Expanding on Family Time

Given it is the holiday season and all, and everyone's already well into their Christmas shopping, I wanted to throw out a few suggestions for family oriented presents this Christmas.  I don't just mean gifts for the whole family.  I mean gifts that promote family time.  Family time is one of the things I feel is most missing in your average American household!  For many families, the only thing they do together is watch television.  That dynamic has to change!

When I was a kid, I remember spending all kinds of time playing video games and board games with my dad.  The whole family would sit down and work on puzzles.  We would build extensive Lego houses.  While it wasn't always that way, we did spend some time as a family, doing things together.  In truth, I think the biggest thing I regret about my childhood is that we didn't do it more often!

Some of my fondest memories as a child were playing games with the family.  I remember my sister and I got Cooties and Don't Spill the Beans one year for Christmas.  Those were long-time favorites of ours.  We would play them for endless hours.  It was right up there with a game called Don't Wake the Dragon that's no longer made, but I wish they would bring it out again!  With Cooties, each player is trying to build their Cootie.  They have to roll to get certain parts and the object is to be the first to get all your parts.  Don't spill the beans is a balancing act where you've got to try and put all your beans up on the pot without it tipping over if it spills, you've got to take all the beans.  We loved that game!

My friends used to love playing games that seemed so much more pointless.  Hungry, Hungry Hippos was a favorite, and I have to admit, I still like that game today.  It makes for some silly, crazy family time.  We used to have this game called Pig Pong, which was a ping-pong like game where you hit the ball over the net by puffing air from a plastic pig.  It was pretty funny.  I think my mom and my sister still have some of the pigs!  A friend of mine had the all time best game, or so my friends were concerned, called Mall Madness.  Apparently nothing speaks to girls more than shopping?  We also had a lot of crazy games of Twister!  Who doesn't remember Twister?  (Who hasn't been somehow injured playing Twister?)

I know I've mentioned Made for Trade yesterday.  That was one of our favorites right up through Middle School.  It's right up there on educational value as Oregon Trail, Amazon Trail, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, and to a certain degree, Civilization and SimCity.  These games are not only fun, but do teach children.  In my family we used to play these games together, even the computer games.  In Oregon Trail we would all create family members and make decisions together.  In Civilization my dad and I would try and take over the world together.

I think my favorite games of all times were ones based on role playing games.  My favorites were Dungeon Quest, Hero Quest, and Talisman.  We never played these games alone.  Usually my dad played with us, but sometimes we could get my mom in on it too.  These were my favorite games because they were my parents' favorite games.  I've found that's what makes a game the most popular with kids.  If the parents love it, so will the kids!

My mom was always bringing us home sets of cards too.  We had a card set for Rook.  There was a fish themed set for Go Fish.  I think we had a Safari Rummy set too.  However, my favorite card games were always Uno, which we played all the time with the girl who lived in the apartment downstairs, and Cribbage, which we played with my aunts, uncles, and grandparents at every major gathering.

My family was all about the games too!  I loved going over there because it meant there was always going to be something to play.  Just ask anyone in my family about Passtimes and the potato questions!  Now that I think about it, I want to pick that game up again.  It could be a great teaching tool with the kids as it's a wonderful history trivia game!  However, the ultimate family game we played was Trivial Pursuit.  We would all sit around, broken up into teams, racing to complete our pies!  I think part of the reason this was so much fun was the teams, but with such a big family and so much variety in ages, it was kind of necessary.  Each team usually had at least one kid and one adult.  I have to say, my all-time favorite was when we would play with the Christmas Questions.

Now that I'm on my own with my own children, I've tried to revive the tradition of game time, but it's so hard when everyone is so busy.  It sometimes seems like there's no time to sit down to a game!  We've played Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders when my daughter was younger.  We hope to get my son into it as we settle in a bit more.  We've played the Game of Life Twists and Turns with my daughter.  It's unique version of the Game of Life, but I think I would have preferred it if it didn't do all the math digitally off a credit card.  We did have one day where all the adults got together to play Nintendo Monopoly.  The adults have also played Risk, including the Lord of the Rings Edition Risk, and rummy.  I think it's important that my kids see that not only do families play board games together, but adults play games like this together too!

It's not just board games that we play.  We got a Nintendo Wii for the purpose of having something to do together as a family.  Because we got it used, it didn't come with Wii Sports, but we did get some games the family can play together.  Our first "family" game was Super Smash Bros. Brawl, a game my daughter loves playing with my partner!  It may be a game of pointless violence to some, but to watch them play together, you wouldn't think anything of the sort!  They're both really funny about the whole thing and play in good humor, not competitively at all!  Since then we've also picked up Wii Fit Plus, which turned out to be a great investment!  Not only does it help the family to stay in shape, but it's got a bunch of fun balance games that the whole family can enjoy!  Wii Sports Resort has also provided a good number of games we can play as a family, either competitively or cooperatively.  The kids love competing with each other for the speed slice challenge in the sword fighting, and it teaches co-ordination!

So why all of these links and recommendations?  Yes, part of it is because I'm an Amazon Associate and buying through my links makes me money.  However, I think it's far more important to get you thinking about what you can do to improve your family time this year!  Whether you buy from Amazon or your local game supplier, picking up family games will give you one more thing to do together as a family.  Family time is so forgotten about in today's modern society that I think of this as doing my small part to inspire those around me to spend more time with their kids!  With Christmas coming up, what could be better timing to pick up a game the whole family can enjoy?

Made For Trade, Enhancing Learning with Family Games

Years ago (it seems like forever) my mom got this game for my sister and I at a company called Learning Express.  The game was called Made for Trade.  I don't know if the company still exists, but that game has stayed with me forever.  I still remember all the days I used to play it with my sister!

As the game starts out, you're an indentured servant that is working off your passage to America.  I think there's some description in there about real indentured servants, but I don't remember for certain.  Then, once you've served out your time as an indentured servant, you make your way around the board trying to become a successful merchant and trader in the new world.

While I don't remember the game being incredibly historically accurate, it did help foster concepts of life in "the new world" back in the colonial era.  I think it would be a great addition to any lesson on colonial America.  It's also a great way to get back into family time, something that I know has been lacking in most American households!  What better way to both educate your children and spend some great family time together?  It can also be a lot of fun for older children to play alone, as my sister and I did.  I honestly don't think I ever remember my mother or father playing with us, but we did play with friends.

I think for many families they associate board games with being "bored".  I remember my boyfriend joking, "That's why they call them board games, because they're boring!"  However, his mood has since changed.  Board games are now starting to become things we do when we're bored and want to have some family fun.

Having done a little research on the game, I've found one wonderful piece of information!  The game is good for 2-6 players, which is more than your standard American board game, which is only good for up to four players.  With a family of five, it would be difficult in the future for everyone to sit down and play, not that it matters now as the baby is much to small to get in on board games!  My older son is a bit young for it as well, as it's recommended for ages 8 and up, but it's still nice to think of the future of our family when shopping, and for recommending games to other people with larger families.

On Amazon I've seen a variety of reviews, some good, some bad.  It seems the majority of the bad reviews have come from the company the product was ordered from, and not necessarily Amazon.  One of the reviews listed it as not being fun and very heavy-handed on history, but I don't remember that at all.  I remember loving the game and wanting to play it all the time!  I've also read that the directions are hard to understand, but I believe I was 10 when we got the game and my sister and I were able to understand and play the game without much help at all.  However, there was also some positive feedback from families that loved the game as my sister and I did.  I think it really depends on the family.

I'm looking forward to getting this game again to share the experience with my daughter.  It will be interesting to see if I still love the game as much now as I once did, and how my daughter takes to it.  Christmas is right around the corner!  I'm not going to say anything about knowing for certain, but that game was on my daughter's Christmas list...and I do believe I heard rumor on the breeze that she just might find one under the tree this year!

Setting Limits Chapter 3: How Children Learn Your Rules

While the first two chapters focused on limits, why our children need them, and how we teach limits, this chapter turns around and looks at it from the child's point of view.  It's an easy to understand perspective on how children respond to the way we teach our limits to our children.  The whole idea is pretty basic and logical.

The chapter breaks down into several simple concepts.

1. Children understand concrete rules and limits (actions speak louder than words)
2. Children "research" rules in a concrete way (through testing limits rather than asking questions)
3. Temperament greatly effects how aggressively children will research ("compliant" children will generally do as their told in order to please the parent.  "Strong willed" children will generally aggressively test limits for deeper understanding).
4. Punitive parenting help children understand that violence is the way to solve problems.
5. Permissive parenting shows children that what a parent says is meaningless and they continue to push until they are met with action, which encourages frequent testing.
6. Effective limit teaching requires words and actions to be aligned.

Given that, it's pretty clear cut and dry.  I don't think the chapter needs more explanation than that.  However, this is a case where I feel that the book is definitely valuable as it gives some good examples to help better understand the points being made.  In some cases, like labeling children as compliant or strong willed, I'm not sure I entirely agree.  We all know how I feel about labels.  However, the author does make some really good points.

Where does this lead me in my quest to better understand my own family?  Well, I can honestly say it hasn't changed much.  It has shown me where some of my break-down in communication may stem from, but it still hasn't hit the point of altering my family life any.  All in all, while this chapter is very necessary to the flow of the book, I almost feel that it was just a repetition of the previous chapter under a different point of view.  While valuable, there isn't much to say on it.

There are three questions at the end of the chapter about rules and children along with answers to those questions.  One has more of a "permissive parenting" bend.  The other has more of a "punitive parenting" direction.  I wouldn't call it a bend as it's pretty obvious.  The third question, however, goes on to explain why consistency between parents is important, something I tried to no end to express to my ex, but was never able to get through.

Finally, as with every chapter, there are the study group questions.  Again, it seems like a rehash of questions from the previous chapters, kind of a reinforcing of the concept.

While I do understand the purpose of repetition on getting the point to sink in, I have to admit, it's quite frustrating to have the same points demonstrated over and over again, chapter after chapter.  I know the beginning of the book stated the first few chapters would be outlining the flaws in parenting styles, but I really wish they would get on to the point of changing behaviors and starting to work towards setting those limits and changing the family dynamic, rather than continuously repeating the same information.

"Potty Training" Success!

I hate the phrase "potty training", but it really is the best term for it.  I'm sure everyone knows just how much I hate the concept of training my children like animals, but in a sense, learning to use the toilet instead of a diaper really is an act of training one's self to be able to do it.

Until now we've been doing a little dance, forward and back, better and worse.  It seems like we're never going to see the end of it.  In truth, I was beginning to wonder if we ever would.  My older son just doesn't seem to have the drive.  Diapers just seem so much more comfortable for him.  It's not surprising with everything we've been through as a family that he wouldn't be ready to grow up quite yet.

The past couple of days we've been making progress.  Yes, he still has accidents, but at least they're far limited from what they were before.  He's not having as many and that's making a huge difference.  He's decided he's going to learn to use the toilet by sitting on the toilet when he thinks he has to go, and stays there until he actually does.  He's even managed to poop on the potty this way!  Yes, sometimes he does miss it and not get there soon enough, but it's progress, and it's something he wanted to do himself, with some encouragement from his sister and I.

It seems like it's taken forever, but we're getting there!  Using the toilet is a possibility that's in sight!  He won't be in diapers forever!  Actually, the end to diapers may be sooner than later!

The Importance of a Calendar

For the past couple of weeks I've been trying to get myself into some good habits so my family life flows more smoothly.  Part of that is the inclusion of a calendar, so that no one is caught off guard by activities they've forgotten or anything else.  That means at the beginning of the year we'll be putting up a calendar and filling it with notations for important dates, classes, work schedules, meetings, and homeschool events.  It's going to become a central part of our family, which is what we really need to keep ourselves on track.

As I started thinking about this project I realized that my daughter and I haven't done any work with a calendar in quite some time.  She'd been "struggling" through the days of the weeks and the months of the year.  It really wasn't struggling.  It's just more interesting to stare out the window and get distracted by every little sound than to settle down and do some serious work.  It's apparently not nearly as fun as getting lost in space.  Even so, if we're going to be relying on a calendar so much to keep us on track, it's something she's going to need to know how to use.  The whole family is going to have to get used to it.

Today we took about a twenty minute lesson to pull up our calendar.  We talked about what day it was.  My daughter realized by looking at the calendar that she's going to see the Christmas lights tomorrow.  She got all excited about that.  We found Christmas and Christmas Eve on the calendar.  We talked about how having a calendar was important because it helped us find important dates.  We talked about the days of the week, though we didn't focus on the months of the year terribly much.  We'll go through the months again as the months pass.  We've made some serious progress!

All of this got me thinking about the way we've been working on our lessons.  All too often it's easy to work on these skills without enough emphasis on why they are so important.  It's easy to say, "This is boring!  I'll never use this!" when you don't know how it will ever be applied to your life.  In our case, we've done something different.  Yeah, learning about the calendar wasn't exactly on my daughters list of awesome, fun things to do, but she now understands why we find calendars so useful, and so important.  She's starting to look forward to working on the calendar again tomorrow.  We're finally making progress!

Explaining Rebellion

My daughter asked me the other day why the colonies rebelled against England, and why England reacted so severely.  She didn't think it was fair that the British soldiers could knock on any door, day or night, and demand to be housed, fed, and have their wash kept without offering anything in return.  She didn't understand why anyone would allow that to happen.

"Think of it this way," I told her.  "England is like a parent, and the colonies are like the kids.  The colonies are very far away from England, so they really can't keep a very good eye on what's going on.  Imagine living with no parents around to tell you what to do and you could do anything you wanted.  What do you think you would do then?"

"Well," she responded thoughtfully, "I would go look for a parent to be in charge.  Kids can't rule everything, you know!  That wouldn't be a good idea."

I put on a thoughtful face for a moment, "Let's just pretend that there are no parents around anywhere, and try as you might, you just can't find one.  What would you do then?"

"So, I could do anything I want?" she asked with that questioning look, almost as though she thought it were some kind of test.

I nodded, "Anything at all.  After all, there's no parents around, so you couldn't even get into any trouble."

"Yay!" she shouted.  "Then I would eat all the yummy food I wanted whenever I wanted.  I would go to bed whenever I felt like it.  I would play all day, and maybe watch some TV!  I would play with lots of other kids!  I would be crazy!"  She got up and ran around the room about ten times while shouting this out.

I couldn't help but laugh at this.  She was being pretty silly.  Still, I had to turn it back to the lesson and away from the craziness.  "That's pretty much what the colonies did.  They didn't have a parent looking over them to tell them how to act or what to do, so they kind of did their own thing.  Much like kids, each of the colonies got their own personality and did things their own way.  Much like kids, some still lived the way their parents wanted them to, even though the parent wasn't there to make them do it, and other colonies, like New England, really got their own idea of how things should be run and sought to find a better way."

She seemed to think about this, and then she asked, "But what does that have to do with dumping tea off the boats into the water?"

"Well," I said, pausing for dramatic effect, and because I know it keeps her interest, "when England realized that the colonies were doing their own thing, they realized they had to do things to make sure the colonies still knew who was the boss.  They also wanted to make more money off the colonies, so that the colonies couldn't get too rich and contend with British power.  As a result, they started taxing the colonists.  They were taxed on sugar.  There was the Stamp Act..."

Before I could finish my speech, she broke in with, "They were even taxing their tea!  They wanted to make everyone pay the king for everything, didn't they?"

I nodded, "Pretty much.  Taxes on a population is one way to make sure the people know who is in charge, who makes the rules, and who they have to answer to."

"But that's not fair!" she broke in again.

"I know," I responded, "But that's why they wanted to have their own representation in Parliament.  If they had someone to speak for them in Parliament, then they would have a chance to speak for their own rights, to help make the laws that governed them.  It's like when you and I sit down to solve problems together, or what chores you have to do, so you have some say in the rules you have to follow."

She nodded, "That would be fair."

"But," I said, "Parliament listen, so the colonists felt they had to do something about their unfair treatment.  So, pretending there's no parents around still, what would you do if some parent from far away started insisting that you give up some of everything you got, just because that parent was making sure you were safe and no one could hurt you from very far away.  Instead of caring for you themselves, they just sent some teacher or babysitter to watch over you and all the kids in the whole town...and to collect their tax?"

"I wouldn't give the parent anything!" she cried.  "That's just not fair!  The parent isn't really doing anything for me.  I'd rather just give it all to the person in charge.  That would be more fair."

"The colonists didn't think it was very fair either," I said.  So instead of complaining about it, they decided to do something about it, something that would cost their parent country a lot of money, possibly even more money than they had managed to tax from that colony with all of their other crazy taxes."

She smiled, "They had to do something about it!  They had to make that bad parent England listen to them because they weren't being fair!"

"Exactly!" I exclaimed, "But England didn't like it very much, so they decided the colonies couldn't be trusted.  They needed to show that they were there, watching everything the colonists did.  That's why they sent all the soldiers, so they could keep an eye on the people and keep them in control.  How would you feel if a parent came in and found out that you weren't doing what you were supposed to while they were away, so they were now going to watch you, or have you watched, every moment of the day.  You couldn't even sleep without being watched! If you didn't follow every rule exactly, you would be punished by being put in time-out for hours on end!  You would have a very strict bed time and wouldn't have time for as much fun as you would like."

"I would just totally ignore that parent," she said, acting it out by crossing her arms, turning away from me, and sticking her nose straight up in the air.  "It wouldn't be right.  That parent is mean and I don't have to listen to a parent like that!"

I smiled, "That's rebellion!  That right there, not doing what your told for whatever reason, but especially when you know it's wrong!  That's why the colonies rebelled!  That's why they threw the tea in the harbor!"

We went on there to talk about different ways that the "bad parent" could have handled it so that the colonies would have been more understanding.  It was a lot of fun to discuss things from history in a way that's so easy for my daughter to relate to her own life.  She thought it was a lot of fun, and learned a lesson on how things relate, even if they don't at all seem the same!

A Focus on American History

As much as I've been trying to go with child-driven learning these days, I've come to realize that sometimes I've got to inspire and encourage more than I realize I do.  Again, I have to thank my wonderful aunt for reminding me of this.  She knows I'm one for all of these great ideas and ideals, but sometimes my dreams and reality do not always intertwine.  My wonderful aunt has been an incredible inspiration, and has truly helped me realize that sometimes child driven learning means helping your children remember how to explore, have interest, and otherwise be engaged by the world around them.  I may need to hold my daughter's hand on developing a few interests before she'll take wing and want to fly herself.

One of the things I've wanted to work on for some time now was American history.  As much as I know world history is important and everything, we do live in America, and there are some wonderful accomplishments made in this country that are often overlooked or glazed over in modern American schools.  Would you believe I know several people who think "the shot heard around the world" was during World War II?  Some have never heard of the Boston Tea Party or the Battle of Lexington and Concord.  Even more have no idea who John Adams and Thomas Paine are.  Several of them are under the belief that all Samuel Adams ever did was make beer.  Slavery is considered a dirty word and many of my friends don't know anything about it other than it happened.  It seems the fact that slavery was a large part of what made the South so successful and made such an impact on the economy in this country isn't worth mentioning.  No one seems to remember the cotton gin, nor who Eli Whitney even was.  Even if they do, they often don't know what kind of impact that one invention made on the country as a whole.  Many people think of Ben Franklin as simply a kooky inventor and don't realize the influence he made on politics both in this country and during his time in France.  Furthermore, no one seems to know about the origin and impact of the railroad on the colonization of the rest of the country.  It seems many people find these details unimportant.  However, many of these people can tell you about Greek and Roman mythology, the history of Ancient Egypt, and often times a good deal of medieval history.  While I do think it's wonderful and important to know the history of the world, it seems like the history of the very country we live in is glazed over as though it were unimportant.  Yes, this country may be young in the grand scale of nations, but there are so many inspirational men and women throughout American history (just look at Rosa Parks!) that we could learn from.  Isn't the history of the nation in which we live important?  Shouldn't our children be expected to know at least as much as anyone passing the citizenship exam would have to know?  After all, if it's so necessary for an immigrant to know, we should all know that information as well.  I'll admit, if I had to take the citizenship test, I just might fail!  That's not something I'm proud of.

So when I got the Liberty's Kids book in the mail from my aunt, I had to admit, I was thrilled!  The book we received was Freedom at Any Price.  I cracked open the cover upon receiving it (the only book of the batch I didn't let my kids run off with before I could take a decent look) and saw some names that made my heart overflow with joy, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Paine, William Dawes, Samuel Adams, Paul Revere, and John Hancock.  The dates of the story run from March of 1775 to April 19, 1775, which means this book will lead up until the midnight ride and the Battle of Lexington and Concord.  I have to be honest, I couldn't wait to dig into it, and I was very tempted to pre-read it so I'd know what to expect when my daughter and I read it together.  I'll also be honest, I couldn't make her wait until I had the time to read through it myself.  We've started reading it already.

I had forgotten how much an education without history is lacking in depth.  Yes, we've gone through classic children's stories, but we haven't really touched upon much history.  We tried to go through the American Girls books with Meet Josephina, but my daughter very quickly lost interest.  I guess she wasn't much interested in a Mexican-American girl from a time well before our own.  However, she's eating up this Liberty's Kids book.  I'll have to see if I can track down more!  Still, I didn't even stop to realize that she had no concept in her head of things like slavery.  We went to the Liberty's Kids website and watched a bunch of their Now and Then pieces, which she thought were rather interesting.  We sang Yankee Doodle, all three of us, though my older son wasn't sure he was terribly interested in singing.  I'm starting to realize why I like history so much again!  I've even learned a little information from all of this!  (Did you know tooth paste in the 1700s was made of crushed bricks?)

I have to say, I think I've finally found a way to inspire my daughter to have a love of history, just like her mom.  I feel really confident that we're not starting with the farthest removed point, and we're at least starting with a time when the people in that era and this one had enough in common that she can start to connect some of what they've done to our own life.  She can really understand it without giving me that look that tells me she thinks I'm completely out of my mind!  I think we've finally done it!  We're starting this whole thing off, and better still, she gets to learn a little bit about why this country is what it is today, and exactly how far we've come as a nation!