Over the years I've received so much criticism about the way I run my house and care for my family. Everyone's got an opinion. I've heard so many commentaries on how I'm raising my kids to have problems later in life, or that someone else is doing it better. How are we to know what the best way to do things really is?
I've put some serious thought to this concept. What is the best way to raise a child? What rules should they have? How will I know I'm doing the best for my children? In the end, does anything I do really matter? Is attachment parenting somehow better or worse than anything else? What about co-sleeping? What about cloth diapering? Does it matter?
Many people preach that their way is the only way. Your children won't be raised as healthy, happy adults unless you do certain things. Every parenting style has those who believe their way is the best and only way. They only want to leave their children to someone who will uphold their values should something happen to them. It's all about the "right" way to do things. It's all about what you're doing, not how your doing it. It's about the steps to raising a happy, healthy member of society.
Now, I'm big into the whole co-sleeping thing. I wear my baby. I breastfeed. I practice gentle discipline techniques and try my best to focus on parenting through respect. I've worked very hard to raise my children the way I do, but should something happen to me, my first choice in legal guardians is a family that doesn't practice parenting my way at all. My aunt and uncle would raise the children with a different set of rules and practices entirely. Does that mean I'm doing something wrong? Will her methods be somehow damaging to my kids? Shouldn't that be something I consider? In reality, I don't think that's the case at all.
What matters most with raising kids is the "how" not the "what". The techniques I use don't overly matter as long as I parent my children with love and respect. Whether my children co-sleep, breastfeed, or anything else isn't nearly as important as making sure my kids feel loved. Teaching them to lead positive lives isn't done through angry fights over a dirty room, but through seeing the way I treat the space around me. Children are mimics. They don't do what you tell them to do. They do what they see you do. If you spend their whole childhood seeing you do nothing but sit on your tail and play video games, what do you think they'll aspire to do. If you spend all day on Facebook, what are they going to do. However, if you keep your home spotless and truly enjoy making sure everything is in it's place, your children will develop the same respect for their surroundings. They will learn to keep their space clean because it's not an undesirable task that should be avoided at all costs. They may even enjoy it!
I once heard a long time back that a dirty home is a sign of an intelligent mind, but most psychological evidence goes to contradict that. I've also heard that the state of one's house is a direct relation to a person's mental state, the more dirty and cluttered, the less organized their thoughts and probably the greater the stress level. People who do things like hoarding do so out of some psychological need to hoard. They can't let go for some reason or another. This seems a more likely possibility, after all, someone who is very intelligent could also have very chaotic thoughts. They need organization so they can bring those thoughts to some kind of fruition. On top of that, most people feel less comfortable in a cluttered home where they can't find anything. I can't see any reason why a cluttered and disorganized home should be a mark of pride. After all, it's just a sign that your brilliant mind might just be filled with useless junk that you'll never use, just like your home is.
In truth, raising children is all about being positive and sending a positive message. Keeping a cluttered home will teach your children that it's okay. Having a pile of dirty dishes to the ceiling will teach them never to do their own dishes until it comes to need. Empty drawers until laundry day teaches them to procrastinate and do everything last minute. Yes, responding to a baby's cries immediately rather than letting them cry will teach them that they are loved and to care about others when they are upset, but that's not the extent of it. Like an onion, just a few positive behaviors aren't enough. There are many levels that need to be addressed and there are many ways to do it. There's just one thing that's common across the boards. Those who are raised in positive environments tend to be more optimistic people and are more likely to get things done. Those raised in negative environments tend to become very negative people who can't always help themselves.
So with parenting, it's all about the "how". How you do things leaves a mark on your children. If even the most boring task is undertaken with a smile and a spring in the step, the task becomes less of a drag, for you and everyone around you. If you face each day with a positive attitude, you will infect others with your positive emotions. However, if you face each day with negativity, you can only imagine what those results will be. It's your choice on how you raise your children, but do your children the biggest good you ever could do them, live each day with a positive vibe, being happy as often as possible and always looking on the bright side of things. Your children will some day thank you for it.
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