I feel like a company that's going under. It seems like every day I'm downsizing. In part it's because I keep moving into smaller and smaller places with less and less space for all our stuff. It seems like there's just no way I'm ever going to be a material person again. I suppose that's a good thing, in a way. Who needs all of this stuff anyway? It's just taking up space, space that we don't have right now. In some cases, I can make a few bucks off of it. In some cases I'm just tossing it at GoodWill where they can make the best out of it. It doesn't really matter (though the money would always be nice) because I'm lightening my own personal burden.
Today I've started the process of going through the house to get rid of clothes we don't need again. A huge bag full of socks just got tossed. They're socks no one can wear anymore, or those that have been worn to the point of developing their own sentience. In some cases, their mate disappeared several moves ago. I had hoped this would happen as I started making socks to replace the store bought ones, but we're not going to be so lucky. It's time they go. We'll keep enough around to keep our feet happy, but most of the rest of them need to go on their way.
I'm also going through my dance costumes and accessories. I've come to realize there are just some I never wear anymore. In some cases, I never really wore them in the first place. It's time for them to find dancers that will love them as much as I thought I would. Clearly, I've developed a much more particular sense of style, and the pieces I once thought suited me so well really don't anymore. I hope I can make a few bucks off of them, after all, they were all very expensive. In some cases, they're things I've made for myself and just need to get rid of. I'd love to keep them, but you do what you must when times are tight, and I can always make more. I wanted to make a business out of making and selling them anyway!
Finally, I've been sorting through all our other stuff again. It's time to start wrangling up toys that don't get played with again, though this time it seems like there aren't many to sort out. Most of the toys are well used and loved. It's also a good excuse to organize and putt all the like with like again. That probably won't happen until we finally move, since there's no place for the toys here, and we won't be staying long enough for it to make a difference.
Then there's the clothes. My oldest daughter is my only daughter. At this point, I've decided not to hang on to any of her clothes. If I had a baby girl tomorrow, it would still mean holding on to them all for seven years or more, waiting for her to get big enough to wear them! That's going to take up a lot of space. It's not even going to be a short while, as I'm not planning on any more children yet, and if I decide to have one, I can't be sure it will be a girl. That seems an awful big chance to save on. Of the baby clothes, I'm keeping very limited stuff. Anything I don't absolutely adore is going away. I'm keeping all the little shirts, since it's hard to find shirts and not bodysuits for babies. With the use of longies and shorties, shirts are far more practical. I'm going to keep all of the hand knit stuff, since I adore it. However, a lot of it really does need to go. I'm not planning on another baby any time soon. By then we should be in a better financial situation to buy new stuff, even if it means buying it second hand. I'm keeping all of my older son's clothes, as that only makes sense. In two or three years the littlest one will be growing into them, so it's not like I'll be holding them forever, and I know for certain there's another little boy to grow into them.
I'm even starting to go through all the old things I've been hanging on to for so long, like all of my old notebooks and journals. I'm starting to sort through the projects I started and never finished. I'm even looking to destash some of my yarn and fabric! I know that's a shocking concept, and I may just have to destash by using it on things I can sell or use myself, but it's time I stopped holding on to things. I can only drag it around with me for so much longer and it's starting to hold me back. In the end, you can't take it with you, so what would be the point of holding on to it my whole life when someone else could actually use it to make something they love?
It feels good to downsize again, in a way, but at the same time, it's difficult. It's hard to let go of things you've carried around for years. It's hard to simply drop everything and move on. It's also hard because it has that foreboding sense of moving again. I can't entirely complain. The situation we're moving into will be great to us. We'll actually be paying rent and bills, so we're earning a good tenant history. The place is inexpensive, so we're not paying as much as we could have to. Our soon-to-be room mate is a wonderful person. Finally, it will be closer to where I teach. My partner is also winning out as he's being transferred at work to a place that will allow for more hours and a schedule he wants. This is a wonderful, positive change for us. It's also added incentive to get rid of all the extra baggage we've been carrying around.
As for the news on moving (if you didn't already know), it's just a stroke of bad news for the friends we're living with. This is what happens when the economy takes a turn for the worse. They're suffering through their own hard times. We're parting in peace, and I really do hope they land on their feet. I wish much the same for my own family.
For now, it's back to downsizing. It's back to releasing the things that are holding me back. It's time to start accepting that sometimes stuff is just stuff and all it does is get in the way. By the time I'm done, it may feel sparse, like we have nothing, but at least we'll know the only stuff remaining is that which we'll truly enjoy.
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