back, I had to make a drastic change in my life.  I was up in the morning, ready to go, though exhausted, at 7am.  We were out the door an hour and a half later and I was expected to function, be aware, and be a good mom.  That first week was trying, I'll admit.  I was exhausted, understandably so since my sleep schedule hadn't even begun to change over.  I felt so out of place and I almost hated my new sleep schedule before I really gave it a chance.

Almost three weeks later I'm finding that I don't feel driven to try and wake up early on only one day of the week.  Most days the latest I sleep in is 8, and that's only because the kids sleep in too.  Most mornings I'm up not much after 7am.  It's been nice.  It makes the day seem so much longer, and by 10pm, I'm about ready to call it a night.  I'm starting to feel like a normal mom these days.  I have to admit, it's pretty wonderful!

Now my mornings are a very different creature.  I wake up to the kids asking me if they can have breakfast most mornings, if I don't wake up just before they do.  It's the same thing every morning.  They wake up, get dressed, and ask me if they can have breakfast.  Every morning I tell them the same thing, that they can make it when they're ready, as long as they're quiet.  Chesh works overnights, so they can't be loud while he's trying to catch up on sleep during the day.  They go from breakfast to wanting to color, look at books, or ask me a million questions.  Mornings are surprisingly quiet around here, aside from on co-op days.  I'm actually enjoying my mornings, even though I always swore I was never much of a morning person.

Co-op days, on the other hand, are all kinds of chaotic.  We all get up at 7am and there's a mad dash for my older two to get dressed while I get the littlest breakfast.  As I'm getting dressed and doing something with my hair to keep it from my face all day, the older two join the littlest for breakfast.  Then there's a bustle of activity as I get the little one ready and my older two brush their hair, check their bags to make sure everything's packed for class (though they do most of it the day before), and I go about putting my older son's hair back in a ponytail, since class is probably so much easier when his hair isn't in his face.  He hates his hair pulled back in a ponytail.  Then my daughter decides last minute that she wants me to do her hair too (which thankfully I've anticipated and started on the hair earlier), so I have to figure out something for that.  Thankfully, most days a ponytail is good enough for her.  I'm thinking I've got to get some pretty barrettes or hair clips for her too because then we'll have so many more options while her hair is still too short to do much with.  Once it's longer she and I may have to get up earlier so I can do different things for her.  I double check my supplies in the diaper bag (which I'd already stocked the day before), fill the littlest's sippy cups, and hand my older two juice, fruit snacks, rice cakes, and apple sauce while they make their sandwiches.  Then my little snails and I head out to the car.  I've decided my older two are racing snails, while the littlest is just your regular old sluggish snail.  They're at the car with everything packed up and in the car before my littlest and I finally make our slow descent down the stairs.  Once we've made that last step, however, everyone races to the car.  The older two hop in the back and the littlest tries to convince me he's old enough to ride in a regular car seat so he can get into the seat himself.  It's not going to be long before he's in a forward facing seat, so maybe that will change.  Once everyone's in and buckled, we're off for the half hour drive up to the co-op while I'm eating something quick for breakfast on the way.  One of these days I'm going to actually start making breakfasts, I swear!

One would think I wouldn't like the co-op days in comparison to the calm, relaxed mornings every other day.  I've never been much for getting up in the morning to hit the ground running.  Everyone knows I prefer to relax in the morning and slowly work my way into whatever I'm doing for the day.  Strangely, I like the co-op days so much more.  I kind of wish we did the co-op more than once each week!  I can't even imagine what I would do if we didn't sign up for the co-op again next semester!  I think I've got to start looking for more activities to get the kids involved in so we'll have more opportunities to get up and go in the morning.  That way the kids can have more fun activities to do every day and I'll have all the more reason to get everyone up, going, and out the door in the morning.  Who would have thought it's the crazy mornings where we've got to get ready and out the door would be my favorite?

For years I thought these early morning starts were just too early.  It was torture to have to get up before 8am, and anything before 9 was just unlikely.  Now I think 8am is sleeping in and anything after 9 is just unreasonable!  I'm working towards getting up at 7am every morning, and would be willing to get up earlier if need be.  I think I might just get into the trend of being a morning person.

The funny thing is I used to use early mornings as a reason why my kids don't go to school.  I didn't want to get up early to get them fed, dressed, and out the door in time for school.  Now I'm realizing that's not a problem for me at all, and probably wouldn't be.  The problem comes in at putting them on the bus.  Of course, I can work around that by driving them to school.  Then the problem would be leaving them at school all day.  In general, my reasons for homeschooling go far beyond getting up in the morning.  I have no problem dropping them off in their classes at the co-op, but that's a family-oriented event, very different than dumping your kids in school and leaving to spend the day doing other things.

I guess this dynamic change to being a morning person has really made an impact on my life.  It's made me realize that my laziness in the morning has absolutely nothing to do with my choice to homeschool.  If anything, since the co-op, it's been even more of a motivation not to be lazy, to pick up and start doing the things I need to be doing.  It's given me the gift of enjoying my mornings with my children, whether it's a crazy, chaotic morning on the go, or a lazy morning where I can hang out with my kids while drinking tea and being as lazy to make my own breakfast as I want.  Morning's are perhaps the best time of the day for me, right up there with watching my kids head off to bed, tired and excited for whatever tomorrow will bring.

The Death by Chocolate Competition

Yesterday I got an e-mail through the homeschool group.  One of the girls was entered into the Death by Chocolate competition in Salado and the whole group was invited to attend.  It was a small, free event held by the Friends of Salado Public Library.  Everyone was invited to enter a chocolate recipe as part of Salado's Chocolate and Wine Festival.  Everyone could vote, and at the end of it they gave away prizes to the winners.  It was a chance for free chocolate and time to hang out with some of the kids from the co-op, so we decided we were going to go.  Why not?  It would be fun for the kids, right?

After a little bout of being lost, thanks to the navigation on my phone pointing us to South Main Street instead of North Main Street, we arrived.  The event was admittedly smaller than I'd imagined, not surprising because Salado is kind of a small town.  Sadly, a lot of the stuff had been picked pretty clean by the time we'd gotten there, but the kids didn't seem to mind.  It wasn't long before my daughter and older son took off to play with the kids they knew from the co-op and I was left with the baby who was happily munching on a moon pie cookie on a stick.  I have to admit it was kind of nice to have the kids run off with friends instead of having to listen to them whine that they were bored and there was nothing to do.  Being held in a library, the kids all ran off to the children's section to play and look at books.

At the end of it all, the kids all went outside to play.  My daughter ran off with the girls.  I have to admit it's hard for me to watch her because she's kind of left out with that group.  The girls have known each other for years, so it must be hard for them to include someone new, but my daughter doesn't seem to mind.  I don't think she even noticed that she was kind of being left to the side a bit.  I've noticed she doesn't have that problem so much at the co-op because there's a girl she's made fast friends with there.  I think in time she'll fit in a lot better.  When you're joining a group of kids that have been friends for years it's not always easy to jump in and be a part of everything.  I've noticed the older kids are, the more time it takes to warm up to each other.  In time I'm sure they'll all be just fine.  Most importantly, it may be hard for me to watch, but it's kind of a good social lesson for her to learn.  It takes time to be included in a group and really make friends in the adult world.  The fact that it doesn't seem to bother her now probably means she'll be just fine when she gets out there in the "real world" and wants to start making friends wherever the wind may take her.

My older son, on the other hand, finally broke away from being in his sister's shadow.  For the first hour and a half we were there he wanted to stay with the girls.  He felt more comfortable there since his sister was with him.  I think that's proof that he needs more exposure to other kids.  He's spent a good deal of time playing by himself or with his sister.  He's not so sure on how to jump right in and be a part of a group.  When we went outside, however, all it took was a suggestion to go play with the friend he'd gotten so excited to see when he got there and he was off like a bolt.  His friend and his friend's cousin were sword fighting with sticks, so when he jumped in walking and growling like a monster (his new favorite thing to be), I was afraid they'd give him odd looks and leave him out as has happened so many times at the playground.  Instead they just started "attacking" him (without actually hitting him) and when one boy dropped his "sword", my older son just picked it up and joined in the play.  Next thing I know they're running up and down the side of the library playing robbers together.  He'd lost his shy nature and jumped right in.

Even my youngest was thrilled.  He kept trying to run off with the older boys, but he's so small and not so great on the running, so he kept getting left behind.  He was walking so funny!  With each step he looked about to fall over.  The grass was soft and spongy, which is pretty strange considering the drought we're having.  He was thrilled to bounce around through the grass, which provided something new to study.

On our way home, I talked about the competition with my daughter.  She's decided she might like to enter it next year.  I have a great recipe to teach her, my mother's fudge recipe.  The only problem is figuring where I'm going to find the right ingredients.  We may have to plan ahead and order some Marshmallow Fluff online in order to have some for the competition.  She may not win, but at least she'll get a great chance to both learn the recipe and do something a little bit fun.  Not many kids her age do things like the chocolate competition.  There were only four kids in the youth competition this year!  It will definitely give her something to look forward to next year.  And who knows?  Maybe she'll come up with her own recipe to enter, or an idea of her own!  We'll have to mark it on the calendar for next year.  I'm sure she'd really enjoy being a part of it next time!

When Kids Ask Why?

I was thinking the other day about philosophy.  How many people actually study philosophy at some point in their lives?  It's come to my attention that not many have.  If so few adults study philosophy, then why would I ever imagine kids would get the same experience?

Philosophy for children may not sound like a brilliant idea.  Given many adults I know haven't studied philosophy, one can imagine that children wouldn't either.  They certainly don't teach it in the school systems around here, at least not at the elementary level.  It's just not really viewed as a child's subject.  It's not what people expect their children to be learning.  The focus should be on more useful things, like reading, writing, math, and science, you know, stuff they need in the real world.  Those subjects prepare a child for college or university some day, but philosophy?  It just doesn't seem to fit the bill.

Once upon a time, philosophy was considered a great topic for all ages.  Philosophy encourages the student to think deeper on any subject at hand.  Of course, "the student" really referred to any philosopher, given the general concept of philosophy encourages the constant pursuit of learning and greater, deeper understanding.  The whole subject is about expanding one's consciousness, learning to look deeper.  It's not so much about learning what to think, but how to think.  You can never stop learning new ways to think!

Looking at philosophy that way, it's not surprising that children would take naturally to it.  By nature they are rather curious creatures.  Many children, especially those that haven't been indoctrinated into a strict structure of expectations, want to know the details of everything.  They're likely to want to know how things work, why people do the way they do, and what the greater meaning of things in the world around them is.  Can you blame them?  Everything is deep and interesting to them, and the study of philosophy just appeals to their natural curiosity.  They're encouraged to think for themselves, come up with new ideas, be creative, and explore things as deeply as they possibly can.  I'm surprised so few people are interested in teaching philosophy before university and college!  It's something I would think could appeal to many parents!

Of course, allowing kids to question "why" all the time opens the door to very frustrated and annoyed parents.  Constant questioning from children can be daunting.  It can be frustrating to adults to have constant pestering about why this works or why people do this in the way they do, but it's good for the kids.  If we want creative and innovative children, which most people do, these aspects should be encouraged.  There does come a point where the parent is so tired and frustrated that they just need to put an end to the questions for their own sanity, but I have to wonder if that's as common as many parents seem to think it is.  I can't count the number of times I've heard parents gripe at their children to just go play and stay out of their hair.  We're not the most interactive culture.  Many parents are more focused on their own needs than the needs of their children, which isn't all bad.  Unfortunately, the more acceptable that behavior becomes, the more we stunt our children's ability to learn, question, and be genuinely curious.  We want our children to be innovative, creative, and successful, but how can we do that when we're constantly putting our kids off to meet our own needs?  Perhaps kids need another outlet, a philosophy forum or other engaging group activities that will allow our children to expand their own minds and feel comfortable with questioning and coming up with new ideas.

All of this stemmed from something my daughter's philosophy teacher said.  (Yes, my daughter is only eight and studying philosophy!  Isn't homeschool wonderful?)  She was talking about an exercise they did about being nobody.  Being somebody means having all these labels and expectations put on you.  Being nobody removes you from that pressure and allows you to spend your time going through your life and doing what you believe is right pretty unharassed by society.  My daughter was one of two kids that thought perhaps it would be better to be nobody.  I have to wonder if any of their thoughts on the subject will change by the end of class.  Then she mentioned that my daughter asked a really good question, "What does happy really mean?"  I had to stop and think about that one myself.  What does happy really mean?  I think I'd have a difficult time expressing that myself.  How many eight-year-olds would think to ask that question?

Perhaps this is something that warrants more thought.  I might just have to start thinking about getting more philosophy books myself so my daughter and I can keep having intelligent conversations on the subject.  I think it's time to change my Amazon settings over to store credit!  I have a feeling I've got a lot of learning to do in order to keep up with her curious mind!

Today's History Lesson

My daughter has finally found a love of history!  It's inspired her to read!  Yesterday I mentioned that my daughter had come home to read Sam the Minuteman.  Today she asked if there were any more stories about Sam.  Unfortunately, there are none that I know of.  We decided to take a step further and branch off into other books about the time period.

Today we searched my daughter's book shelf and found a couple of books that she might find interest in.  She decided she wanted to learn more about what life was like for someone like Sam.  Right now she's reading about what girls did in colonial times.  We found that in If You Lived in Colonial Times.  She's found a couple things in that book that she wants to know about in that book.  I have a feeling this is going to inspire a whole lot of learning about history, which is extra exciting for me.  This is a subject I care a lot about.  On top of that, If You Lived in Colonial Times has plenty of information broken down into nice, easy segments.  My daughter can pick and choose what she's interested in finding out about at any given time and only read the parts she feels like learning about.  It's an excellent way for her to find something that's interesting to her.

I have to say, I really like this series.  The kids only have three books from it that I know of, but I'm thinking we may have to try and find more.  I know they have a whole number of books, some of them overlapping in time periods a good deal.  It seems like a good way to give just enough information on a period of history to encourage curiosity without going into too much detail.  The focus on daily life and normal things also makes these books a great supplement to other books about similar periods of history.  It's a great help for our history lessons, and I love it.

I'm thinking since we're working with colonial history and the American Revolution, it might be time to start looking into other books that would inspire my daughter to keep reading.  The American Girls have Felicity, which is about colonial times and the American Revolution.  I'm sure we could find those books at the library.  I though we had them, but apparently we don't.  I'm sure the library would have at least a few more books that may be of interest, though from everything I hear the Killeen Library doesn't have the greatest selection when it comes to American history, at least beyond Texas.  Still, it's one more adventure that can come out of all of this history love.  Perhaps we're going to have to make weekly or bi-weekly trips to the library.

Finally! The Homeschool Co-op!

Today was the first day of the homeschool co-op.  I have to say I'm a little disappointed that it's now only down to one day every week and a play group that's moving to Fridays.  It would be great for the kids to get out and see their friends from the co-op more often than simply three hours one day each week for class and however long the play group lasts.  Even so, it's good for them to be out with other kids, especially other kids that homeschool.  I'm sure they won't feel so strange once they're no longer the only homeschooling kids they know!  It's good to feel like maybe you've got somewhere you belong!

We had a pretty good day, in all honesty, all of us, not just the kids.  I had no idea what to make of anything when we arrived.  Being a pierced, tattooed (okay, so it's only one) mama with dreads I'd already felt pretty out of place, especially not being Christian.  The whole thing sets up in a church and apparently a large number of the older kids are all in choir at the church together.  I felt like I might not find a good place to be myself here, but at least the kids would have a good time.  Isn't that what mattered?

As we walked in we were greeted by another mom that directed us where to go.  There was a pretty sizable group there.  I felt very out of place with all the other moms there, and my kids seemed so unprepared.  All of the kids had backpacks.  They'd all brought their lunches.  I had no idea I was supposed to have them bring bags, lunches, or any of that.  I'd thought about packing lunches, but I'd decided better on the idea since we had places to go afterwards.  I didn't realize that they ate lunch at the playground and played for a good while afterwards, otherwise I definitely would have been more prepared.

Off on one side of the room there was a gaggle of girls playing hand games and doing other things I found quite familiar from my days in Girl Scouts.  My kids stuck by me, which I was grateful for because I didn't know anyone either and I felt just as lost and out of place as they did!  The other kids were mingling in the room and some of the oldest of the bunch moved out into the hall being overwhelmed by the chaos of it all.  It was kind of nice to see so many kids out and playing.  It looked like my daughter's group was mostly girls, which was good for her, and my son's group was a small number, four boys and one girl.  We got a look at the class sheet and I tried to figure out where I belonged in all of it.  It was highly confusing, but I figured if we'd just wait, everything would come to order.

As the families started to evacuate the room I felt a little concerned.  Someone had asked me if I wanted my youngest to be taken to the playground for outdoor play.  She assumed I would.  I told her I'd be okay with taking him myself.  I was pretty free to wander around that first period, so I wanted to make sure I was there until he really got into his comfort zone.  He's never really spent much time at a playground and he didn't know any of these people, so I'd help him feel comfortable.  I had almost given up hope on finding where the older two belonged when it seemed like the only group left was made up of the groups my older son and daughter were in.  Those two groups went together to the gym, which was great because my older son, who is normally as timid as a mouse and quite the loner, would at least have his sister there until he was a little more comfortable, and I would be with him by the second class.

So off my older two went to the gym while I went out to the playground with my youngest.  He was surprisingly timid, given the usual boldness with which he usually takes to playgrounds.  He's usually ready to run around and investigate everything.  I let him go do his own thing and tried to take his sippy cup so he could play, but he clung to it with a death grip.  I attempted to pry it from him, but decided to give up hope as soon as I realized it wasn't going to work without him crying.  Thankfully it wasn't long before he'd ditched the cup to climb on a car made of wood, metal, and old tires.  It wasn't long before he was proving just what an adventurer he could be.  He climbed all over the structure and even went down the tallest slide (though it was on my lap) and seemed to have a grand time of it.  We just found out the other day that he's still a bit chunkier than he is tall, so I think all the exercise of climbing and running around outside every week will do a good bit to make sure he's just a chunky baby and doesn't end up on the unhealthy side.  It might also do good for his constant desire to eat every time he so much as thinks there might be food nearby.  At least now maybe he'll be more inspired to adventure than eat us out of house and home.  He's going to be a strong one with all of that getting out and playing.

Apparently P.E. in the gym for the other two was a good deal of fun.  I just feel it's too bad I didn't get to see the games they were playing.  From the sounds of it, they all had a lot of fun.  My poor older son looked absolutely exhausted by the time he met us inside for the sign language class.  It was a sure sign that he didn't get enough sleep last night.  We need to tailor our schedule to getting them to bed on time a little better.  They all looked pretty wiped when I got them out of bed.

The sign language class was short, and I guess we're going to combine it with the kinder-music class for the littlest ones, so I'll be able to spend that time with both my boys that period, or at least for part of it.  The kids in the sign language class seemed to think it was pretty fun and wanted to be in on the music and songs too.  I thought the sign language was great.  I think we might start working on using it a bit more around the house.  As much as my littlest is a little too young to be working with baby sign and I should be focused on language skills, I think it couldn't hurt.  Sign language is a useful skill and you never know when it might come in useful.  It never hurts to know a different language because you never know when you might need to know it.  Well, in their case, it may not truly be seen as another language, especially since deaf people aren't incredibly common, but it's always good to have the knowledge.  Plus, as the teacher pointed out, it's a great way to be able to ask the kids if they need to use the potty or anything else from across a crowded room or across the playground.  It's definitely got it's uses.  My poor son didn't really seem to be paying attention.  He looked around like a zombie while eating his snack and didn't even try most of the signs.  I thought he was just tired and he would probably be like that all day.  I was a little disappointed, but it was understandable.

After that I watched the littlest kids play while my older son was learning about the body and my daughter went to chemistry.  I felt bad because I didn't get to sit in on what both of them were doing, but I got reports in on my older son.  They were singing, dancing, had show-and-tell (which I wasn't prepared for in the least, so I felt a little bad), and they made little paper bag puppets.  They apparently had a great time.  I also apparently didn't have to worry about my shy, exhausted middle child.  I guess he was participating and was quite involved in everything.  Here I was thinking he would be spacey and exhausted the whole day, but apparently he just needed a bit of a snack to perk right up!

My daughter through all of this didn't seem interested in telling me anything.  At the end of it all she showed me her folder where she had two poems by Emily Dickinson and an imagination drawing they did.  She was supposed to write a poem, but her writing skills are definitely lacking.  She's got a lot of work to do there!

We decided to stay and play when everyone was having lunch.  Most of the kids just got up and played instead of eating.  My kids had a blast.  My son did have an accident in the playground, but he wasn't the only one in his class to have an accident.  It's hard.  They're still so young and they've got so much to distract them from using the bathroom when they need to.  I can't entirely blame them.  Next time we'll just have to remember to work on it, and work on making sure there's always a spare set of clothes packed, just in case.

After it all I found out just what an impact the homeschool co-op had.  Not only do I feel different, but so do the kids.  I'd met some really cool moms that are involved with things I wish I could be involved with.  They raise their kids the way I wish I could raise mine.  It was a huge breath of fresh air and felt like a step in the right direction.  On top of that, my exhausted middle child proved he learned something in his sign class by showing his sister all the signs he learned in class today.  My daughter said she needed help writing for her class, so she decided to come home and read a book.  She picked up Sam the Minuteman, read it, and had all kinds of questions.  More importantly, she actually retained a lot of what she read!  She wants to work on writing too, so I think we may do some of that after dinner while I'm cleaning the house.  I've never seen her sit down and read an entire book without complaining, never mind cruise through it!  I guess she didn't have the right incentive!  On top of it all, both my younger two came home exhausted.  My youngest son tried to climb into his own playpen to sleep, so I picked him up and put him in.  My middle child climbed up on his bed while we were gathering the laundry up and pulled a blanket over him.  He said he was tired and needed to take a nap.  He took a nap when he was tired without me even having to ask him!  And me?  I'm cleaning the house, got the laundry together, and it feels like my life is finally going to start going in the right direction.  I'm so incredibly calm right now, even with everything going on.  I can't wait until next week to do it all again!

So now it's time to start dinner, a little later than planned, but that's okay.  All the kids need baths and showers, because they got pretty dirty playing that hard, especially outside.  I think they may all sleep well tonight and tomorrow we're going to be off to a brilliant start again.  I already know my daughter has a million questions about the American revolution, which is good because it's going to be so much easier for her to learn about it now that she's starting to find drive to read.  My aunt sent her a lot of books on colonial America and the Revolutionary War, which is fantastic because that's something my daughter and I can really share a love of.  She's branching out and isn't as stuck on just one thing, art!  I have a feeling my middle child is going to be a lot more inspired to branch out and learn new things too, and we can keep practicing his sign language.  Hopefully we can get into doing a lot more and really start getting into a routine that makes all of us happy, something we can all gladly work with, and get a lot more done in our days!

How I Miss Nice Weather and How Fast They Grow

This week we had some pretty nice weather.  It got down to the 80's, which meant we were able to open the windows and let in some fresh air.  It was nice not to need the air conditioning running all day.  Hopefully that will save us some money.  It's not easy living in a state where air conditioning is required in order to live or you'll get sick from the heat.  This week it's going to be back up to the 90's, which is better than it was through most of the summer.  Yes, the weather is finally turning towards something nicer.

As the weather changed we decided it was time to sort through old clothes.  The boys will probably both need a new winter wardrobe.  My older boy has pretty much outgrown all of his clothes.  It's not that he's too wide in the middle.  Actually, clothes that fit him around the middle are too short on him.  It's that everything is too short.  My younger one will probably be set for another few months, but he's starting to not fit his pants around the middle and his shirts don't want to go over his head.  Since he's been born that's been a sign that he's about to shoot up like a weed, and if he does that he probably isn't going to fit anything in length much longer either.  Thankfully we can still manage on shorts and t-shirts for a while longer.  I guess that's the good thing about Texas!  The warm weather means summer clothes really last.

The whole thing has me thinking about the weather.  I love the weather back home.  This time of year we would soon have lessons on why the fall leaves change and all of that.  Things would be getting cooler and we would have to start planning to bundle everyone up for the cold.  This time of year is filled with shopping for winter jackets and snow boots and knitting mittens, scarves, and hats.  We might even be in the weather for long pants, sweaters, and light jackets.  My daughter would probably want tights with some of her skirts.  My littlest and I would be starting the fight over whether or not he has to wear a hat.  He doesn't seem to think there's a need.  I, on the other hand, would realize that his ultra-fine baby hair isn't going to do much to keep his head warm and he needs something to make up for that.

It was a little sad going through the boy's things.  I'd forgotten how much of the clothes I had in a 2T I'd already given away to a friend of mine whose son grew into them sooner than mine did.  We're going to have to start carving out a little bit of money every month to start getting him some new clothes a little at a time.  Thankfully there are plenty of places with low cost clothing for a toddler his size.  I hate thinking about the new size he'll be in.  2T typically fits a toddler at age two.  That means he's no longer my baby and is now considered a toddler.  He's almost two, which seems nearly impossible!  It doesn't seem like it's been so long since he was born.  How incredibly fast time has flown this year.

My older son is going to be jumping into boys clothes this year.  Things sized at x-small are just the right length.  I know I could still shop for him in the toddler section and look for things that are 5T, but the only reason to truly hold on to that is to attempt to hold on to his youth.  I keep wanting to think that he's still a toddler, but he's a preschooler.  He's taking an interest in reading.  He loves super heroes and dinosaurs.  Pokemon and Transformers are favorites of his.  He's even starting to get interested in sports.  He's no longer happy with the simple things that used to please him.  He's growing up before I know it!  He's growing to match in size too!  He's jumped from a 3T being perfect in size to a 4T being a little too short in all of a year!  It's good to see him growing.  Maybe he won't be the shortest boy in his classes at the co-op this year after all!

Then there's my daughter.  I can't call her my little girl anymore.  She's much too big for that.  Thankfully, she's got enough in hand-me-downs and in clothing from Marrok's mom to last her through the year.  My only problem is going to be in keeping her in shorts and pants for the homeschool co-op.  She's got PE first thing when we get there, so she'll need to be wearing something suitable.  You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get her to dress warm when it's cold out!  She'd prefer to wear skirts and dresses all the time, even better if they're sleeveless.  She's really starting to develop her own sense of style, and it's a lot more feminine and girly than I could ever imagine any child of mine being!  Every day it seems like she's just more and more adult, and she's only eight!  I can't help but think she'll be all grown up before I know it.

In all of this, I don't think I would have taken the time to reflect if the weather hadn't started to turn already, even though it's turning back before we know it.  I'm really homesick already.  I wish I could be looking forward fall leaves and snow this year, but I know that's not going to happen.  I don't have very many options for that in Texas.  Even so, as the weather turns cool, I know I'll at least be able to enjoy taking my children to the park.  The kids and I can enjoy going for walks.  It will be nice to get outside.  I can't wait until we can throw open the windows and let the cool air in instead of spending a fortune in electricity to keep the house a bearable temperature.  I can't wait until things start feeling a little bit nicer.  Now if only that could speed up and my kids could slow down on growing for a little while!