What I Learned from Laundry and our Wardrobes

The past few days have been filled with a lot of laundry.  Since moving to our new home in the country, we've been sorting our belongings, unpacking, putting away, and washing just about everything we have.  As a result, I've been given a pretty good appreciation to exactly how much stuff we really have.

Before we moved here, we didn't have our own washer and dryer.  Laundry was done in big batches when we could haul it off to the laundromat.  Often times we only pulled together the things we thought we needed.  Most times it ended up a random assortment of children's clothes, half of which didn't even suit the season or wasn't even the right size, and a collection of the most needed adult cloths.  Our laundry took over the house.  There were dirty clothes cast off just about everywhere.  The floor in my room was piled with clothes that never got put away and cloths that desperately needed to be washed, but we could never afford to run through it, load after load, time after time.  We just got behind, and because we only did laundry when we needed it most, behind is where we stayed.

Now that we have our own laundry facilities, I've been spending more time than I care to think about washing clothing, folding, putting away, and organizing.  I didn't really know just how much we had until I looked at the growing pile in the hall as I tossed it all out of the room.  There is still laundry on my floor and a waist high pile of baskets and bins in the hall of stuff that needs to be cleaned.  I've been trying to find homes for it all, but I'm starting to realize just where our biggest problems lie.  All of our wardrobes need a serious overhaul.  Thankfully, this mass laundering has been inspiration to start.

Starting with the littlest one in the house, I shouldn't have been surprised by the mass amount of clothing we've piled up.  Babies generally have a lot of clothes.  Not only do they go through it like crazy because of spit up, drool, and everything else, but they need a wide variety of sizes on hand, just in case.  Until a child is about two-years-old, they go through multiple size changes in a year.  As a result, it never hurts to have the next size or two up on hand because it will seem like one day everything will fit fine, and then with no warning, nothing will fit at all.  I've got such a variety of clothing for my littlest that I could probably outfit him for the first year with no question, and I have some garments that should fit until he's two.  Thankfully, as he gets older, that giant stack of baby clothes will thin out and I'll be left with only needing to plan ahead a season or a year at most.  I can get behind hanging on to what he can grow into, especially since I know we'll be moving into yearly size changes before I know it.

Unfortunately, the little guy still needs a wardrobe overhaul.  I knew I had a bunch of clothing that simply wasn't going to fit my little man.  He'd outgrown all of his newborn clothes and the next size up was starting to get small on him.  Since we're choosing to go with cloth diapers, most of the "6-9 months" clothing isn't going to fit over his bottom, nor will many of the pajamas and rompers.  Most clothing isn't meant to be worn with big, bulky bottoms.  Thankfully, I intend on making plenty of longies and shorties, so my little guy will have plenty of bottoms to wear and I won't have to worry about it.  This means his wardrobe has a lot of weeding out to do.  There are a few select garments that I've decided to keep for the far-off day I decide to have another child, but there's a growing pile marked for "donations" to go to GoodWill or Salvation Army.  If I can't use them, someone else might as well have them.  Little body suits aren't as ideal as they used to be.  Pajamas, rompers, and pants are being tossed because we don't use them, though we've kept a couple that will still work well enough.  Unfortunately, finding normal shirts for babies this age is quite the challenge, as I'm finding out, so his wardrobe is going to be slightly lacking for the first year.  Even so, we're finding that we can make things work, even if we leave bodysuits unbuttoned.  Thankfully, all the outgrown and impractical clothing we have packed away can now find a home with another family, reducing the burden of storage and clutter of things we don't need.

My older son had the exact opposite wardrobe problem.  We found ourselves washing his clothing all the time, yet he never had enough to last.  With his preferences of wearing shirts for days at a time, he didn't have a problem with this, but come laundry day I was always frustrated to only find two or three shirts and one pair of pants or shorts.  I knew we had bought him more than that, but it seemed they somehow all disappeared.  With sorting through all the laundry in the house, I'm finally starting to find it all and fit it all into his dresser.  Since his clothing was so greatly outnumbered by all the other clothes in the house, it was kind of like finding a needle in a haystack.  Much of it was also packed away in random boxes, places I never would have found it otherwise.  If it wasn't for the efforts to pull everything out to pack away and store in a logical manner, I probably never would have found it all, and I'm sure when I got through the few remaining boxes, I'll find even more of his clothing.  Much of what we've got for him is too small and needs to be put away until the littlest one grows into it, but there's plenty that he can get through a week without doing laundry.  He's got the least clothing in the house, but he's got enough to get by.

My daughter, on the other hand, has a wide variety of sizes as well.  She's gotten a lot of hand-me-downs from friends and neighbors.  A good deal of it just needs to be put away for later, but she's also got clothes she's long since outgrown that somehow keep making it back into her drawers.  She loves those garments, but she just can't fit them anymore.  That doesn't stop her from wearing them.  She really just needs a complete wardrobe overhaul.  I need to make sure everything she still has fits her, and whatever doesn't is either put away until she grows into it, or is given away so she can stop trying to fit into things that are much too small.  She also has a horrible habit of wanting to wear the same outfit for days on end, but I think that will be easier to manage once all her clothes are in her dresser and can no longer use the excuse that she can't find any clean clothing.  Of course, that won't stop her from trying, but at least I'll know better.

Sorting through my clothes has left me with mixed feelings.  I've started to notice that I don't have just one style, but I'm finding I've got much more defined preferences than I once had.  Over the past few years I've downsized quite a bit.  I had tons of clothing given to me over the years by friends and family or when I was living in the shelter.  Some of it was clothing I've held on to from high school.  Most of it didn't suit me anymore.  For one reason or another, I just never wore it, so it was time to pass it on to someone who would wear it.  Now I'm realizing that I've still got way too much.  I have black jeans from working at LensCrafters as an optometric technician.  I've got khaki colored pants from when I was in the lab.  I've got all sorts of shirts that just don't fit me right, or I don't wear because I don't like the cut or the fit.  Most of it I held on to on the off chance that I would need them again, or because it meant I could wait longer between laundry days.  Now that I can do my laundry at the house, I no longer need most of it.  When I look into work again, I'm going to be looking for more of the business casual or business professional look, so much of what I've held on to simply won't be appropriate anymore.  It's time to let much of that go and only hang on to the stuff I'll really wear, the stuff I need.  I will admit, letting it all go isn't going to be easy, but it's high time I did.  It will feel so much better to see all my clothing fit neatly in my closet and dresser, and it will be incentive to do laundry more often, instead of waiting for the mountain to get so high it will take days to clean and put away.

Then there's my boyfriend, who really is the woman of the family.  He has more clothing than perhaps the rest of the family combined.  He's got cloths for every occasion, though most of them he hardly ever wears.  He's got a good selection of professional-looking clothing, which I can get behind.  He wears them for interviews and hopes to some day get a good job where he may just need that kind of clothing.  He's got a drawer full of nothing but industrial-style club pants, which he wears all the time.  He's got a collection of band shirts and other t-shirts.  He has jeans and button-down shirts for that more preppy look.  Some of it he wears all the time, and I completely understand wanting a variety of clothing to dress to suit the mood, but he's got clothing that he only wears when there's nothing else.  I really wish he'd cut back, but he keeps telling me he needs more clothing because he doesn't have enough!  I love him dearly, but he takes up more of the dresser and closet than I do!

In reality, looking at the way my family is dressed has taught me some valuable lessons.  The most important lesson to know when it's time to let something go, no matter how practical it is.  I'll have plenty of opportunities to buy more clothes as time goes on, things that more suit my current styles, tastes, and needs at the time.  I'll be making room for more pretty hand-knits and other things that I would truly love to have, but would get lost in my endless collection of clothes I never wear.  It's better to have fewer things that I adore and wear all the time than to clutter my home with "once in a while" selections that distract me from the things I really love.

So here I am, trying to cut away all the dead weight in my wardrobe, and you know what?  It's freeing!  I'm breaking away from the modern ideal of materialism.  The more you have the happier you'll be doesn't truly apply to my life anymore, at least, not in a physical sense.  In many ways, the less you have, the more you'll appreciate and be happier with what you do keep.  I wonder if whoever first said "less is more" had any idea how true that statement really is.

Progress, 15 Minutes at a Time

Since I was a little girl, my house was always a disaster.  I wasn't made to clean up my room.  In truth, I had so much ridiculous stuff that there was no way I could put it all away.  The house was always a nightmare.  I was never allowed to have friends over.  By the time I was in high school, the clutter was so bad that nearly no room in the house had a floor, or if it did, there was no way I would find it.  Cooking in the kitchen meant washing everything you needed before you used it, and there was always the risk of setting the house on fire with the trash and paper towels piled up so close to the gas stove.  This upbringing has followed me painfully through my adult life.  It wasn't until recently that I finally started to understand how much I've been carrying around with me.

About a year and a half ago I had some friends helping me to clean my house.  This seems to be a routine in my life.  Some important instance will be coming up and I'll have to get my house clean.  I won't be able to put my mind to it myself, so I employ the help of friends to get it under way and under control.  Thankfully, I have wonderful and supportive friends who understand that cleaning is just not something I do.  It's not a part of my lifestyle.  However, I've kind of got to do it now and again.  This friend and I had a talk about keeping a clean house and why she felt it was so important.

"It's not about society setting a standard of a clean house," she said to me as we sat on the floor sorting through the mound of papers that had invaded my living room.  "It's about loving yourself.  When you keep a clean house, you and your family will all be happier.  Having a messy house is just a sign that you don't care."

Now, this may sound like a catch phrase kind of thing.  In truth, it is.  She's been into the whole FLY Lady thing, so this is the manifestation of just that.  FLY stands for "Finally Loving Yourself".  You need to keep a clean home so you can learn to FLY.  This was her parroting back that same concept, though, in truth, to see her house, I had to wonder why she kept trying to tell me about the system.  Obviously she didn't keep to it with all the clutter surrounding her house and her constant complaints that she has too much stuff for her small family size.  "I love the FLY Lady system," she said, "But it's just too much.  It's great that she encourages you to do everything through from finish to end, but she's absolutely crazy with some of it.  There's just no way I could do it all with my family.  You'd have to be, like, crazy compulsive about cleaning."

Well, I do have to say that I disagree.  A clean home isn't a sign of how much you love yourself.  In truth, if your home is just the place that you crash between landings, who really cares?  In truth, I've seen some people who are incredibly happy with their homes, yet they have the messiest homes ever.  Yes, there's a point where the clutter takes over and prevents things that are needed from being found.  This kind of impediment is a problem and can prevent you from truly enjoying living in your own, but I have known people who are just as happy in a messy home as in a clean one.

I can honestly say, I'm happy in a home that's not completely neat.  I'm not embarrassed when friends come over to find my house kind of cluttered and definitely not perfect.  I don't run around the house picking things up when people are about to come over unless my house is a total disaster.  However, having it really clean, neat, and tidy does help me out a good deal.  I need to be organized.  I need to know that stuff is where I can find it.  I need to know I've got everything I need in easy reach.  Otherwise I just stop doing things I should be doing because my house is too disorganized to find what I need.  This doesn't help anyone at all.  Honestly,  a clean bathroom and a sparkling kitchen don't make me happy.  A spotless living room doesn't bring me peace of mind.  Having a bedroom with a neatly made bed and everything tucked away just so doesn't phase me.  Knowing my desk has nothing but that which is required for work or the project at hand isn't something I spend much time considering.  However, I'm starting to recognize the need to do these things, not because they're important to me, but because this state is so strict about living conditions and the threat to take away your children that I don't want a social services call to result in threats over the condition of my home.

So I've started in on it.  This time I'm not going to do it the way my loving Chesh does things.  I'm going to do things the way I know they need to get done.  I love Chesh dearly, but his idea of cleaning the house is to do it all in one day and stuff everything that doesn't belong somewhere into a closet or wherever else it will fit, then forget about it until it's time to clean again and more stuff gets shoved in there.  It's not very maintainable.  On top of that, it's easy to get burnt out when you go at it all day long or for a couple days in a row, however long it takes to get done.  Then when all is said and done, you're exhausted and don't want to think about cleaning again for a week.  By that point you've got to build up the motivation again because the clutter has started to invade.  You may as well just start all over again because that's the way it will be by the time you get to it.  I can't get into that habit again.  It's not maintainable.  Worse still, if I'm going to make it presentable because I'm being realistic about social services, or anyone else who may decide to give me problems about my living conditions, I also need to be realistic about when they could show up, which is any time, generally when it's least expected and convenient.  This isn't something I can plan for, not really.  As much as I honestly don't think CPS is going to be knocking at my door, it never hurts to have some major incentive when undertaking a big problem like this.  Besides, it's happened in the past that cranky neighbors have made false reports, simply to try and get me in trouble.

This time, I'm doing things the smart way.  I realize that I can't get it all done in a day.  Realistically, I can't get it done in a week.  It's going to take significantly longer than I would probably like, but it will get done.  There's no reason to rush this.  This is about developing lasting habits, good practices, and good routines.  I've come to realize that letting myself burn out doesn't serve anyone any good.  Letting myself get run down won't help either.  I need to take this one step at a time, one segment at a time.

Thanks to diving into the whole FLY Lady thing, I'm finding that everything really is coming down to the same conclusion, my kitchen needs to get back in order.  FLY Lady has this belief that the kitchen is the center of the home.  The kitchen is the space that gets the most hard use and has the most purpose.  With the kitchen a mess, it's easy for the rest of the house to stay a mess, but with the kitchen clean, it's easier to keep the rest of the house clean.  The kitchen is also the easiest place for clutter to develop.  On top of that, every time I move into a place, the first place I clean and organize is my kitchen.  It's also the "zone" FLY Lady is focusing on for this week.  This seems to be a sign for me.  Therefore, the kitchen is where I've started.

Okay, I'll admit it, I've gone over the suggested fifteen minutes at a time.  It's more like two or three hours at a time with the three of us (Ani, Chesh, and I) working at it with dedication.  We've made huge progress.  About every hour we took a fifteen minute break to go do something else or generally get side-tracked.  We've made a huge dent.  Our pots and pans are cut down from the massive quantity we had before.  Now the only ones left stack neatly in the shelf.  The food stuffs are all put away in the cabinets.  We have a sandwich, snack, and beverage station right next to where the microwave is.  The sink is clean (FLY Lady would be proud!) and the dishes are put away.  Yes, the kitchen looks worse than it did when I started, but we're making progress.  If I hit it again tomorrow for even as little as fifteen minutes, we'll be in good shape.  It's just a matter of dedication.  It's coming along and before we know it, our house will be livable in a way we can maintain for the first time in my life, and it can all be done in fifteen minutes at a time.

How Versus What

Over the years I've received so much criticism about the way I run my house and care for my family.  Everyone's got an opinion.  I've heard so many commentaries on how I'm raising my kids to have problems later in life, or that someone else is doing it better.  How are we to know what the best way to do things really is?

I've put some serious thought to this concept.  What is the best way to raise a child?  What rules should they have?  How will I know I'm doing the best for my children?  In the end, does anything I do really matter?  Is attachment parenting somehow better or worse than anything else?  What about co-sleeping?  What about cloth diapering?  Does it matter?

Many people preach that their way is the only way.  Your children won't be raised as healthy, happy adults unless you do certain things.  Every parenting style has those who believe their way is the best and only way.  They only want to leave their children to someone who will uphold their values should something happen to them.  It's all about the "right" way to do things.  It's all about what you're doing, not how your doing it.  It's about the steps to raising a happy, healthy member of society.

Now, I'm big into the whole co-sleeping thing.  I wear my baby.  I breastfeed.  I practice gentle discipline techniques and try my best to focus on parenting through respect.  I've worked very hard to raise my children the way I do, but should something happen to me, my first choice in legal guardians is a family that doesn't practice parenting my way at all.  My aunt and uncle would raise the children with a different set of rules and practices entirely.  Does that mean I'm doing something wrong?  Will her methods be somehow damaging to my kids?  Shouldn't that be something I consider?  In reality, I don't think that's the case at all.

What matters most with raising kids is the "how" not the "what".  The techniques I use don't overly matter as long as I parent my children with love and respect.  Whether my children co-sleep, breastfeed, or anything else isn't nearly as important as making sure my kids feel loved.  Teaching them to lead positive lives isn't done through angry fights over a dirty room, but through seeing the way I treat the space around me.  Children are mimics.  They don't do what you tell them to do.  They do what they see you do.  If you spend their whole childhood seeing you do nothing but sit on your tail and play video games, what do you think they'll aspire to do.  If you spend all day on Facebook, what are they going to do.  However, if you keep your home spotless and truly enjoy making sure everything is in it's place, your children will develop the same respect for their surroundings.  They will learn to keep their space clean because it's not an undesirable task that should be avoided at all costs.  They may even enjoy it!

I once heard a long time back that a dirty home is a sign of an intelligent mind, but most psychological evidence goes to contradict that.  I've also heard that the state of one's house is a direct relation to a person's mental state, the more dirty and cluttered, the less organized their thoughts and probably the greater the stress level.  People who do things like hoarding do so out of some psychological need to hoard.  They can't let go for some reason or another.  This seems a more likely possibility, after all, someone who is very intelligent could also have very chaotic thoughts.  They need organization so they can bring those thoughts to some kind of fruition.  On top of that, most people feel less comfortable in a cluttered home where they can't find anything.  I can't see any reason why a cluttered and disorganized home should be a mark of pride.  After all, it's just a sign that your brilliant mind might just be filled with useless junk that you'll never use, just like your home is.

In truth, raising children is all about being positive and sending a positive message.  Keeping a cluttered home will teach your children that it's okay.  Having a pile of dirty dishes to the ceiling will teach them never to do their own dishes until it comes to need.  Empty drawers until laundry day teaches them to procrastinate and do everything last minute.  Yes, responding to a baby's cries immediately rather than letting them cry will teach them that they are loved and to care about others when they are upset, but that's not the extent of it.  Like an onion, just a few positive behaviors aren't enough.  There are many levels that need to be addressed and there are many ways to do it.  There's just one thing that's common across the boards.  Those who are raised in positive environments tend to be more optimistic people and are more likely to get things done.  Those raised in negative environments tend to become very negative people who can't always help themselves.

So with parenting, it's all about the "how".  How you do things leaves a mark on your children.  If even the most boring task is undertaken with a smile and a spring in the step, the task becomes less of a drag, for you and everyone around you.  If you face each day with a positive attitude, you will infect others with your positive emotions.  However, if you face each day with negativity, you can only imagine what those results will be.  It's your choice on how you raise your children, but do your children the biggest good you ever could do them, live each day with a positive vibe, being happy as often as possible and always looking on the bright side of things.  Your children will some day thank you for it.

Energy Saving with Laundry

It's surprising how many people think the only ways to save money through laundry are Energy Star appliances.  Those are expensive and not everyone can afford the cost.  Personally, I wish I could just run right out and buy an Energy Star certified washer and dryer!  But this is the real world and I don't have the money for that.  However, there is one small thing I can do to save energy with my laundry!

Everyone knows the basics.  Washing only full loads ensures that the most is made of the water and energy used for each washing.  "Free and clear" laundry soaps are generally better for both our bodies, clothes, and the environment.  Obviously, chemical-free green laundry soaps are the best option, as they do the least damage to our environment and our bodies.  Bleach can also be avoided in most cases.  These are just a few things that most people already know.

However, did you know that there's almost no reason to ever wash your clothing in hot water?  It's not like we need to sterilize our home laundry.  Whatever germs are on the clothing should come out with a good washing.  Many detergents are very adept at killing germs.  Heat can also fix some stains into the clothing, rather than helping to remove them.  Most importantly, by using cold water to wash your laundry instead of hot, you're reducing the environmental impact of washing your clothes!  Just think of all the energy spent to heat that water.  Instead, it can be saved for some other purpose, reducing your own drain on the electric grid, gas lines, or oil reserve, all depending on how you heat your water.  Since there's no reason to wash most clothing in hot or warm water, it's a logical choice!

As for the need for hot water washings, certain items do require a hot wash, just to be safe.  Medical facilities use hot cycles in their wash to ensure that their linens are as sterile as possible.  Cloth diapers should also be washed in hot water for the same reason.  Anything likely to harbor more than the usual amount of bacteria and germs that would not normally be present in your home should be washed in hot water.

For the most part, washing in cold is just as good as everything else, and good for the environment!  So next time you go to throw in a load of laundry, take a look at your settings.  Crank it down to cold water wash and let the savings begin!