Vacation and Nursing Stikes

I know it's been a while since I've written anything.  Life has kind of gotten crazy on me.  I've been slacking on a lot of things I need to do.  Thankfully, we've been making a little bit of progress on a few things.

We're just getting over a nursing strike here.  My littlest was showing signs of weaning.  He's finally changed his mind.  He's decided that he wants to nurse again!  I have to admit, I was a little afraid there would be nothing left for him.  I was afraid we'd be done by requirement.

I'm not sure how much longer this will last, but at least we seem to have gotten through this slump!  I just want to give him the benefits of nursing as long as he's capable of benefiting from them.  I know he'll have to quit some time, but I've heard from doctors that they now recommend nursing until age two if possible.  That's what we're shooting for!

A Sort of Homeschool Video?

Okay, I'm cheating.  This week's video isn't a homeschool video, but it's great for kids who do homeschool, and school kids too!

Enjoying a Day Off

It's so nice to have a day to relax.  I know the kids love it too.  We didn't do anything that resembled work, at least not in the conventional sense.  I went to my dance practice, but that was the most work I did.  It's so nice to have a lazy day now and again.  It's relaxing.

Once in a while it's great to sit back and just do nothing of importance.  Now that the kids are in bed we're sitting and watching Babylon 5.  Before that the kids and I watched Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.  My partner went out and did the grocery shopping, which is something that never happens.

I'd almost forgotten how nice it is to sit back and relax.  It's nice to take some time off and to be so mellow.  I hope we have a chance to have relaxing days more often.  I think this is going to have to become a regular weekly thing!

Tomorrow we go back to our new weekly tradition, game day.  I'm not sure what we're going to play, but I think we need to take some time and enjoy playing games together as a family.  It's important to us.  We really need all that time.  We need to enjoy this time as a family.

Crazy for Books

While my daughter's thing with reading has been written about constantly, I seem to have neglected to write about my older son.  The two are so incredibly opposite that it's almost hard to believe the two have anything in common!  My daughter hates anything that has to do with school.  My older son loves everything to do with school.

Just the other day I decided to sit down with my son and read only to find out that it wasn't going to be anything like I expected.  Normally he'll ask me to read book after book, but he won't actually take much interest in it.  He would listen to the story, make some comments about the pictures, and that would be about it.  Yesterday was different.  Yesterday we had a book that had numbers and the alphabet.  He enjoyed counting to ten with the book, and then, to my surprise, insisted on doing the alphabet twice!  We haven't been working much with the alphabet because he hasn't wanted to work with the letters.  We discuss some letters now and again, but he hasn't shown much interest.

Where my daughter seems uninspired to learn and do school work, my son is always asking to do school.  He always wants to be learning something.  He's very resistant on writing, but he seems eager to learn how to read, do math, and everything else.  I have to admit, I worry that I'm going to miss out on this opportunity with how busy I've been.  I also worry that, now that I have a child that wants to learn so readily that I'm just not going to be able to teach him well enough.  Seeing the way things have gone with my daughter has brought a lot of fears to my mind.

I know I'm worrying about this too much.  I know I'll be fine with this whole homeschooling thing with a child that truly does want to learn.  I know when it comes to having a kid that doesn't rebel at the first sign of something that sounds like school I'll really enjoy it.  I'm going to have a lot of fun with teaching him.  I just need to relax into it and let it happen.

She Can Read! It's a Miracle!

I got frustrated with my daughter today.  I couldn't take it anymore.  My daughter had been conning me for quite some time and I was done with letting her get away with it.  Today she would prove to me that she knew more than she was letting on, or she was going to be put in a position where it would be very favorable to learn to read.  I was going to win this battle of wills!

Today my daughter gave me everything I needed to make my move.  She declared that all she ever did was play.  She was bored of playing.  She wanted to color.  She wanted to watch a movie.  She wanted to do anything that was different than playing.  The only reason I hadn't been letting her color was a loss of crayons in the move.  I couldn't find them, so she's kind of been on hold with that in the whole unpacking process.  However, that little complaint had given me everything I needed.  I told her she wasn't allowed to do anything but play and look at books until she could prove to me she could do math and read.

Wouldn't you know it?  She picked up one of the Bobbsey Twins Level 1 Reading books and read the whole thing!  There was a little bit of resistance at first, but before long she had not only read the book, but she had gone on to do entire sets of addition and subtraction, with visual aides.  Isn't it amazing what little it takes to get a kid to prove they can do something?

At the end of it all she got to play a few games on the Wii while I was out at class.  I got home to hear all about it.  We reminded her that once she learns to read, she can play some of the harder games all by herself.  Once she learns to read and do math, she can even take the complete body tests on the Wii Fit Plus, which she's been asking about since it's the way they let her put her own stamp on.  It's been something she's asking about for a while now.

With all of this going on, it probably shouldn't be surprising that her little brother isn't too far behind on that whole reading thing!  I'll have to write about his learning journey soon!

Playing Games with Kids

I'd completely forgotten how much fun it can be to play games with kids.  I mean, we've played a lot of board games lately.  We've played a number of card games too.  It's been a while since we'd played any video games together.  I forgot how much I missed it.

Yesterday we pulled out our Wii Fit Plus again.  We used to use it all the time.  My older son's favorite game was the one with the penguins.  My daughter likes the hula hoop.  We used to play together to see who could get the highest score.  It was one of those things we used to play that was actually good for us.  While the game focuses most on balance, it certainly does make for a lot of fun.  We all laugh a lot as we watch each other play the games miserably!  I think the kids are actually better at this than we are!

After that we switched over to Sports Resort.  The two boys were asleep, so my partner played 100 pin bowling with my daughter, then they did some sword fighting.  Again, it's something active that we could all play together.  It was a nice day, so we could have spent it outside, but there was way too much to do around the house, so we opted to stay in.

I'm just glad we're having more opportunities to do something as a family.  It's nice to be able to enjoy our time with the kids.  Not enough families take the time to enjoy some time together.

In the Bed, out of the Bed

Last night was another rough night.  For the second night in a row, our youngest has decided he doesn't really want to sleep.  It's not that he's getting up and playing, which was the reason my older son eventually decided he didn't like sleeping in the bed.  Instead he's just getting fussy, like he can't get comfortable.

For our littlest one, sleeping in the bed has always been quite the challenge since he was six months old.  At first he would only sleep in his swing.  Nothing else would do.  Then when we got him back into the bed, he was handling it quite well, but he would spend about a half an hour crawling around the bed, fussing the whole time, because he couldn't get comfortable.  He just wasn't a happy baby at all!  Once he finally found his comfortable spot, he laid down and would sleep peacefully until morning.

We went through a couple weeks there where we were spoiled.  The baby would lay down for bed and he would cuddle up to me.  He had boycotted nursing, so all I had to do was put him in position to nurse and he would take his thumb and be gone to the world.  I was sad that it looked like he'd be weaning so soon, but I was thrilled that he was finally sleeping well.

That's when things changed again.  I don't know what happened, but he's become an entirely different baby again.  He only wants to nurse at bed time, so my milk supply is still pretty low.  He doesn't want to sleep.  Instead he crawls around and fusses all night.  He seems to get comfortable, then moments later he gets up and starts fussing again, sometimes just to roll over, sometimes to crawl around the bed.  He's always cold at night because he has this thing against blankets.  For a while he and blankets were good, but now he's decided they aren't any fun at all and do not belong on the bed.  He even sometimes refuses to lay on them, meaning my partner and I have to freeze on the bed!  I don't know how he can stand it!  Our room is pretty chilly at night!  At some point in the night he always fusses that he's cold and snuggles up to us, but won't tolerate the blankets.  We would just dress him warmly, but we've had to take to putting a towel down under him because he's been soaking through all his diapers recently.  I know disposables are more absorbent than cloth, but he's soaking through those like crazy too!  It's just so strange!

As a result, he's kind of been in and out of our bed the last week, making it hard for my partner and I to get any sleep.  I love my kids dearly.  I wouldn't give them up for anything, but for those of you who tell me my life with baby should be so much easier now that he's a year old, that's not at all the case!

Hopefully this is just a phase and he'll outgrow it soon, like my daughter and her hatred of reading.  I know he won't always be such a pain over where he sleeps.  As he gets older he'll probably be the kid that can sleep anywhere!  For now, we're just going to have to keep working through it.

Sunday Video Time Again!

I just thought this video was cute and wanted to share.  It was made by a woman who was "educated at home" covering the stereotypes of homeschoolers, and why people who homeschool blend in so well.  She has a point.  The only homeschooled kids you would recognize to be that way (unless you're in the know) are the ones that kind of stand out in society as weird...

School Is a Bad Word

I don't know what it is, but my daughter thinks anything that has to do with school is bad.  Computer games that are school related get old with her very quick.  I've tried a whole variety of games, like the Jump Start games.  She wants nothing to do with it.  It's all too hard and inspires lots of fighting.  It's like she knows educational things are supposed to be boring, no matter how much I try to make them fun.

Things are incredibly different with her brother.  Her brother loves school stuff.  Once I get him playing educational games I have to evict him from my chair so I can have my computer back!  He loves watching educational shows on television.  He could sit and learn about anything all day long.  We can play games, work with letters, all of that for days on end without stop, and even though he would be cranky with exhaustion, he would still beg to do more!  He loves school.  He loves books.  He loves anything that encourages him to learn!  He's all about learning!  I used to joke that he likes books more than toys, but I think it's actually true.  He does love books far more than he loves toys, though he still loves his toys.

My daughter has never been one for learning things that look like work.  She'll ask a million questions about cars.  She'll want to know absolutely everything about how babies are born.  She wants to know how things happen, but when it comes to reading and math, that's just too much effort.  I've tried everything from rewarding her for being successful to being hard on her when she's just giving me problems for the sake of giving me problems and everything in between.  It's been a constant struggle no matter what I do.

A part of me is tempted to just go on cues from my kids.  I'd be doing a lot of work with learning with my older son because he loves it.  I think I might burn out long before he does!  My daughter, however, I'm afraid she'd never want to learn anything practical.  I mean, I know she's learning how to read, but how much of that is from our frustrating lessons and how much is that from her own work?

I guess I'm still trying to figure out this whole thing.  It's so frustrating!  I've had so many people tell me that homeschooling kids learn because they love learning.  I'm seeing that with my son, but my daughter is exactly the reason why people told me homeschooling would be better, because kids who go to school develop that resistance to learning.  For years (before I met some of the awesome people I know now) I thought that this sort of thing just didn't happen with homeschooling kids unless they were in a rigid school-like environment.  I started to get down on myself because something must be wrong with me because I can't inspire my daughter to love reading and learning the way I do, the way her brother does.

Well, I guess this is just going to be part of the journey.  I need to set myself to be ready for the challenge.  We'll see where it goes from here.

The Baby's Rash

Okay, it's going to be time to do some research.  I'm at that point where I just don't know what to do anymore, and the doctors have been giving us nothing to go on.  Doctors can be so infuriating sometimes!  It's time to start working on my own solutions for this problem we've had!

I know I've mentioned the baby's rash, and I believe that he had chicken pox, that the chicken pox rash got infected, and it was all kinds of craziness.  We were suggested that not using cloth diapers could help with the rash if it returned.  Well, here's the problem, we've gone over to disposables and the rash still returns, though often times not as bad.  We're planning on going over to cloth again as soon as we can get our washer and dryer up and running.

Well, today we found that the baby once again has a horrible rash, the same red, irritated, and kind of course skin.  It looks pretty rough for the little dude!  This time, I'm at a loss for how he got it, and what to do about it.  You see, before those rashes were all in the diaper area.  We could pretty easily blame the diapers or moisture for his rashy problem.  Now, however, it's not in the diaper region.  It's on his outer thigh.  It could be from just about anything!  We can pretty well rule out contact with the rug or floor as that would have caused a reaction sooner.  He wasn't wearing any leg coverings when it happened, so it wasn't his clothes.  There's got to be something though!  That makes it so much harder to treat too!

Medical advice says it's got to be moisture related, like a diaper rash, but we've eliminated that as a possibility.  Aside from that, they say it must be related to a diaper rash that he doesn't have.  It's been quite frustrating to get any kind of solid advice!

I went through this with my hands when I found out I had eczema.  The doctor had never seen it present quite like that before, so she was skeptical.  Finally they figured it out and were able to treat it.  I hate to think this is what we're going to have to go through with my poor little one.  In the mean time, if they don't find a solution, I'm going to try to find one of my own.

Reading to Her Brother?

We've been having a bit of a rough time here.  Our neighbors have been complaining about everything.  We don't live in an expensive neighborhood where the apartments are well sound proofed.  In truth, we hear a lot of noise from the neighbors downstairs, and they hear every step we make on our floor.  They've done nothing but complain about my children making noise and shaking the whole house, even when they're just walking, or happen to be sitting down looking at books, or doing school work.  As a result, I've taken to checking on my children several times each day if they aren't sitting down with me.

Just the other day I was doing this when I heard my daughter tell her brother, "Let's read Madeline together!"  They sat down on the bed and she started turning the pages and reading each.  Many of the sentences are fairly short, so it should be a pretty easy read for her.  When I finally walked in the room, she said, "Oh, I was just telling him what I remembered it saying in the movie."  As much as Madeline had many of the opening lines in the book in the movie, I know my daughter hasn't seen the movie recently enough or frequently enough to have it memorized.  However, she's been spending so much time trying to convince me that she can't read that I'm starting to catch on.  I'm not as clueless as she seems to think!

I played a little game with her.  I asked her to say it without the book in front of her.  She couldn't do it.  She said she needed the pictures to remind her.  I gave her the book back and paid very close attention to what her eyes did on the page.  Yes, they looked over the picture first, but then they dropped to the little black words at the bottom of the page and showed all the classic patterns of reading!

Silly girl, you can't fool me!  I don't know why it is she wants to pretend she can't read, and we'll go with it for a little bit longer, but I'm smarter than all of that.  I know she can read.  I think now it's just a matter of getting her to love it enough that she won't want to hide her ability to read!

Finally Busting out the Game!

As I believe I mentioned before, my daughter was given the Made for Trade game by her dad for Christmas this year.  I had given rave reviews of loving that game incredibly much!  I had such horrible visions of busting it out and hating the game because it was nothing like I remembered.

Well, let me tell you, we all loved it!  We used the simplest level of the game since my daughter really isn't ready for all the reading that comes with the second level.  They say the lowest level is good for ages eight and up.  The next is for ten and up where you start as an indentured servant and shop from your list.  The third is for ages twelve and up where you make your own lists.  I honestly don't think my sister and I ever made our own lists, but I do remember insisting that you had to buy everything on your list as part of the game so we could make the game last as long as possible.

So we played through the game.  With what many of the reviews said, I expected the game to be quite long and drawn out.  I was expecting to be circling the board for a couple of hours at least, but the game was quite short!  I was a little disappointed by how quickly it sped by.  I can imagine with event cards and shopping lists, it takes a good deal longer.  Still, it was a good introduction to the game and the board.  Because it's so quick and easy, this could easily become a game that's brought out any time we don't have time for a huge ordeal of a game, but want something to pass the time.

Most importantly, my daughter had a great time with it!  She loved the whole feel of the game.  Given the game uses two dice instead of one, it's also a good chance to work on her addition skills, even if it is only between two and twelve.  She was working those reading skills too!  It wouldn't have been so bad, but reading has been rough for her.  I'm thrilled that we were able to pull out those skills in a format other than traditional schooling!  She was pretty pleased with herself too!

This game has gone back up on the shelf for the night, but I don't think it's going to be one of those games that stays there for long.  I have a feeling this game will come down again and again as it's quickly becoming a household favorite already!  I didn't have much doubt on that one!

Our Little House Elf

When I was a little girl I remember someone telling me a story about a little elf.  This little elf lived in this house with a family.  I want to say a wizard or a witch lived in the house or something, but I really don't remember that part of the story.  What I do remember is that this little elf used to cook, clean, and mend for fun.

We have our own little elf in the house.  She loves to clean (as long as it's not her room).  She enjoys helping in the kitchen.  She wants to learn to mend some day.  We're a very lucky house to be blessed with our own little elf!  It's such a joy to have one!

Who is this little house elf?  It's my daughter!  While she throws a royal fit when it's time to clean her room, she can't wait to clear the table and set it for dinner.  She's excited to sweep the floor.  She's thrilled at the idea of any little act of housekeeping.  It's funny how something an adult can see as a chore ends up being great fun to a child!  She looks at it as being very helpful, which she likes because being helpful makes everyone happy.

Again, this is kind of a revisit on that whole chore thing.  This is yet one more reason I think it's important for children to take part in keeping after the home.  If she can learn to love keeping house for the joy of it, she'll never tire of it.  It will always be something she can do because it brings happiness to those she shares her home with.

Some day our little house elf will go on to keep her own home, blessing it each and every day with a bright smile as she sweeps the floor and washes the dishes.  Cleaning her home makes her happy, and she loves the effect it has on everyone.  That's a gift she'll carry with her for the rest of her life!

The Perils of Nap Time

Nap time around here has gotten interesting.  Now that the boys are sharing a room, it makes getting anyone to get to sleep and stay asleep for long kind of interesting.  The little one really needs naps every day, but the older one has kind of outgrown the want for them.  As a result, it means the room has to be off limits for a while out of each day.

Getting the little one to sleep in his own bed has proven to be a bit of a trick.  He's big enough now that having him sleep on my bed for a nap isn't all that practical.  He'll be into everything in the bedroom before I have a chance to know he's awake.  Therefore, we've started putting him in his playpen for naps, letting him sleep with us at night.  I miss the days where we could just put him in his travel swing for naps!  It was so much easier to know he would be safe and secure.  I also miss those days when he was small enough to sleep in our bed without having to worry about him crawling off when he wakes up.  Still, he's bigger now and we've got to find other solutions that leave him safe and with the ability to rest.

Today we ran into our first major issue.  The kids thought it was a brilliant idea to put all of their toys in the baby's playpen instead of cleaning up.  As a result, I went to put the baby down, but there was nowhere to put him down!  By the time they cleaned it out (as loudly as possible) the baby was awake again.  I finally got him back to sleep and put him down.  He's not feeling well today, so he really needs his sleep.  Then I wrangled the kids into the kitchen for lunch.

Nothing would keep them quiet today.  I don't know what's gotten into them.  From playing to fighting to everything in between, they have to do it all with high pitched noises.  First it was shrieks from them pushing and hitting each other constantly, something that's not terribly normal for them.  After that it was hitting over a cereal box and shrieking with laughter like it was the funnies thing in the world, something that never amused them before.  I finally took away the box and then they'd hit each other and shriek with laughter.  I separated them and they shrieked so loudly, laughing and giggling, that they woke the baby up from across the house.  It seems like they were really out for me today, though I know that's got nothing to do with it.

Even trying to get them to settle them down to do school work didn't help.  Instead they screamed and moaned, throwing a fit, so that didn't fly.  I couldn't even suggest reading quietly because reading ended up with screams as they fought over books, again, not a common trait for them.  No matter what we did, the two of them wanted nothing more than to scream, shriek, and wail.

The poor littlest one has been so miserable all day and so tired.  I finally put him down in his familiar swing, even though he's almost two big for it.  In five more pounds, that swing will need to be retired.  He cuddled up with his thumb and pulled his blanket up, giving me the most tired, pathetic look possible and was asleep before I was even able to leave the room.

What about the older two?  They're still shrieking, screaming, and wailing over everything.  Thankfully the littlest one sleeps like a stone in his happy little swing.  He's not as secure in the playpen as it's not his old, familiar spot.  He's not as comfortable with the bed either anymore with all the moving.  He can't find his comfortable cuddle spot anymore.

It's going to be an adjustment.  Hopefully the screaming kids don't drive me too terribly nuts.  In truth, I want nothing more than a peaceful, relaxing day.  I'm still feeling under the weather.  Their shrieking, screaming, and general noise is certainly not helping...

Happy Sunday Everyone!

Okay, I think I'm going to start doing something I find a little bit of fun every Sunday!  In celebration of my kids not having to go to bed early so they can get up for school the next morning, I'm going to share a homeschool video every week for the next few weeks at least (possibly indefinitely because there are just so many good ones out there!) because I think it will just be fun!  For all you fellow homeschoolers out there, enjoy!  For those of you who don't homeschool, I think you'll get a kick out of them anyway.

So, here's our first video, I Will Survive (the homeschool edition!)

Children and Allowance

I wrote not too long ago on the concept of children and chores.  I got some wonderful comments back!  However, it did bring up some more food for thought on my part.  As Bailey had mentioned over at Craft Attic Resource and Sorting Through Life's Lessons, chores provide valuable life lessons for a child that they carry into their adult years.  They're not being flung helplessly into the world with no understanding of what they need to do in order to have their needs met as adults.  Chores shouldn't be thought of as a punishment.  They should be thought of as life skills.

TheArtsyEclectic at Literary Magick and Otherwise Quite Good, as always, had some insight of her own as well.  If you didn't catch the comment, she had always thought that children should do chores as able-bodied human beings, but they should get allowance "just because".  She hadn't thought about the idea that in the real world people don't get paid, "just because".  That very thought brought up a good deal of other thoughts to my mind regarding children, paying for chores and work done, and teaching good values.

It's all too easy for chores to become all about pay when you're using a reward-based method.  This is one of the problems I've had with the idea of Chore Wars.  It does inspire a pay-per-chore mentality.  Each job is assigned gold and by completing the chores, you get a certain amount of gold.  However, in chore wars, no matter who does the chore, the rewards are still the same, either a set value, or a variable amount of gold and "treasure" at the end of each "adventure".  The idea is that you never know at the onset of an adventure how much gold there will be waiting at the end, only an idea of how much there could be.  That's how real adventuring is, so this is how the game works.  As a  result, the set amount means you can do as little or as much as you want, but it's pretty well set.

The problem with kids and pay-per-chore routines is the ability to negotiate.  Telling your child you'll pay them a quarter to keep their room clean, a dollar to take out the trash every day for a week, and everything is all good, but then they can easily get into the mentality of chores equating to payments.  You ask them to unload the dishwasher to get the response "How much will you pay me to do it?"  Everything becomes an opportunity to exploit for money, and that's not a good situation.  On top of that, it teaches a child that everything comes with rewards, and the only ones worth doing are the ones you can reap benefits from.

I think my personal favorite way to look at allowance is from the stance of a job.  Everyone in the family has a job, whether it's going out and earning the income, cooking and cleaning, or in the case of my kids, homeschooling and chores.  Allowance is earned by doing your job.  In other words, for my kids, as long as they're continuing with homeschooling (no matter how it's done) and they're doing their chores, they should be paid for doing their "job".  They're not getting money "just because".  Because they're being an active and helpful part of the family, the family is helping them out with a little bit of money to do something they want.  It's the same sort of balance I have with my partner.  More often than not, he's earning the income.  I get child support for my older two, but that goes to taking care of their needs.  I also get my dance income, but that goes back into my business.  I haven't really turned a profit yet.  However, because I clean, take care of the kids, do the grocery shopping, and cook, I should be able to get an allowance for doing my "job".  I also find this assignment of "jobs" within the household to be useful.  It shows that homemaking and raising the children is just as important and necessary of a job as the person who leaves the house for work to earn an honest wage.  This helps create balance in a household, and also helps to demonstrate that every member of the family is vital to it's survival.  The family succeeds at finding their own happiness through working together and doing their jobs to be sure everything gets done.

When you look at chores from the perspective of performing a job, you can look at allowance raises and increased responsibility as "promotions", in a way.  "You're older now and we feel you're capable of having more responsibilities.  Because you're taking on these additional chores (even if you're giving up a couple easier ones to the younger kids who are growing into them), we're going to give you a raise in your allowance."  This also handles allowance increases for older kids.  After all, my daughter, at seven, would only end up buying more toys to clutter her room or candy.  We'd hopefully be able to convince her to put some away in savings too, but in reality, a seven year old doesn't need that much money.  A teen, however, would want to be able to go to the movies with their friends, might want to buy their own clothes or music.  They have a lot more ability and desire to spend than a younger kid would.  A higher allowance reflects that, but pairing it with a "promotion" or increase of responsibility, or more adult responsibilities allows that to become something more than "just because".  It also is an incredible mark of growth for a child, though they may not recognize it right away.  It's recognition for the fact that they are becoming older and more mature, more capable of handling bigger or more complex tasks.

For my family, I think we're still going to use the Chore Wars approach.  There's no ability to negotiate because every chore goes on the list as soon as it's seen as a need in the household.  There are chores of such a variety that almost every member of the family can do, aside from the baby, of course!  It's up to the family member how much or how little they want to take part in helping the family.  It means with the spring birthdays coming up, my daughter can choose to do extra chores (because she's very insistent on buying presents for everyone in the family whenever a gift-giving opportunity arises).  It allows her to think about things she wants, and make the choice to work towards them.  My sister and I used this system with my mom for a while.  We had the brilliant idea that we were going to save up to buy a horse some day, however, I was proud of myself when I could walk into the tack shop and buy my own riding boots (a pair I'd clipped an ad for and kept in the box where I kept all my savings) on sale even!  I had enough left over to buy myself a set of brushes I could use at my lessons too!  I learned to place a lot more value on each job that was needed in order to keep the household functioning, even though I often saw that those things didn't get done and couldn't get motivated to do them myself.

There are probably as many approaches to chores relating to allowance as there are families who use the system!  However, I do feel that chores and allowance combined do teach a good deal to children.  In this world very few people get paid to sit on their bottom and do nothing all day.  Even welfare families who are living in state funded housing have a requirement to keep their homes clean as random inspections are often used, at least in Texas they frequently are.  Even when it comes to non-monetary exchanges, it's rare that you get something for nothing.  Yes, friends do often give gifts and donations to friends when they are in need, but often they come at the exchange of hours of good conversation and fun times together, and the expectation that it would be the same were the roles reversed.  There are some wonderful people who give gifts freely to even strangers with no expectation of return, which is a beautiful and wonderful thing.  However, even I know that as homemaker who homeschools and runs her own business, if I did nothing all day but sit around on my butt and work on my business, yes, I'd probably have a much more successfully marketed business and be turning a profit already, but the money my partner allows me to spend from his salary would be spent on paying someone else to do all the cleaning and to raise our kids.

It's also worth mentioning that money earned is valued far more than money that is just freely handed over.  I remember as a child I would blow all the money I got for Christmas presents and the like almost immediately.  It would go on frivolous things.  When it came to my own hard-earned money, I valued it very differently.  I had to seriously think about how much work it took to earn that $8 movie ticket, or that $20 dinner out at a nicer restaurant for my friend's birthday.  As I said, I had carefully planned out how long it would take to earn my set of paddock boots (which I only ended up getting rid of a few years back because they were worn out!  That was a good investment!  They lasted ten years!) and because of it, saved carefully.  This is also a huge financial lesson for the future about wise spending and hard-earned money.  Even if you use Dave Ramsey's suggestions for big purchases, such as a car, and offer to match their savings however big or small, and that's what they have to make their purchase.  In other words, if they only save $1000 by the time they need to buy a car, they're getting a beater, but if they somehow manage to save up $10,000, they're looking at a pretty nice car!  Of course, you need to have the finances to match their savings to do that, but you get the idea.  Even with offering to help your kids with purchases you see as valuable, you're still encouraging your children to spend their allowance (and any income from a job they might get) wisely, which is also a vital skill for their future adult life.

No matter how you look at it, throughout time everyone has had a job to do in their community, and everyone gets some kind of return on that job.  In return for staying home and taking care of their children, preparing food, and clothing the family, many tribal mothers were rewarded with the meats and skins returned from a hunt, the harvest of whatever was grown in the fields, and whatever could be brought in from wild harvesting.  Today is really no different.  Everyone has a job to fill in society.  In order to get some return on that job, be it money, housing, food, or whatever, they need to fill some role in society.  I see the connection between allowance and chores being similar with kids.  Chores are simply one part of their role in society, their society being primarily made up by the family.  Allowance is one of the many returns they get for doing their job and doing it well.

Successfully Escaping Soda

I think I've found a way to successfully free myself from my addiction to soda!  I had expected this goal to be far more challenging than it has been thus far.  Of course, we still are pretty early on in the year!

My need for soda all started with a lack of wanting water.  Soda is sadly cheaper than juice, which is why I've tended to gravitate towards it in my adult life.  I've tried to keep juice for the kids, but I'll be honest, I haven't exactly given positive modeling for my children when it comes to drinking water.  I shouldn't be surprised that it's a challenge to get them to drink enough water in the summer because of it.

Recently I've started recognizing that my soda consumption has been a lot of things for me, unhealthy, expensive, and a bad example for my children.  I've been telling myself for a while that I need to cut back on how much soda I drink for years.  I've even determined several times that I'm going to stop drinking it.  Of course, it's that much harder when my partner can't jump on board.  He's inclined to drink soda all the time if given the chance.

In the beginning of the year I was left with no option on soda.  I kept telling myself we couldn't afford it.  I had the case of water intended for me to bring to class, so I had plenty of water to drink.  I had to live with that for the time being.  There wasn't another option.  With all the expenses from moving, we just didn't have the money.  Of course, that wasn't entirely true, but you can make yourself believe anything if you tell yourself long enough.  Therefore, I've been able to go without soda since our first night here.

Last night I saw my tea kettle sitting on the stove and remembered I had tea!  Not only did I have tea, but I had tea that helps encourage milk supply, which is something I've needed lately.  My milk supply has dropped far more than I wanted it too, and I want to nurse as long as possible.  Many pediatricians are now saying that if a mother can manage to nurse her child until two years of age, the child will get the most benefits of it.  I have to admit, I've been barely nursing recently (due to my son's nursing strike) but anything that can help, right?  Besides, I know babies well enough to know nursing strikes don't tend to last for long.

I've got two varieties of nursing tea around here, but the only one I can find at the moment is the Yogi Woman's Nursing Support.  I know somewhere around here I also have Mother's Milk Tea, but I don't know where it is, to be honest.  They both taste the same to me, so I can only imagine that they would be completely interchangeable. I suppose when I'm done nursing I can go on to some of their other tea varieties.

It looks like tea has really been the key to kicking caffeine, at least for me, and other unhealthy habits, such as drinking soda.  I guess I have it easier than some because I don't have to face the challenge of a coffee addiction.  In truth, most of the draw to the soda is the sweetness, and something that's a change from basic, flavorless water.  Tea is probably a much healthier option than juice anyway with all that sugar!

The Saga of the Shiny Sink

As I mentioned before, it was my friend The Artsy Eclectic over at Otherwise Quite Good that first told me about FlyLady.  I have to admit, when I first heard the name I couldn't think past the bugs.  Why would anyone chose a name like that?  I thought clean homes weren't supposed to get flies!

It took me a good long while to look into it.  I'd taken the general concept, but threw 90% of it out the window.  Wouldn't it figure that it was the important 90%?  All I could figure was that the goal was to keep on top of everything at all times and get organized.  I didn't take in all of the stuff that makes the system actually work.

Not surprisingly, I completely failed.  I almost wrote the whole system off, but I just decided to walk away from it for a while.  The other circumstances in my life made truly feeling comfortable with taking control of the chaos in my house seem completely unreasonable.  I needed to wait until I found a sense of stability.

When I finally went back to looking at the system again, I gave it a fair shot this time.  I thought the idea of a "control journal" was kind of hoaky, to be honest, but I would do everything else.  I could always leave off the things I didn't like, right?  I mean, seriously, did I need to get dressed down to lace-up shoes?  I hardly ever wear shoes if I can avoid it, even when leaving the house!  Besides, my feet sweating in socks makes them itchy after a while.  I don't need to do that, right?

Looking at the whole system, it did make a lot of sense.  At first I did find it completely ridiculous to shine your sink.  It's just a sink!  Nobody cares!  However, I do understand what she's getting at here.  I tried it, straight down to bleach and everything as directed, even though I'm allergic to bleach.  The sink was clean, sterile, and as shiny as it was going to get!  It would never be great because that sink leaked and water constantly was running down it.  However, it was so nice to go out into the kitchen and see one small place of cleanliness.  It was a little patch of heaven to get up in the morning and not look at a sink full of dishes everyone was too lazy to do the night before.

I have to admit, I never got much beyond the kitchen when living with room mates.  Again, it's hard to feel in control of your space when you're not the one with the final say.  When it came to dishes, I could insist all I wanted that there would be no dirty dishes left in the sink, but sure enough, there always were.  It was a great recipe for giving up time and time again.

I used to joke with my partner that I was off to "FlyLady the kitchen".  He would always get a kick out of it, but secretly, I think it made him happy.  He knew that meant we would have a clean kitchen, which was always something he found important.  As much as he never wanted to have to work at having a clean home, the cleaner his living space, the happier he is.

Now that we're in our own place we're doing the FlyLady thing again.  I'm really trying to adhere to the major points of the system without getting too hung up on details I know aren't going to flawlessly fit my family.  I can always work on that later.  One step at a time, right?

Looking at some of this, I have to say, I really do understand a lot of where she's coming from, even if I thought it was silly before.  There's a purpose behind all of it, and I think that she's really doing a service for families everywhere by her advice, "FlyRules" and everything else.  There are some things I really have grown to love about her system.

• Shiny sinks do actually mean something.  I have to admit, shining the sink doesn't necessarily make sense to me at this point, but I can see the benefits of a clutter-free, clean, empty, and dry sink.  On top of that, it encourages prompt action on my part.  When I walk into the kitchen and see a dish in the sink thinking, "Oh no!  A dish!  Not in my newly shined sink!" instead of getting angry at the person who put it there, or worse, ignoring it entirely and moving on, I wash the dish, wipe down the sink, and make it clean and shiny again!  At the end of it all, the dish is in the dishwasher, the sink is clean, dry, and empty again, and I now have a reason to smile.
• Cleaning really is a great way to bless your home.  It's more than cleaning out the negative energy for all you Pagan folk out there.  Everyone feels better in a cleaner home.  Everyone feels better when they can find things.  Better still, everyone feels much happier in a home where their stuff doesn't own them!
• Conquering Mt Washmore one load at a time is completely something I can do.  Of course, right now it's not easy because we don't have a washer and dryer, but when I could simply throw in a load of laundry every day and call it good, I found that I never got buried under a pile of laundry bigger than I am!  It also makes folding, sorting, and putting away the laundry that much more likely to happen.  Folding and putting away one single load every day takes no time at all.  When you've got a whole bunch of loads, it's way too easy to get behind and buried under your clean laundry, only to have it never go away, get on the floor and dirty, and then need to be washed again.
• Calendars are key to organization.  If I want something to happen, I really need to write it down.  The control journal concept is the same thing, just another way to stay organized and on top of things.
• While I may not feel the need to be dressed down to the lace-up shoes, I do believe that when you look good, you feel good, and that carries over to everything you do.  That means getting up in the morning, getting dressed, doing my hair, and maybe even throwing on a bit of make-up one of these days will help keep me in good spirits.  When you look good, you feel good.  When you feel good, you get stuff done.
• I love her concept of FLYing, Finally Loving Yourself.  That's what it really is, isn't it?  The whole idea is to have a clean home because it makes you feel happy.  More importantly, people with messy, cluttered homes are usually expressing a very big idea about themselves, that they just don't care about themselves.  They don't care enough to keep their environment comfortable.  As a result, cleaning your home is an act of loving yourself (and your whole family)!
• Taking on all of this 15 minutes at a time is much less intimidating than taking it on all at once.
• "You're not behind.  You don't need to catch up.  Just jump in where you are."  The whole idea is great!  It's easy to feel overwhelmed and like you'll never get anything done.  That reminder is incredibly helpful every time I think about it.
• Getting rid of everything you don't love, haven't used in the past six months, and won't likely use again in the next six months is a brilliant strategy.  I've built myself into the mentality that I can't get rid of anything because I might need it for something and I just won't have it.  That's the trials of living in such a fluctuating situation as I have.  When you have no stability, it's easier to cling to stuff figuring that stuff will somehow give you stability.  The reality is if I can go a year without using it, I probably will never actually need it again.  Someone else could make better use out of it.  The same goes for things I don't love.  If they bring back sad or painful memories, why am I keeping them?
• She always adds helpful reminders for healthy habits, like menu planning and getting a home cooked meal on the table, something that many families never get.  That's a perfect example of a healthy practice that seems too much for most people.  She's also always on her reminders to drink water (I think she even put it into her routines!) which is good for people like me who let themselves get dehydrated.  Another good one is reminders for anti-procrastination day, cleaning out the refrigerator, and using things before they go bad.  Let's not forget the importance of good sleeping habits and taking time out for yourself!
• There's no such thing as perfect.  I just need to do my best every day and stop letting my perfectionism eat away at me.  Just because my house won't be perfectly clean, organized, and clutter-free in a day doesn't mean I'm doing a bad job.  It just means I've got a lot of work ahead of me!

The list goes on and on.  I know some people find her a little out there.  She's definitely more geared towards homemakers than towards career women (though she does include a lot geared towards them as well).  I have to say, her women oriented feel to everything is a little overwhelming, to a point, as though women are the ones who are supposed to be cooking, cleaning, and everything else, but the reality is that very few men are actually homemakers.  Very few men do all the cooking and the cleaning, and even fewer men are willing to jump on board with this idea at first.  I guess in my experience, women are more naturally inclined to have a clean home that's inviting to their family and any company they might have.  I guess that's also the reason for the stereotypical bachelor pad and the need for "a woman's touch".

One of these days I'll actually pick up a copy of Flylady's book, Sink Reflections.  I have to admit, I'm rather curious about it.  After reading everything on her site, I'm very interested to read it!  She also has Body Clutter: Love Your Body, Love Yourself, but I don't think that one would be near as useful for me.

I know there's a lot out there about FlyLady being some God driven crazy lady that needs to hold everyone's hand because there are people who need to be told every moment of the day, but in truth, it's not about that.  Yes, there are some people out there who hold on to the most ridiculous stuff (see the show Hoarders...) but the reality is most people aren't like that.  Also a true thing, most people who are looking for books on storage solutions, organization, and are considering buying a bigger home just to house their stuff probably could use a system like this.  It seems these are the people who claim the system to be the least useful of all.

Honestly, FlyLady has given me the tools needed to pull things together and start getting my house in order.  It's not about hand-holding.  I don't need someone to tell me what I need to throw away or give away.  However, it's nice to have reminders that this needs to get done, and if I'm dedicated enough, I can stay on top of this.  Without FlyLady, I'd probably find a way to make it work, but until then, I'd still be buried under all this stuff!

Chores, Children, and Responsibility

It seems everyone has an opinion when it comes to chores and children.  Some people feel that kids should enjoy their childhood and chores are completely inappropriate.  Others feel that children should do all the chores since their parents spend all their time and energy working to keep a roof over their head and food in their bellies or actually staying at home and parenting.  There are, of course, tons of people who fall somewhere in between.

Where do I fit in all of this?  Well, I'm certainly not an extremist by any means, but I do have my opinions on the matter.  Some of them come from my own upbringing.  Some of them come from my own experiences.  Also have taken the time to understand the wide range of varying opinions on the matter.

Thinking back to when I was a child, my sister and I had no chores.  We didn't have any responsibility around the house, and therefore, didn't have any respect for my house.  I didn't need to worry about doing my dishes because someone would always be there to do them for me.  I didn't need to worry about cleaning up my room because my mother would eventually get fed up, come in, and do it for me.  I didn't have to do anything but go to school, do my homework, and play.  It wasn't until I got older and my mom stopped doing everything for us, and seemed to stop caring all together, that I finally picked up and started doing my own chores and cleaning.  It got to the point where doing a dish meant washing one to use, and everyone really stopped caring.

I've known plenty of kids who have grown up not having to lift a finger around the house.  In many cases these same children have grown up to have challenges in cleaning their own homes as adults.  I've even known a few who, as adults, have their mother come over and clean their home for them.  It seems there's a correlation between having no responsibilities or chores and learning to keep house later.

On the opposite end of the spectrum are the kids that have all the responsibility for the chores in their house.  I've known a few like that.  When the kids do all the chores and get the feeling that their parents sit by and do nothing all day, it can often end up with adults who feel that, now that they are adults, they shouldn't have to do any cleaning either.  It leads to challenges with keeping their own house clean, and the added hatred and frustration of having no choice but to do it.  They may want a clean home, but hatred of the task leads them to despise the work involved.

For those of you who know, I've been working a lot with the whole FlyLady system of house cleaning.  The Artsy Eclectic over at Otherwise Quite Good introduced me to FlyLady about two years ago now.  The idea is that a clean home is a blessing to your whole family.  The emphasis is on decluttering, doing everything fifteen minutes at a time, and organization.  Everything for the next morning should be ready to go on the "launch pad" the night before to reduce the craziness of finding things to get out the door and get stuff done the next day.  When going through items in your home to reduce clutter, if you don't use it and don't love it, it's gone.  There's no reason to be carrying around things you don't love and don't need, especially if you're not going to be able to display them so they can be enjoyed.  She believes that if you have a problem with something, rather than getting upset about it and taking actions that lead to negativity and don't get things done, leading to more negativity.  The final thing she encourages is for children to get involved in the process with the Riley Challenges she puts out.  If children learn that keeping a clean house isn't about doing work (work is a four letter word in my book!) and instead it's about loving themselves, respecting their home, and respecting their family, then they'll be more likely to carry that on into their adulthood, bringing forth another generation of organized people with clean, clutter-free homes!

Well, more on FlyLady later.  Right now my topic is about kids and chores.  For the longest time I believed that children shouldn't have chores.  Children shouldn't even have to clean their room if they don't want to because it's their space and they'll keep it the way they like it.  I somehow had this vision of my son's room always being tidy (because that's the way he likes it) and my daughter happily surrounded by scattered toys everywhere.  Once I was finally out on my own and away from my ex I became very aware of exactly how unrealistic that was.  Letting my daughter's room stay a mess often ended up in toys being scattered all throughout the house that she didn't want to pick up.  She would always demand, "Why do I have to put them away?  I don't have to clean my room.  Why should I have to clean anywhere else?"  Then the two children were forced into sharing a room for a while and things got worse.  My normally organized son didn't want to clean up any of his sister's toys, and refused to clean up when she was anywhere to be found.  He wanted to do it on his schedule, before a nap (if he took one) and before bed.

That very day that my daughter complained to me was the one I started putting my foot down.  My children couldn't live chore-free anymore.  They had to learn to keep after themselves, if nothing else, because I just didn't have the energy to keep after them anymore.  I started to feel under-appreciated, like I was expected to be a maid in my own home, and worse still, no one cared if the house was clean or dirty.  Something had to be done about it!  I started instituting room cleaning as a chore.

Just this past fall I found Chore Wars.  I started setting it up and assigned points to each of the chores.  I started with simple things for the kids that they could really handle themselves and really should have been doing anyway, cleaning their rooms and putting the dishes next to the sink when they were done eating so the table was clear and the dishes could be washed.  I told my daughter that they could earn rewards for things like that, and the gold was going to be directly exchangeable for money.  This wasn't something that we were just doing for the kids.  This would allow my partner and I to have an allowance for our own fun spending.  This would mean I could earn my yarn budget from my partner's paycheck without having to dip into child support (unless it was to make something the kids needed) or my business.  It would mean I could pay for a date night to the movies, dinner out now and again, and everything else without feeling too guilty about spending my partner's hard earned cash.  It would also give me a great way to keep track of exactly how much each family member got done each day.  Since my partner was often under the misunderstanding that I did nothing around the house all day.  Let's be honest here, if I do my job well enough, no one will notice that I've done anything, just that things (at the very least) don't get any more messy and cluttered than they were before.  More importantly, it's easy not to notice that the house is cleaner and less cluttered when it doesn't suddenly happen all at once.  The small changes are the hardest ones to notice.

So how does this really tie in with my kids?  My daughter has been asking what else she can do around the house.  She's asked me if she can have doing the dishes as a chore.  She's informed me (didn't know she was in a position to tell me how it is!) that she was doing the sweeping and I'm no longer allowed since it's her chore.  Part of this is the whole Chore Wars thing and the ability to earn a bit of money to buy things she wants, but part of it is the whole feeling of helping.  She's seen how incredibly happy the whole family is when the house is cleaner, so she wants to take part in that.  I have no problems with it.

Since my daughter's started doing chores around the house, she's become more aware of how much of a mess she and her brothers really make.  She and her older brother use team work to manage the dustpan and broom, since we don't have a regular dust pan and brush.  She has decided that making the table before dinner is going to be one of her jobs.  Now that we're in our own home, washing dishes is going to be her responsibility too.  She's not going to be washing sharp knives or incredibly dirty cooking pots, but the difference in her behavior and her outlook on everything has drastically changed.  She cleans up after her own messes more often.  She even keeps after her room more regularly!

I'm not saying I'm going to pay my children with allowance to clean the house.  However, I don't believe in giving children money just for being kids.  In the real world, you don't get paid to do nothing.  I don't believe in my children being my maids either.  However, I do believe in including my children in keeping after the house to teach them the valuable lesson that a clean home is truly a blessing to your family, and cleaning is just one of the many gifts you can give your family.  Helping with house cleaning will create positive patterns for their future, something they can take with them through their whole life, and encourages responsibility.

Children having chores is a benefit to the whole family.  It makes keeping the home a process that the whole family is a part of, so it truly feels like every member of the family is contributing to the home.  Most importantly, children learn important life skills from having the responsibility of doing chores in their own home.  As much as I would like my kids to do nothing all day but be kids, these valuable lessons will help make their own futures brighter.  Not only are my children learning to "bless their home" as FlyLady puts it, they're learning to create a positive, healthy, happy home in their adulthood long before they even get there!

Arts and Crafts: Plastic Loom

When I was little I had one of those plastic weaving looms.  I loved that thing.  I remember it came with conveniently bright neon loops to make things with called Hot Loops, perfectly adapted for the 80s when I got it.  I made more things than I could count with that silly little loom!

My daughter has had one for a while now, but she never wanted to use it.  I told her how it worked and she always said, "That's a lot of work.  Let's do it after I play some more."  She was just never interested.  I have to admit, several times I thought about giving it away.  I was getting pretty sick of toting it around with me everywhere.  It was one more piece of clutter that would never get used.  However, I hung on to it, figuring if my daughter was never interested, perhaps one of the boys would some day think it's fun.

While I was digging through one of our boxes trying to unpack and organize, I found the box for the loom.  Irritated that I didn't have any loops for it, I tossed it aside.  Later I found a bag of the loops and went digging around for the loom.  I was about to give up when I saw the box with the loom sitting tossed off in the corner.  I pulled it out and called my daughter.  We'd give it another try.  What's the worst that could happen?  The loom gets tossed in a box again and forgotten for a while?

My daughter put the first row of loops on without a problem.  It went together quickly and she was quite happy with the way it had looked.  She was working in a pattern because she thought it would be fun.  She chose the colors she liked best with the full intention of making the whole thing in some elaborate pattern.  I had never been able to get her to so much as sit down before, so I was thrilled that we could sit down and work on a craft for once!

After she got the first direction of loops on came the challenging part.  The loops we had were really tight, so she had a hard time weaving them through then getting them on.  As she got further along, the loops she put on first started to pop off and she got quite frustrated.  I eventually had to finish it up for her because it was driving her too crazy.  However, next time we're going to work from both ends towards the middle and I think that will be much easier.  I had to weave the border on it because they were just too incredibly tight for her to work with.  I was having a hard time with them!

Somehow I remember when I was younger this whole thing was a lot easier.  Perhaps it's just the batch of loops we got that were really tight.  It's entirely possible that another batch would yield loops that stretched more and were easier to work with.  I just couldn't remember having quite so many challenges with making pot holders when I was a kid!

However, the box had some great ideas!  It shows the edges stitched together to make blankets and purses.  The ideas they suggested were really fantastic!  Of course, right now we need pot holders the most, and I don't think my daughter would have the patience to weave a purse right now.  Actually, she thought making a pot holder would be great.  She gave it to my partner because she didn't get him anything for Christmas and he had been complaining that we didn't have a pot holder earlier when he tried to pull a cookie sheet from the oven.  He ended up using a kitchen towel instead.  My daughter was so proud of herself and her creation.  She's asked me to get some more loops for her so she can make more pot holders!  "We need some more for the kitchen," she says, "and for the play kitchen too.  Maybe I can use them for blankets and rugs for my dolls too!"

It's taken her a while, but I'm so glad my daughter has finally decided that using her little loom is actually fun!  When they boys get older I may need to pick up another loom or two so that we've got enough for everyone to have their own.  I know I used mine until I was in high school when it soon was replaced with art and jewelry making.  I don't want there to be any fights over who gets to use the loom next!

This whole experience is one more that I find incredibly valuable.  Children need to experience the act of making something for themselves.  It's especially beneficial when something they make is something they can use in their own home.  It teaches children to view things differently in our take-and-toss culture.  It's a lot harder to give up on something you bought at a store than something you made yourself.  Where a store bought potholder might get tossed when it starts to look like it's seen better days, a handmade one will generally keep on being used as long as it still remains useful.  Better care is also often taken of handmade goods, since they hold some special value.  It also teaches children that if they want or need something, maybe they can save a bit of money and get some entertainment out of the deal by making it!

Setting Limits Chapter 5: Are Your Limits Firm or Soft

Okay, it's time for my Monday book review continuation.  I had really meant to keep this going through the holidays, but I'll admit it, I got sidetracked!  With all the moving and everything, it's not surprising.

So here we are again, back at Setting Limits Chapter 5.  This chapter refers to us as parents like a stop light.  Obviously green means go.  However, many parents give their children a yellow light and expect them to stop.  Let's be honest, how many of us really stop at a yellow light?  How many people actually speed up to try and get through before the light turns red?  That's kind of how soft limits can be to kids, like that yellow light that tells them they should stop, but they don't have to.  Kids need a solid red.

The author gives a pretty good list of "soft limit" expressing behaviors:

• Wishes, Hopes, and Shoulds
• Repeating and Reminding
• Speeches, Lectures, and Sermons
• Ignoring the Misbehavior
• Unclear Directions
• Ineffective Role Modeling
• Bargaining
• Arguing and Debating
• Bribes and Special Rewards
• Inconsistency Between Parents
• Ineffective Follow-Through

Each of these is followed by a good, clear description and why these limit setting behaviors aren't giving red lights like you may think they are.  Some of them are pretty obvious, but if you want to know more, I'd suggest you check out the book.

Then we get into the other half of things, tips for giving a good, clear, firm red light:

1. Keep the focus of your message on behavior.
2. Be direct and specific.
3. Use your normal voice.
4. Specify your consequence if necessary.
5. Support your words with action.

I think it is important that the author broke this up into five simple things to keep in mind.  It goes along with the repetition used in the end of the book.  The more reminders you have and the easier to remember, the more likely you'll get it and keep a solid understanding.

The one thing I do like about this chapter over the rest is hidden in the parent study questions is a little practice exercise.  This exercise is to practice setting firm limits with your children and note how they react.  Make note of them.

I have to say, finally, on chapter five, we're making it to the meat of the book!  Isn't this what the whole book was supposed to be about?  Learning how to implement firm limits?  It looks like the book is finally starting to get to its point!

An Educational Card Game?

My daughter got this game a while back, I think for her birthday, but that should show you exactly how well used this game has been to this point.  It's largely been forgotten in all the moves we've had over the past year.  We decided on New Year's Eve to break them out and give them a try.  I gave the directions a read through, and since my daughter still swears she can't read, decided I would read the trivia cards and she would get to answer the questions.  Her goal was to get all the cards in the end.  It turned out to be educational, informative, and a lot of fun!  I can only imagine how fun this game could be with several players.

So what was this game that was so great for my family?  There were actually two games, Professor Noggin's Earth Science card game and Professor Noggin's Outer Space card game.  The game is fairly simple to play.  There's a six sided die with each game, though it only uses numbers one through three.  The cards all have pictures on them with the name of the subject the questions will be on, such as stars, Saturn V Rocket, astronauts, comets, etc for the Outer Space version and rain, continental drift, rain forest, etc for the Earth Science version.  There are two levels of play on each card with three questions in each level.  If you answer the trivia question right, you get the card.  If you answer it wrong, the correct answer is read aloud and the card goes to the bottom of the pile, recycled back into play.  Each player rolls the die and is given the corresponding question on the card, 1-3.  You can choose the harder or easier level for knowledge, or mix the levels to allow those who are more knowledgeable to play with those who are less so, like parents getting the harder questions and children getting the easier ones.

I have to admit, I expected my daughter to do a lot better on both trivia sets than she did.  In part, it was late and we were both tired, but I was also surprised at how hard some of the easy questions were!  Well, it's not so much that they were hard as some of them were answers I didn't even know, like the Russians being the first country to have a manned space expedition, or that the first creature to orbit earth was a dog.  In some cases, these were things I feel I should have known, but must have forgotten somewhere along the line.  I didn't take a look at the harder trivia questions, but I'd be curious to know.

While I do think the subjects were great as stand-alone games, I did think about how fun it would be to play a mixed category kind of game with cards from each of the subjects they offer (and there's a lot of subjects!) to create some larger game, though working through all the questions would surely take forever.  I do think the idea of having mixed genres for information would be a lot of fun.  It would also take slower to cycle through the cards.  Once the child knows the information fairly well and the trivia starts to become easy, you can then go on to the harder questions, or you could add it to the list of those to use for mixed trivia to keep the brain sharp, jumping from subject to subject, something I always enjoyed as a child.  I have to admit, collecting all the sets could become quite pricey, but if you use them regularly, it would be a good investment.  It's also yet another fun game that can be played as a family.  While the younger ones may not be ready to tackle the harder questions, by listening in as the parents try to answer the questions, or have the right answer read to them, they'll start to pick up on the answers themselves!  It's a great learning tool that the whole family can be in on (and learn something from!) which is also excellent!

My family does best with learning in a fun and engaging way, such as playing games.  Because of that, games such as these are perfect!  They take subjects like science out of books and turn them into something really fun and interactive.  Unlike science experiments, these games allow the family to work with trivia that can open up the curiosity to expand deeper into the subject or not as the child chooses.  Science experiments are also wonderful, but take time, resources, and typically a lot of clean-up!  The card game can be opened up and started in less than a minute and goes away in slightly longer than that!

I love these games.  I'm really looking forward to being able to make the investment on more in the future.  We haven't been working on them long, but this has been a great way to learn some new, fun facts for my daughter!  Who knows?  It may start with these card games, then end up with a love for something even more challenging, like Trivial Pursuit!

New Year, New Home!

It's the first day of 2011!  We've just spent our first night in our new home.  Many of our possessions were already here from moving throughout the week, but yesterday we got some of the big stuff done.  If all goes well, all of our stuff will be moved, taken care of, and done in no time.

In this new year we will be moving our beloved pets to a friend's house.  She'll be watching them for us for a while until we can put down our pet deposit here, something we won't be able to do until we're a little more situated.  As much as it's sad to know our pets won't be coming with us for a while, I know this will only be temporary and our whole family will be here before we know it.

Already we're settling in to our new home.  Books are put away on the shelves, food was stocked in the pantry.  I'm honestly happy to have a pantry!  With as may cabinets as we have, I wasn't expecting one!  I was also worried about having to spend a good deal of money for starter foods in a new house.  Apparently I hadn't thought about my own spending habits.  I'll admit it, I learned to shop like my family always did.  You always buy more food before you need it and make sure plenty of it is non-perishable.  I've lived that way my whole adult life.  I have to say, it's wonderful to know you have no money for food, then look into the refrigerator to find it empty, only to be pleasantly surprised by a stock of mac and cheese, pasta, and plenty of canned veggies.  As a result, we may still be largely all boxed up, but it's really starting to feel like home!

Yesterday we packed up the kids and waited at the new house.  They sat and played with Play-Doh while the adults took care of moving, unpacking, and everything else.  I got all the chapter books I found put up on the shelves.  I sorted out the toys to be put into separate rooms.  My daughter was thrilled to have her baby doll and her Springfield doll back.  She's only disappointed that her doll clothes aren't here.  I'm sure those will be moved some time today.  We all sat around the house and ate Taco Bell (an indulgence we really couldn't afford, but it will be the last for a long time and we had no pots with which to cook!) while drinking soda.  When the kids started to get tired (but couldn't sleep thanks to the fireworks crazy locals), my daughter and I played card games and on the computer.  I have to confess, it was secretly a moment of homeschooling, but it was fun and kept her busy.  It also kept her brothers out of her hair for a while!

After everyone went to bed, I went and made the house my own.  We still need to spend a good deal of money in making this house an actual home with all the preparations necessary, but that will come in time.  For the time being I threw cleaning rags under each of the bathroom sinks, the kitchen sink, and draped across the center divider of the sink for a dish rag.  I've got them color coded for each area they get used on, just so we can keep track of what belongs where.  We had to get new cookie sheets, casserole dishes, and utensils.  It's amazing how much stuff you lose along the way when you move so much and don't need it.  They all got put away neatly, and I expect them to stay that way!  We picked up a broom, dishwasher detergent, and blue dawn.  At least we know we'll have clean dishes!

Today we have a sad need for more shopping.  Shower curtains are a necessity.  We need cleaners for the house to wipe up the stove, counters, and table.  We need some thumb tacks for hanging things on the walls.  While nails are definitely better for pictures and things, tacks are much easier and hold up pretty much everything we could want on the walls fairly securely.  Besides, there are some things, like artwork from the kids and posters, that tacks are ideal for.  As I'm unpacking, pictures and posters will start going up.  Artwork will start to appear on the walls too, I'm sure.  That's a part of having a real home, not just a place to dump your stuff and fall asleep at night.  I hate to say it, but I've never had that before.  In most of my homes the walls have been these pristine surfaces of white.  Rarely did we put up even a single picture.  I know that was a largely a factor of my ex-husband.  After living with him I was shocked when my partner finally started staying in my room and put his band posters up on the wall.  I wanted to cry.  He just couldn't do that!  The walls had to be bare!  Posters and things were just tacky!  Of course, now I really love it.  I think it really brings out an element of personality in a home.  He tacked up pictures that he and my daughter sat together and colored for me one day.  I still have them.  Now I'm starting to think about the kinds of arts and crafts projects I can make with the kids and hang up on the walls to decorate for every holiday.  We could be in for a lot of fun.

Again, I'm getting side-tracked, but the point is, for the first time in a very long time I look around my house and think, "I'm home."  It's a new year in a new place.  I'm leaving behind a lot of my old friends (though some are definitely going to continue to be a part of my life!) and I'm starting over fresh.  From the looks of it, 2011 is going to be a great year, and it's already starting off on the right foot!