Since I was a little girl, my house was always a disaster. I wasn't made to clean up my room. In truth, I had so much ridiculous stuff that there was no way I could put it all away. The house was always a nightmare. I was never allowed to have friends over. By the time I was in high school, the clutter was so bad that nearly no room in the house had a floor, or if it did, there was no way I would find it. Cooking in the kitchen meant washing everything you needed before you used it, and there was always the risk of setting the house on fire with the trash and paper towels piled up so close to the gas stove. This upbringing has followed me painfully through my adult life. It wasn't until recently that I finally started to understand how much I've been carrying around with me.
About a year and a half ago I had some friends helping me to clean my house. This seems to be a routine in my life. Some important instance will be coming up and I'll have to get my house clean. I won't be able to put my mind to it myself, so I employ the help of friends to get it under way and under control. Thankfully, I have wonderful and supportive friends who understand that cleaning is just not something I do. It's not a part of my lifestyle. However, I've kind of got to do it now and again. This friend and I had a talk about keeping a clean house and why she felt it was so important.
"It's not about society setting a standard of a clean house," she said to me as we sat on the floor sorting through the mound of papers that had invaded my living room. "It's about loving yourself. When you keep a clean house, you and your family will all be happier. Having a messy house is just a sign that you don't care."
Now, this may sound like a catch phrase kind of thing. In truth, it is. She's been into the whole FLY Lady thing, so this is the manifestation of just that. FLY stands for "Finally Loving Yourself". You need to keep a clean home so you can learn to FLY. This was her parroting back that same concept, though, in truth, to see her house, I had to wonder why she kept trying to tell me about the system. Obviously she didn't keep to it with all the clutter surrounding her house and her constant complaints that she has too much stuff for her small family size. "I love the FLY Lady system," she said, "But it's just too much. It's great that she encourages you to do everything through from finish to end, but she's absolutely crazy with some of it. There's just no way I could do it all with my family. You'd have to be, like, crazy compulsive about cleaning."
Well, I do have to say that I disagree. A clean home isn't a sign of how much you love yourself. In truth, if your home is just the place that you crash between landings, who really cares? In truth, I've seen some people who are incredibly happy with their homes, yet they have the messiest homes ever. Yes, there's a point where the clutter takes over and prevents things that are needed from being found. This kind of impediment is a problem and can prevent you from truly enjoying living in your own, but I have known people who are just as happy in a messy home as in a clean one.
I can honestly say, I'm happy in a home that's not completely neat. I'm not embarrassed when friends come over to find my house kind of cluttered and definitely not perfect. I don't run around the house picking things up when people are about to come over unless my house is a total disaster. However, having it really clean, neat, and tidy does help me out a good deal. I need to be organized. I need to know that stuff is where I can find it. I need to know I've got everything I need in easy reach. Otherwise I just stop doing things I should be doing because my house is too disorganized to find what I need. This doesn't help anyone at all. Honestly, a clean bathroom and a sparkling kitchen don't make me happy. A spotless living room doesn't bring me peace of mind. Having a bedroom with a neatly made bed and everything tucked away just so doesn't phase me. Knowing my desk has nothing but that which is required for work or the project at hand isn't something I spend much time considering. However, I'm starting to recognize the need to do these things, not because they're important to me, but because this state is so strict about living conditions and the threat to take away your children that I don't want a social services call to result in threats over the condition of my home.
So I've started in on it. This time I'm not going to do it the way my loving Chesh does things. I'm going to do things the way I know they need to get done. I love Chesh dearly, but his idea of cleaning the house is to do it all in one day and stuff everything that doesn't belong somewhere into a closet or wherever else it will fit, then forget about it until it's time to clean again and more stuff gets shoved in there. It's not very maintainable. On top of that, it's easy to get burnt out when you go at it all day long or for a couple days in a row, however long it takes to get done. Then when all is said and done, you're exhausted and don't want to think about cleaning again for a week. By that point you've got to build up the motivation again because the clutter has started to invade. You may as well just start all over again because that's the way it will be by the time you get to it. I can't get into that habit again. It's not maintainable. Worse still, if I'm going to make it presentable because I'm being realistic about social services, or anyone else who may decide to give me problems about my living conditions, I also need to be realistic about when they could show up, which is any time, generally when it's least expected and convenient. This isn't something I can plan for, not really. As much as I honestly don't think CPS is going to be knocking at my door, it never hurts to have some major incentive when undertaking a big problem like this. Besides, it's happened in the past that cranky neighbors have made false reports, simply to try and get me in trouble.
This time, I'm doing things the smart way. I realize that I can't get it all done in a day. Realistically, I can't get it done in a week. It's going to take significantly longer than I would probably like, but it will get done. There's no reason to rush this. This is about developing lasting habits, good practices, and good routines. I've come to realize that letting myself burn out doesn't serve anyone any good. Letting myself get run down won't help either. I need to take this one step at a time, one segment at a time.
Thanks to diving into the whole FLY Lady thing, I'm finding that everything really is coming down to the same conclusion, my kitchen needs to get back in order. FLY Lady has this belief that the kitchen is the center of the home. The kitchen is the space that gets the most hard use and has the most purpose. With the kitchen a mess, it's easy for the rest of the house to stay a mess, but with the kitchen clean, it's easier to keep the rest of the house clean. The kitchen is also the easiest place for clutter to develop. On top of that, every time I move into a place, the first place I clean and organize is my kitchen. It's also the "zone" FLY Lady is focusing on for this week. This seems to be a sign for me. Therefore, the kitchen is where I've started.
Okay, I'll admit it, I've gone over the suggested fifteen minutes at a time. It's more like two or three hours at a time with the three of us (Ani, Chesh, and I) working at it with dedication. We've made huge progress. About every hour we took a fifteen minute break to go do something else or generally get side-tracked. We've made a huge dent. Our pots and pans are cut down from the massive quantity we had before. Now the only ones left stack neatly in the shelf. The food stuffs are all put away in the cabinets. We have a sandwich, snack, and beverage station right next to where the microwave is. The sink is clean (FLY Lady would be proud!) and the dishes are put away. Yes, the kitchen looks worse than it did when I started, but we're making progress. If I hit it again tomorrow for even as little as fifteen minutes, we'll be in good shape. It's just a matter of dedication. It's coming along and before we know it, our house will be livable in a way we can maintain for the first time in my life, and it can all be done in fifteen minutes at a time.
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