Unschooling and Socialization...I Think They're Missing the Point

I was listening to a podcast today about adults who were unschooled.  The general idea that was put out there is a lot of adult unschoolers feel isolated in their environment, that they're just different from their schooled peers and they don't quite fit in.  The response given in return was kind of shocking, not in contrast, but that those who were responding completely missed the point.

So, the topic presented is that many unschoolers grow up to feel that they just don't fit in with the societies they surround themselves in.  This was determined by asking a number of unschoolers from their thirties straight down to just entering adulthood.  Many of those questioned felt they were set apart from their peers, that they felt they were somehow inherently different for their need to constantly learn, understand, and better their environment as a whole.  They look for better ways to do things, even if it means feeling like they've got to reinvent the wheel.  They're innovative, creative, and driven.  As I know from my own experiences, many of the schooled adults I know just don't feel that same motivation and drive in their lives.  Most of the people I know don't even bother with reading books.  "Why read a book when I can just wait for it to come out on TV?"  Most of them have absolutely no interest in expanding their knowledge...on anything.  Because of this, they may have problems integrating themselves into "normal" society, at least at first.

Personally, I can understand where that statement is coming from.  I've felt disconnected from my peers because I like to read.  I enjoy learning.  I could see myself sitting in on college classes for no credits, just for fun.  I watch documentaries because I actually enjoy them.  I would much rather read about history or science than about some celebrity that doesn't even know I exist.  I'd rather hold discussions on math, science, history, education, or spirituality than sit and gossip about what's going on with everyone we know.  Honestly, my peers aren't like that, at least not around here.  I'm different, set apart from the group because I'm a life-long learner.  I also don't fit in because I always like to be doing something with my time.  I'll knit or sew while watching television so the idol time of watching some brainless show isn't wasted on rotting my brain.  I go for walks and dance to keep active.  I don't like my idol time being, well, idol.

That being said, the people who contradicted that idea weren't actually adult unschoolers.  These were mothers of unschoolers, some of them grown.  They insisted that their children had no problems socializing and that the whole concept was outdated because homeschool and unschool communities are so incredibly large.  There's tons of support and they can make other unschooling friends, so they don't have any problems with socialization as an adult.  These communities teach children how to socialize and get along with other people.  They learn to treat other people with respect and expect to be treated with respect.  Why?  Because that's how they were raised.  Adult unschoolers can fit in anywhere.  Why?  Because the unschooling community is so broad that they can move across the country and still be involved with other unschoolers.  Most of their friends generally are other unschoolers.

See the problem here?  Most of the ones sited interact largely with other unschoolers.  They don't spend much time around their schooled peers.  How does that give an honest description of unschoolers integrating with their schooled peers?  If you ask me, that's entirely missing the point.

There was one mother who insisted on telling a story about her thirteen year old son and overhauling the system of the school play he was involved in.  His idea was that if one of their actors looks bad, they're all going to look bad, so rather than choosing people based on the social pecking order, they should choose the best people for the job.  The director was so impressed that he talked to the mother about it to find out what made him so different.  This, of course, has nothing to do with how well this kid felt he fit in with his schooled peers.  This story doesn't tell us how he deals with other adults who were not unschooled.  This tells us absolutely nothing about how that one individual felt, but how his mother felt about the whole thing, and how his mother felt it was a huge sign of how well he was integrated into a social life with schooled kids.

It seems to me that these mothers are just desperate to feel that they're doing the right thing.  By stating that most of their friends are unschooled kids, it's almost as though they're trying to justify their choice to unschool.  "They've got plenty of friends!  Their friends are people like them!"  So, what they're saying is, "They pretty much exclusively socialize with their own kind."  Is that okay?  Is that a good thing?  Is that a sign of being well-adjusted individuals?  Honestly, I don't think it's a sign that they aren't.  As humans we tend to seek out people who are like us.  Therefore, people who have similar interests and similar drives are likely to be our friends.  Those who don't are unlikely to have much interest.  There's nothing wrong with that.  However, I don't think too many unschoolers would like hanging out with a lot of the people in my community that simply aren't driven to do anything with their life.  Far too many schooled adults I know tend to be pretty apathetic.  There's nothing wrong with that, but let's call it what it is, a lack of ability to integrate into that society.

I guess what I'm saying is if you want to contradict a topic, perhaps you should think about an actual contradiction.  Actually answer the question, not just dance around it with only addressing the half that sounds appealing.  These moms of unschoolers aren't proving their point at all, especially in stating that people recognize these kids and adults are different, that they stay to "their own kind" pretty much, and that they don't really have much interest in their schooled peers.  Doesn't that kind of prove the point that was made in the first place?  The statement made by the grown unschooler who feels like he doesn't always fit in with the world around him?  Personally, I think it's just one more sign that people should learn to think the whole question through before they speak because commentaries like this only go to prove to people exactly what they're trying to deny.  Unschoolers are different, and if those comments were to be taken out of context by someone trying to make the unschooling community look bad, it's pretty much handed to them right there.  It would be so easy to say that unschoolers only fit in with other unschoolers, therefore unschooling should be outlawed.  It makes them seem like they're trying to segregate themselves from society, and someone who's pushing the issue could even take it so far as to say that unschoolers think they're better than everyone else.

Normally I'm not one for writing something that aggravates me so much here, but this is an issue that needs more attention.  Perhaps we can use what we learn from these unschooler's experience to figure out how we can raise the bar for schooled children all over the country, or to encourage more parents to do something different, even if it's just to get their children out of sub-standard school systems and learning.  And perhaps it's worth accepting that a lot of unschoolers feel different from their schooled peers, and maybe there's something parents and peers can do to help them connect to their schooled peers a little bit better.  It's all in the name of improvement, and if people could look at that instead of jumping on the defensive every time something is said about the way they do things, perhaps we could make some progress in the world.

With all of this hitting me right on the heels of learning that the Texas school system now believes that George Washington is no longer considered a valuable part in studying our founding fathers, nor are Thomas Jefferson or John Adams, I'm a little irritated.  Hearing all of the changes in the history program to take out the labor movement and Malcolm X, it's only more incentive to do what I think is right.  Now I'm just waiting to hear that they're going to be canning women's suffrage and that will be the last blow to the Texas school system in my book.  Honestly, I know I'm doing the right thing, and I don't feel I need to defend my choices tooth and claw every time someone brings up something that might not be seen as a positive.  Instead, I think it's my job to figure out how to work with that flaw so maybe my children can have a more positive future than those who have come before them.

First Day of School

All over Texas kids were loaded up on buses and packed off to schools.  I still can't get used to how early schools start here.  I remember it being September before we ever hit the schools.  While all the children got on the buses and packed into crowded classrooms and cafeterias, my children were at home, playing in their rooms.

I have to admit, it's a little sad when the kids go back to school.  All kids seem to look forward to going to school when they're young.  I know I used to think it was exciting.  True, it was pretty much the same kids year after year, so there wasn't always the thrill of meeting new kids, but it was still something new and exciting.

A part of me wants that for my kids.  A part of me thinks it would be good for them to have somewhere I drop them off and leave them in the care of another adult with tons of kids thier own age.  It would be a good experience for them.  It would be nice to know that they're learning with other kids and having to listen to rules someone else is responsible for enforcing.  It's kind of nice that it wouldn't be all on me.

At the same time, I have to say it's kind of nice to see that yellow bus drive by with all the kids who are coming home from school and know I don't have anyone there to meet.  Instead my kids spend the day with their family doing cool things they'd never get the chance to do during school.  It's kind of nice to know I'm not required to be home when the bus stops off.  I can go run errands when I want, and each errand can hold lessons for my kids too.

Instead of school this year, my kids will have their own kind of school.  The co-op starts in almost two weeks.  My oldest will be studying philosophy and chemistry, two classes that aren't offered in school at her age.  My middle son will be learning sign language and about the human body.  Sign language isn't something I've ever really known to be taught in school to kids of speaking age.  The littlest ones have play time, so my youngest even has a chance to get involved with other kids and learn, even if it's just "playground education".  You might be surprised what a child can learn at the playground!

While I do feel a little sad that my children will miss out on something that was such an important and influential part of my childhood, I think it's better for them.  I think they'll enjoy it a whole lot more, especially the co-op.  I can't wait until we start that!  I'm as excited as they are, maybe more than they are.  Every day they ask me when they get to go to the homeschool co-op.  Every day I feel bad that they can't go yet.  It's going to be a great fall for us.

Reading Poetry

We've finally made progress!  My daughter actually likes reading some things.  We're still playing the game of her trying to convince us to let her read the shortest piece she can possibly read for the least amount of work, but she's found something she likes reading, which helps.  It also helps that she's going to need to read for the homeschool co-op this year.  I'm starting to like the idea of this co-op more and more!

So what has got my daughter reading?  Years back we got a copy of A Light in the Attic.  I haven't done much with the poetry in it because, well, I'll admit it, I hate poetry.  I write poetry now and again, but I hate reading it.  As a result, I didn't put much thought into reading it to her.

Don't get me wrong, I'm good with poetry.  I understand it.  Unfortunately, it just doesn't captivate my interest.  I find it rather boring.  It's just not something that inspires me.  At this rate, she's going to be reading well enough for the co-op in no time!

Learn Nothing Day, 2011

Yes, today is learn nothing day.  Want to know what that means?  Well...I'd love to explain it for you, but, you see, then you would be learning something, and doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose?  But it may already be too late?  What if you didn't know it was Learn Nothing Day?  Then you just learned that it was Learn Nothing Day...  Oh dear...  Well...I guess I kind of failed on that one too because I gave you the opportunity to learn.  I'm not so good at this whole thing.  You see, we're an unschooling family.  We're used to learning something new, or more accurately, a lot of new things, each and every day.

There it is.  I've finally said it.  I've come out of the education closet as an unschooler.  I've been denying it for a while.  I've been trying to play off as a traditional homeschooler, but we're not.  We don't use some elements of unschooling, not anymore.  We've gone off and have decided to use nothing but unschooling.  And you know what?  I've never had so much fun!

But...that brings us to today.  We started off the day in a rocky way.  We tried to forget about things we just might be learning.  We've tried as hard as we can to clear our minds of all the things that might inspire us to learn.  We've given up anything that might inspire learning in any way, shape or form.  Do you have any idea how hard that is?

So far the first one to fail was the baby.  Our little dude learned that his sippy cup can balance on it's top, and will rock back and forth.  I'm trying to make excuses for him, like maybe he learned this earlier and is just demonstrating it, but the truth is, I think he must have learned from that.  I think my older two are okay, so far...  They've been asking questions though...  They've been asking question after question and I have to keep reminding them to stop thinking so hard!  They might just learn something!

It's been rocky...and I think sadly...my older two have learned something today in spite of it all...  NOT learning is really hard!  It's impossible to go a day without learning something.  It's something that's so much a part of our nature as humans that it's impossible to think of any other choice.  We learn something in just about everything we do, from childhood straight on to adulthood.  Isn't that the natural way to learn?

Kids and Arts: Teaching Kids What They Want to Learn

We've been having this reading battle with my daughter for...well...longer than this blog has been in existence.  I've decided that, since the summer's still upon us, maybe I won't do the conventional push for reading.  Maybe we'll do something that interests her, see if we can foster some creativity.

I've been trying to encourage my daughter's love of art.  She's always said she wanted to be an artist, though she doesn't really know anything about art.  We used to have some art books around the house to help her with drawing, but somewhere along the lines they disappeared right along with my sock knitting book and some other things.  She really didn't have much opportunity to study art, nor a lot of artists.  The best I could do was set her to drawing and let her go.

Just the other day Marrok decided he was going to sit down with her.  He was going to work on sculpting, so he wanted to give her a chance to do it with him.  He talked to her about clay, about art, and everything else.  They both worked at making their own sculptures.  Corde made up two different pieces, one with some help, the other without nearly as much.

When they were done they baked the clay in the oven.  She was so excited about her own piece of art turning into something beautiful.  It wasn't enough that she thought it was good, she was just so proud of herself!  I feel bad that she's not going to get a chance to display them in her room until we can get a shelf high enough that her brothers can't access.  She's so proud of her work.

After that she's decided the only thing in the world she's interested in is art.  It's going to be quite the challenge to help her find other interests, but she's interested in something!  I hope this is just going to be the first start to many more interests of all varieties.  My child with no real imagination or drive to be interested in something has found something she loves so much that she's actually asking to read about it!  It's exciting to see that impact and that change happening!

The Act of Nonconformity

I've been doing a lot of thinking on the subject of conforming lately.  A lot of my friends label themselves as "nonconformists".  Really, only a handful of them actually stand for something in their decision not to conform to the standards of society.  Many of them think they stand for something, but in reality, it's all just an illusion.  It's really gotten me thinking on my stance on the whole thing.

For many of the people I've known in my life nonconformity is a simple thing.  If you want to stand out and show that you go against what society tells you to do, you change your appearance.  Maybe you've got a lot of tattoos or piercings.  Maybe you dress in a weird way.  Perhaps you've got some crazy hair color or style.  Whatever it is, it's seen as a way of not conforming to the will of society.

Here's the problem I have with that.  So what if you dress different?  I dress different than most of the people I know, sometimes in goth or hippie inspired pieces, sometimes just bright, colorful and clashing, sometimes looking a little out of my own time.  That doesn't mean I don't do what society tells me to do.  Does it matter that you have a couple tattoos or piercings?  I've got multicolored dreads, a rather sizable tattoo, ears stretched to fit a two gauge, two holes in my lip and a hole in my nose.  None of those mean I don't do what society is telling me to do.  Actually, in many ways, that "nonconformity" is a means of conforming to society or your peers.  For example, everyone around here has tattoos and piercings, well, maybe not piercings on the soldiers, but you get my point.

This kind of nonconformism is almost like a safe rebellion.  Yes, you're going against the grain and doing things your parents might have rolled their eyes at, but what does it stand against?  Trendiness?  Being mainstream?  But at the same time, this kind of rebellion itself is trendy and mainstream.  It's the kind of rebellion everyone is doing, and because of that, it's not new.  It's not innovative.  It doesn't stand for anything, aside from going against what the generation before us would prefer us to do.  In truth, that stance isn't really a reason to go against anything.

However, there is a small group of my friends who are truly nonconformist.  They go against the grain of society in a way that actually means something.  The things they stand against are standards in society (and I don't just mean the standard of beauty) and, as such, actually do things that make a difference, both for themselves and their families.  They are trying to make a difference in the world around them by going against the grain.  They are true nonconformists, and as such often become activists and the like to show people a new and better way to live.

Many of my friends choose alternative activities at first because of the benefits to their family or information they find that leads them to the right choice.  Many of these things quickly become hot-button issues between the tried and true believers, but there are some that aren't quite such powerful ideas.  Here's a few of the kinds of things I'm talking about.

• Cloth Diapering
• Anti-Circumcision
• Anti-Vaccine
• Sustainable Gardening
• Organic Only Diet
• No GMO Diet
• Vegetarianism/Veganism (for ethical and/or health reasons)
• Raw Foods
• Going Green (since before it was a catch phrase, and often to excessive degrees)
• Chemical-Free Households
• Homeopathic/Holistic Healing
• Homeschooling
• Unschooling
• Handcrafting (to provide needed goods for their family, not just as a hobby)
• Anti-Consumerism
• Sustainable Communities (such as Earthships)
• No Television (from as minor as refusing cable to as major as no video games or anything)
• Natural/Organic Health and Beauty Products

And as much as that may sound like a lot, that's just hitting the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the kids of nonconformists my friends are!  They're some pretty special people (and if the happen to be reading this, they should know I think they're incredible and I love them all very much!)  It's people like those who will change the world, not by dressing "alternatively" and making personal choices in style.  They are actually standing for something, be it personal health,  saving the environment, improving their own financial standing, and raising their kids to be good people who are healthy in mind, body, and soul.

I think that's the biggest thing that bothers me about people who claim not to conform to the standards of society.  All too many of them conform and only enact little rebellions, acceptable rebellions, instead of choosing to stand for something they believe in.  Perhaps if more people recognized that not conforming to the will of society went far deeper than the fashion industry and personal style choices we would have a deeper understanding of where the road parts on going with the flock or standing for your own beliefs.

Lessons from Life: Cooking Fried Potatoes

Given my push to get away from anything I'm allergic to, it's been a challenge to get up in the morning and cook for myself, especially if I'm feeling run down and low on sugar.  I asked Chesh to cook me some breakfast this morning, the fried potatoes he always makes, without the meat and eggs.  We had to switch from vegetable oil to olive oil so I can escape the soy too, but we're still adding a soy-based butter.  It's been an adventure to try and figure out what I can eat, and sometimes waiting to eat has left me so exhausted that the last thing I want to do is cook.  I'm blessed to have someone that actually cooks for me.

Today my daughter decided she wanted to learn about the process of cooking.  She's always been interested in cooking.  It's been a favorite subject of hers.  I wasn't surprised that she wanted to be his little assistant, even though there wasn't much for her to do.

From the kitchen I heard all kinds of questions.  Why do we use a butter substitute?  Why are the potatoes red?  She thought all potatoes were white on the inside.  Why weren't these?  In return she got answers.  I'm allergic to dairy so we can't put regular butter into it.  Potatoes come in yellow, brown, and red on the outside, occasionally even white.  They're just different kinds of potatoes.  As you cook a potato it sometimes changes color.

Isn't this what learning should be about?  Shouldn't kids learn about everything in their world?  Won't it drive them to be interested in other things?  Won't they expand their own knowledge on their own?  Or is better not to expose them to these things in place of a standard education?  Personally, I think my kids are learning just fine the way they are!