Anything Can Be a Lesson

Yesterday was a huge reminder of how anything in life can be a lesson, and not just what you expect it to be in.  It all started around my dance class, but really, it can apply to any aspect of life.  Who would have thought it would be so natural for me to diversify so incredibly much when I'm supposed to be focusing on one thing?

It's funny, but I just can't stay on topic.  I'm supposed to be teaching dance, but suddenly I'm off on history, culture, and ethnic groups.  The same goes with everything else in life.  I start teaching Corde about plants and before long I'm on to history or art.  I'm trying to talk about reading, but I end up talking about science.  I suppose I can't complain too much.  My family is learning, and my dance students don't seem to mind.  Even so, I wonder what life would be like if I was one of those sorts of people who could easily stay on track.  Would my home routine be any better?

However, I have gotten something good out of this.  I've learned that anything can be a lesson.  I can start out with an idea in mind to do something simple, a craft project with the kids, and before I know it, I'm on to talking about history and science.  These just seem like normal topics of conversation to me, but it's learning.  I think too much emphasis has been taken off this kind of learning in this country.  It only seems the natural way to learn, to immerse yourself into the subjects so completely that you can't help but learn without even trying.  Adults frequently do it.  Why shouldn't kids too?  It seems like the best way to learn.  After all, if someone is talking about a subject passionately, then obviously they find it interesting.  Doesn't that kind of bring the student into it more too?

Frito Banditos, My Way...

I remember this old camp recipe we used to love called "Frito Banditos".  They were single serving bags of Frito chips with taco seasoned beef, lettuce, and cheese tossed in.  The idea was to scoop the stuff out of the bag with a chip and eat it, like tacos, only much less messy.

My partner adores Mexican style food.  He'd been asking me to make tacos for what seemed like forever.  I told him I was going to make him Frito Banditos.  He thought I was nuts, but agreed to try it.  It couldn't possibly be as good as real tacos (or so he thought), but he would give it a fair chance.

At the time I couldn't remember how to make the stuff.  I swear, pregnancy brain had eaten away any of the memory I had left, so I could only hazard a guess.  I used taco seasoning with the beef and threw in some cheese (we gave up on the lettuce because no one felt up to cutting it), tossed in a bit of taco sauce to make it a bit spicier, and went at it with chips.  It was a minor success, but we decided that the cheese would be much better if it was melted.  We would have to try that next time.

The next time we tossed in the cheese just as the meat was finishing cooking, just long enough to make it all melty.  It was a hit!  Since then my partner and my kids have both been begging me to make it again!  It's more of a success than mac and cheese!  It doesn't hurt that it brings a bit of diversity to the table too.

This last time I decided to go all wild with it.  Okay, so we've got the general idea, and have turned it into a pretty good dip, just by melting the cheese and adding a little bit of hot sauce (well...medium or mild for the kids).  Let's see just how far we can take this baby!  I'll admit, I went a little nuts at the grocery store.  I was stalking the aisles like a mad woman, comparing things, picking things up, then putting them back, only to go back to it three or four aisles later when I decided I really did want it after all.  I must have looked half crazed as I stopped in the middle of an aisle as inspiration took me and I went trotting off to another aisle just to pick something up, reconsider, put it back, and start texting like a mad woman on my phone to make sure something would be edible for my partner.  He may not be very picky, but what he's picky on, he's VERY picky.  I'm sure it would have been quite comical to see a video of myself on my mad quest for the right ingredients.  It's as bad as taking me to a fabric store when I've got a specific project to make!

Finally, I packed my ingredients up and took off out of there before I could come up with anything else to throw into the mix.  Throwing in too much could be dangerous, and a recipe for disaster.  I was quite satisfied and couldn't wait to put it all together.

Here's what we ended up tossing in:
2lbs of lean ground beef (browned)
2 packages of taco seasoning (with water to match)
1 full package of shredded Mexican cheese (the one with pepper jack...nummy...can  you tell we like cheese?)
2 cans of refried beans
1/2 a regular sized jar of Pace hot salsa
Hot and Medium taco sauce to taste
1 whole large tomato
Some random amount of lettuce that looked pretty good.

Pretty much it went just like that.  We seasoned the beef after it was browned as per the instructions.  We heated up the beans as per the instructions as well.  Then we tossed in the cheese to melt into the beef, as always.  Then we threw it all into two separate bowls to mix up.  One bowl got medium sauce for the kids.  The other got hot sauce and hot salsa.  It was incredible!  I'll never make it the old way again!  And we've got enough leftovers that we've already gotten two meals out of it, and we could still get at least one more!

If you have a thing against some of the ingredients, it's easy to sub stuff out.  Want vegetarian?  Just use a meat substitute and vegetarian refried beans (yup, they make them...almost bought some).  Dairy free?  Just use a melty cheese substitute.  It's easy enough to do!  Mind you, it'll look kind of nasty once you mix it all up, but it tastes wonderful!  At least, my family thinks so.

Next time I think I might go for a bit more of a bold nacho style.  We definitely needed more lettuce.  There wasn't near enough green.  I think I might even get wild and think about adding some sour cream.  I think maybe I need to figure out some more veggies to toss in.  Any suggestions?  It's got to be something that can be cut up small and bite sized.  Ooo...an onion might be good!  I wonder what else I can come up with...maybe I should start checking out nacho recipes.

To think, all of this started with a well-loved childhood favorite recipe, something I learned at Girl Scout camp of all places!  Who would have thought it would have me adventuring into so many new flavors and possibilities?  I think I'm going to like feeling like I can really cook again!

Oh, and if any of my family is out there reading this (and I know at least one  person is) or anyone else who knows just how picky I am, yup, you read it right.  I ate refried beans.  I've used tomato.  I'd like to use onions.  I'm thinking sour cream would be a good addition, maybe some black olives...or that green stuff with a name I can't remember right now made from avocado...  Yes, picky little me is learning to diversify!

Finally Getting Organized

Things are starting to progress around here.  Homeschooling is still a minor failure.  Instead of doing traditional things, like writing, reading, and all of that, our lessons have come in bitty spurts as I've been feeling up to them.  The weather changing seems to have brought on a good deal of joint pain, especially bringing back that severe pain that hit my knees at a festival nearly eight years ago.  It's really slowed me down a lot, but I'm doing what I can.  One of these days I'll actually have to go get a doctor to diagnose what's wrong with me, but they've been working on that for years, so I'm not too worried about seeing to it tomorrow or anything.  One day at a time is all I can manage these days, so I'm just taking it slow.  Right now getting settled and back into routine is more important than going through all the same tests over again because there's been problems with getting my medical files transferred.

Thankfully, some progress is being made.  My partner and I have been hitting the room hard this weekend.  Something needed to get done.  The place was in total chaos.  The whole house needs a lot of work, both on a maintenance and repair level and on a more normal cleaning and organizing kind of scheme.  However, our room was starting to drive me nuts.  We had furniture that needed moving so our books can go up on the shelf.  We needed to move our bed, a desk, and so much more.  Oh, just because I want to point this out, for the first time in a very long time I'm actually sitting at a desk while on my computer!  It's such a nice change!  We've still got one bookshelf to move and our bed to place and make again, but for the most part, it's really come a long way.  The place is starting to look more like a home than a random place where everyone stores all of their stuff.

The first focus we had when we moved in was to set up a room for the kids.  We wanted them to have some feeling of normal life back again.  I wanted them to feel like they were really home and settle in.  Isn't that just how moms are?  They put the needs of their kids first, sometimes to the point of forgetting their own needs all together.  That's kind of where I was at.  I didn't stop to think how insane I was going at the state of my own room until I started to move things and get them in order.

I'll admit full well that I have problems with stress and anxiety.  It's all too easy to get overwhelmed.  Who doesn't in these days when the economy is bad and it seems like everywhere you turn the news is no better?  However, I've always been a firm believer in the idea of hearth and home.  Home should be the sanctuary for a family.  It should be that one place they return to and always feel like they are supported, strong, and at peace.  I'm finally getting to the point where I can have that again.  It certainly took me long enough!

This also makes my life easier in a number of ways.  My life can largely be conducted upstairs now.  I can sit in my room at my computer to work.  I can be upstairs with the children, using the desk in their room for homeschool.  I don't have to worry near so much about going up and down stairs all day, something that gives my knees hell every time I do.  Instead, I can spend much of my time upstairs and only come down for meals and social time.  It allows me a quiet place to work too.  Best of all, we just need a baby gate for the top of the stairs and I won't even have to worry about which rooms in the house will be baby-friendly!  I know the room mates will probably find me quite antisocial, but I'm a very private person and I think I'll prefer it that way.  Besides, they have their anti-social moments too (who doesn't) so I can only imagine they'll understand.

I'm really looking forward to the positive changes that are going on here.  For the first time in a long time, I'm finally feeling like I'm actually home.  That's not to say I couldn't be home with my other room mates or past living situations, but I'm starting to settle into that feeling of sanctuary, of knowing my space is my space and truly enjoying it for what it is.  I have an arrangement that mostly works for the kids, my partner, and I, and that's what truly matters.

I know when things change in life it's hard to actually see it for what it is.  I've learned a lot from the situations I've been in.  I've been reminded again to pick my battles, know when to speak and when it's not important enough.  I've learned to take a good deal of venting both about situations that involved me and ones that haven't.  What I've learned most of all is that no matter where I make my home, unless I actually make it a home for my family, it will never be more than a roof over our heads and someplace to keep us warm.  It's been a very long time since I've actually made a decent home for my family.  It's even harder when living with other people.  I think it's about time we have one again.

So it may be slow going, but we're getting there.  This place is finally turning into a space I want to call home, and I think it's about time.  I need somewhere I can settle in for a while.  I'm really looking forward to the rest of our stay here now.

Baby in a Box = Co-Sleeping Success?

When we started out with the whole co-sleeping thing, it seemed the most natural thing to do.  I co-slept with both of my older children, so why wouldn't I with this new baby?  Of course, not everything goes along so smoothly.  My partner thought the idea of co-sleeping was a little bit weird.  In his experience, babies slept in cribs and that was just the end of it.  He and I had a lot of discussions about this.  I guess I was a little out there for him.

For a variety of reasons, my littlest one ended up spending a lot of time sleeping in his swing.  Some of it was just where he fell asleep and we didn't have the heart to move him.  However, it was really pretty well sealed when we went over to cloth diapers.  We didn't have enough covers to start with, so our little man would play around while in a diaper without a cover.  While this largely wasn't a problem, it kind of was when he went to sleep.  If we weren't waking up to check in on him, the moisture would seep through, and having a towel under him wasn't always enough.  We started having him sleep in the swing a bit more often, just when there was no cover clean, and before we knew it, it was happening all the time.

It's happened once before and happened again the other day that our little boy couldn't sleep in his swing.  He'd gotten a quite explosive diaper and managed to get it everywhere.  The swing's seat needed to be washed, but he was too tired to do more than cry.  We had no choice but to find somewhere else for him to sleep.  We knew putting him on the bed was a bad idea as the room isn't yet baby safe enough for when he wakes up.  Instead, we put a pillow on the bottom of a box (more like one of those Rubbermaid storage boxes) and put him down in that to sleep.

Now, I'm typically against weird things like putting babies in boxes.  If a baby's going to sleep, they should have a real bed, with plenty of room to stretch out to sleep, but having little other option at the time, we went with what we had.  I had to work with what was available, you know?  Thankfully, the little one loved it!  I think he likes sleeping in his box more than he likes sleeping in his swing!  He loves his box so much that when I took him out of it to let him play in the room the other day, he tried to get back in!  Now his box has become his favorite place to play, which is fine with me because I know he's safe in there until my room is finally unpacked, put away, and organized enough to be baby-safe.

Strangely, getting my baby boy to take a nap in a box had another wonderful side-effect.  He's decided he wants to sleep in the bed again at night!  The past two nights (since the day of the box incident) he's fallen asleep with Daddy in the bed, and stays asleep there for most of the night!  I don't know how that worked out, because every other time he hasn't wanted to sleep.  He's wanted to play instead.  Maybe it's because he's learned to sleep laying down again, instead of propped up by the swing.  Maybe it's because taking naps in the box means he doesn't nap as long and is more inspired to get up and play.  Whatever it is, he's decided sleeping in the bed is a good idea again.

As for the box, I don't intend to use it for naps again if we don't have to.  It was wonderful for what it was, while it lasted, but I think he needs more than that now.  His box has been retired as a sleeping space and has now been taken up as a play place, something he seems quite happy with!  He really does love his box!

Who would have guessed that something as simple and silly as putting a baby down for a nap in a box would make such a change in our lives?  Now our little boy is back in our bed and as happy as can be!  Things are just the way we like them.

Updating the Chore List

We're back to Chore Wars!  I've decided we need to do something to get the kids motivated again, the whole household for that matter!  So far I'm the only level 2 in our whole band, but that shouldn't be surprising.  I do the most chores out of my family, so it should be expected.

I'm finding that I really like Chore Wars.  You can assign "adventures" for any household task, even decorating for the holidays if you want.  It may not seem like terribly much of a big thing, but I think it's fun.  It's been great for determining how we're going to sort out allowances when the kids get older.  Better still, my partner and I have a little secret competition going on when we've actually got it running to see who can do more chores!  It's a wonderful way to get the house clean with a little bit of healthy competition.

Today I just updated the chore list.  Given that we're in a situation where more chores can be assigned in common areas, I just dumped a few more on the list.  Having internet at home will help with that one too.  I'll have more ability to actually log in and update everyone!  I'm even getting one of my room mates involved, so we'll see how that goes.  I'm sure she'll be wracking up a lot of points on her room for the next few days!  She's got a lot of organizing and work to get done in there.  I guess that's what happens when more than one person is moving in at a time!

This whole thing has really gotten me inspired.  There's just so much to do, so I might as well get to it, right?  How else am I supposed to get this place in order?  I think a little bit of friendly competition is healthy anyway.  After all, competition with anyone (even yourself) inspires you to do better, right?  Anything that gets my house cleaner and my children to participate!

Looking Back

Have you ever taken the time to look back on your life, just to appreciate the road that brought you to the current point in your life?  I've been doing a lot of that.  Some of it is to prevent making the same mistakes I've made in the past.  Some of it is to truly appreciate the good moments in it all.  Right now it's more in wondering how things could have been different.

For the past year I've really been working on creating a new reality in my life.  In some places that's been harder than others.  I've been trying to do little things to make a difference in the world, but some times it's not so easy.  I've lived in places with no recycling.  I've lived in places where I can't compost or line dry.  Because of this, I've had a lot of challenges when it comes to living in a more sustainable way.

It wasn't until yesterday that I really stopped to think just how off track I've gotten.  I was starting to make progress, one little step at a time.  It may not have been much, but every little bit counts, right?  I'd been making a difference in the world around me.  In some places I've lived, one step was the easiest, so I focused on that.  In other places, it was another step entirely.

Now that I'm starting to find myself on footing that I hope has become stable, I really want to try to bring all of those elements together.  At my last house, sustainability wasn't so easy to focus on, but homeschooling really took off for a while.  In the house before that, homeschooling was a challenge, but we were able to start composting and were finding other ways to be a little more sustainable.  Before that it was all focus on saving electricity in any way possible and conserving water.  I need to start bringing elements of all of those together so that I can move on to a more sustainable, happy home.

I know I can't focus on it all at once.  I need to take little steps at a time.  There's already one easy step with the ease of recycling here.  That's always a bonus.  Homeschooling should be pretty easy to swing back into, as soon as we have a place clear to work on for projects, arts and crafts, and workbooks.  I need to get back into actually knitting, rather than bumming around on the computer and doing other things when I've got a little bit of free time.  I've got plenty of yarn to make socks with, that I intended to make for the whole family, a shawl to make, and some longies for the baby.  I need to get them done so I'm one more step removed from regular consumerism.  Saving electricity is so much easier in a house with such ample natural lighting, and such a beautiful set-up to spend the afternoon sitting outside while the children play in the yard.  I'm trying to limit how many showers I take, and for how long.  More often than not I just need a quick rinse of my body.  Perhaps we can even start composting for a sustainable garden or something of the like.  It shouldn't be too difficult here.

Looking back I feel like I've really let my life get off track.  I keep doing this dance with sustainable living, and have since I was nineteen.  Every time I take a step closer it seems I just want to drift away again.  It's frustrating to look back and see all the lost opportunities in my life.  It's even more frustrating to see all the times I've blamed someone else for making it too challenging for me, instead of embracing the challenge and using that as an opportunity to try harder.

There's a lesson to be learned in all of this.  I can accept all the guidance and helpful suggestions under the sun, but that's not going to give me the answers on what I need to do.  Friends and family can all try to help.  I can receive messages from the divine about what paths are open to me, but in the end, I have to decide what path I'm going to take.  More importantly, when I decide what I want to do, I need to commit to it fully, no matter what the challenges, and start making permanent changes in my life.

Homeschooling Fail

I was supposed to start up with the homeschooling stuff today.  I wanted to go back to forming that solid foundation work for my daughter so that she could move on to more her own level.  I'm not sure if I'm going to go back to a more unschooling approach or if we're going to continue diving in with our make-it-up-as-you-go-along curriculum.  I had planned to figure that out when we got there, but now I'm wondering if we're ever going to get there!

I'll be fair with myself.  It's really not that bad.  We took the week before we moved off of any school work because there were too many distractions.  We took the week after off so we could settle in.  Then, bright and early this morning, I was supposed to dive back in.  We were going to finish the workbooks we had to focus on this week and then move on to more complex stuff.  My daughter has been making so much more progress with this way of working that I'd thought about making it kind of our thing.  Unfortunately, I'm at the point where I just want to scream because I've totally failed.

About 9am I dragged myself out of bed.  The baby's got this stuffy nose problem, so he was up all night with bouts of screaming.  I got very little sleep.  I didn't mean to sleep in, but I woke up to two still sleeping children!  I guess they needed their rest too!  I didn't want to bother them, but they did drag themselves out of bed not long after.  I had been trying to set myself in the mindset to dig out the books and get cracking, but I took one look at the kitchen table and wanted to cry.  There's no way I can start doing school work with the kids if we don't have a surface to work on!  I can't even pull out some crayons and paper to let them draw!  There's barely even enough room for them to have their meals, and we certainly can't sit down at the table as a family.  I just gave up then because I was too tired and cranky to really deal with it.  That was my first fail of the day.  Since then, let me tell you, inspired has not been my name.

Now, on the table, I'm not entirely to blame.  Actually, very little of what's on the table belongs to me.  For that matter, you can blame my room mates, but it's not really their fault either.  Well, I suppose in a way it is.  They've had plenty of opportunity to pack it all up and put it away or get rid of it.  However, they didn't.  More importantly, the people who left it all here abandoned it months ago.  Yes, a part of me does still twitch that the house isn't baby-friendly yet and that there's still stuff that needs to be cleaned up from the house mates before us, but I can deal with that.

However, the real fail is that I said I was going to do these things and I still haven't done it.  Yes, this was supposed to be our first day back into the swing of things, and I need to be forgiving.  We did just move yet again, but I need to get motivated.  I'd been so incredibly focused on getting things done and making progress around the house two homes ago, but now I've kind of dropped the ball.  I need to get back on it again.  I need to keep a focus on getting the house in order because a clean home really is a happy home.

What's most shocking about this (though I suppose it shouldn't be) is how incredibly connected everything is.  I can't homeschool properly because I don't have a clean house.  I had made that connection, but not like this before.  I'd made the connection when I was the slob and the slacker.  Now that it's not my stuff, it kind of gets my hackles up even more.  Someone else is preventing me from raising and educating my children!  More importantly, I'm just sitting here and letting it happen!

Here I was hoping to have a nice, kind of lazy day where I could do some knitting for warm stuff for the oncoming winter.  I'd planned to do some work with the kids, but when exhaustion got in the way, I could accept not doing that.  It just seemed like one excuse after another.  I really just need to get on it.

So now, in order to start off a fresh start at homeschooling in the morning, I've got to assign myself a few tasks.  I'm going back to the clean sink.  I'm going to throw in a load of laundry.  Then I'm going to spend a few minutes attempting to tackle the kitchen table.  Hopefully some progress will be made and tomorrow won't be quite so much of a homeschooling fail day...

Something Smells of Mint...

I remember there was a day, it seems like it wasn't even so long ago, where I couldn't get my kids to play outside.  My daughter would always tell me how boring it was.  There were no toys.  There were no other kids in the yard.  There was just nothing to do.  My older son, of course, didn't want to go out either because his sister wasn't there.  If we could make it to a playground, we were golden.  Things would be fine and it would be plenty of fun in the fresh air and sunshine.  Otherwise, the yard was boring and full of nothing interesting.

Things have changed as of late.  The kids always want to be outside.  They don't need toys or anything else.  They turn little seeds of grass into flowers.  They pretend sticks are swords.  They go on grand adventures.  It seems like all is right with the world again.  Kids are outside, playing and using their imaginations.  They've got some vivid ones these days.

I'm not quite sure when it happened, but suddenly things changed.  The boring outdoors that could only be improved by toys, chalk, or some other diversion is now the best thing in the world.  It's the only place the kids ever want to be.  I'm certainly not complaining.  It's good for them.  Outside in the fresh air and sunshine is where kids need to be!  It's good for them, and ensures they'll sleep well at night!

Today was just one of those days.  We were all sitting outside on the patio when my partner said, "Something smells of mint..."

We all looked around the yard for what it might be when one of my room mates says, "The kids are playing in the wintergreen."

Sure enough, the kids were playing in the wintergreen.  Now they smell fresh and clean.  They've been out in the sun.  They've been using it as a forest for their grand adventures.  Life is exactly as it should be.

I Think I'd Like to Go for a Walk...

This morning inspiration (or more accurately, total exhaustion) struck.  I wanted to stop by the gas station for an energy drink, because I really needed something to wake me up.  I don't know what was with me.  Between weird dreams and everything else, I was just out of it and could not wake up!  I'm not much of one for coffee, so an energy drink would be the perfect solution.

In my brilliance, I decided it was a beautiful morning and the gas station wasn't far, so I would just walk!  Why waste the gas?  I've been working on this whole sustainable and healthy living kick, so it only made sense.  In some way or another it might even make up for my bad little indulgence of drinking an energy drink in the first place.  We've had a lot of fresh air and sunshine since we've moved in here, which is great, but a little bit of exercise could never hurt.  It's good for you and tends to improve your mood, right?

When I kicked off with my walk I was all cheer.  It was just cool enough that I wanted a little something, you know?  Some people would probably find it warm enough without more than a sleeveless top, but I'm always cold, so a light jacket, not even buttoned or zipped was perfect.  The sun was shining, but not so bright as to blind me.  It was perfect walking weather.

It was about two blocks away when I realized my insanity over the whole thing.  Walking is so slow!  I could have been there and back in less than the time it would take me to walk one way.  Think of everything I could do with the extra time I would save!  Wouldn't that alone be worth the cost of taking the car?

As soon as these thoughts entered my mind, I wanted to smack them out of my head.  What was I thinking?  Was this really me?  I couldn't believe the thoughts that were passing in my own mind!  I used to love the time to simply walk, by myself or with others.  It was a chance to enjoy the fresh air, the beautiful weather, and to clear my head from everything that had been gunking it up and making me sluggish.  It was exactly what I needed.  I really miss those days back home in Boston where I could walk for hours, not caring about the destination, simply to walk.  It was freeing.  My mind seemed to flow more freely and I was able to open myself up to my own needs, as well as the world around me.  It was it's own kind of magic.

Texas has really made an impact on my life, and today made that obvious.  Patterns and habits I used to follow and enjoy have kind of fallen away.  I've lost my ability to just do for the sake of doing.  Simply going out has become an ordeal and a production because it means loading everyone in the car and unloading them when we get there, only to repeat it all when we're on our way back.  A chance to run out real quick without the kids is a blessing because the car really does slow us down when there's car seats to fasten and everything else.  It would be so much easier if all I had to do was round up socks and shoes and get out the door.  We could walk where we were going, walk back, and not have all that fussiness with the car in the middle to slow us down.  Better still, my kids would get exercise, which is good for them, and would be plenty exhausted by nap time or bed time that they would actually sleep.  I miss those days!

So today I've realized just how much I enjoy, and have missed, the simple act of going for a walk.  Maybe this is something I'm going to have to get in the habit of doing more often.  If nothing else, it will be good for me, mind, body, and soul.

Getting Easier, but not Quite Easy

We're finally moved in.  We're starting to get everything settled.  We're not exactly unpacked yet, but we're working on it, painfully slowly.  These things always take time.  A lot of our stuff wasn't properly unpacked and organized at our last house for a variety of reasons, so it's been interesting trying to sort through and manage it all now.  It's about time we got to it.

It actually feels good to settle in to a place again and know we'll be staying here for a while at least.  It's nice to have a chance to sort through our belongings and get everything set in order.  Hey, maybe we'll even manage to downsize some of it!  It will feel good to think out some more of what we don't need and aren't really ever going to use.  Yes, in part it will mean less to lug for our next eventual move, but in a way, it's also a huge relief.  I really just don't need all this stuff cluttering up my life.

Things aren't back to smooth sailing entirely, but I'm feeling like I'm not having so much of a challenge getting my feet back on the ground this time.  Maybe it's because I've moved so many times already, but I'm kind of feeling I'm more comfortable just settling into the beginnings of my own routine.

There are some things that are going to be a challenge for a while longer.  The house isn't exactly safe for the baby to just get out and crawl around.  Our homeschooling schedule hasn't exactly kicked back in.  The kids are fighting more than ever, but this seems normal for changes in their lives.  I guess I shouldn't be surprised.  It's a big change to have to move again.

Most of all, I'm finding that I need to put more emphasis on taking care of myself, and I'm okay with that.  My diet has always been horrible when under stress.  I tend to wake up in the morning, toss on whatever clothes are nearby, even if they don't match or look horrible on me.  (I swear, I used to be a constant candidate for that show "What Not To Wear" on TLC!)  I never really cared about my hair unless I was at a dance show.  I'm not saying I'm going full blown beautiful with all kinds of matching accessories, the perfect jewelry and shoes, and full done hair and make-up.  I just throw on something that sort of matches, deal with my hair in a quick and easy way, even if that means tossing on a beret to hide it so I don't have to deal with it.  It means I need to work a little harder at my day, but it's that whole thing about when you look good (or at least decent), you feel good.  When you feel good, you're in a better position to face the world.

I'm not saying this move has suddenly given me a deeper capacity to care about myself or anything like that, but I'm starting to get back into my old routines, the routines that kept me going through a deployed husband, the routines that kept me going through the more chaotic periods of my life.  When I fall into habits that I know are good for me, I start to notice a total change in the way I view the world and the way I approach my life.  It's good for me.

While there's still a lot of work to do, and a lot of settling in, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  There's still a lot of stress.  There's still a lot going on.  Life isn't perfect, but at least this is one of the first steps towards something better.  I know I've said that before and it's come back to bite me in the end, but this situation is very different, and because of that, I'm much more confident in things working out for the best.  No, it's never going to be easy, but it's definitely easier than it was.

Overwhelmed

You ever hit that point where you feel like getting one more piece of bad news will just break you?  That's kind of where I'm at right now.  It seems like all of this stuff keeps coming down on us at once and there's just not enough to balance it out.  The whole world seems to be in rough shape.  Most of the people I care about are having hard times.  It's just not a good time for anyone.

Thankfully, when I'm feeling this lost and overwhelmed, good things can happen and it makes the whole world seem brighter.  It can even just be little things.  Isn't it always the little things that matter?  My partner getting his paycheck was one of those little things.  It didn't make our financial situation worlds better, but it's still nice to have the income in hand, even if we have to turn around and spend it on bills and other needs.  My aunt sent us a lovely package for Halloween.  We all loved it.  She's such a talented woman when it comes to the crochet goods she makes and sends for our family.  I can't wait to see what she comes up with next!  It's little things like that which make the whole world seem more survivable.

Today I'm kind of thankful for those little things.  It seems the bad news just doesn't stop coming, but I can hope that somewhere in all of this, those little sparks of light will make everything so much better.

Trying to Land on my Feet

It's always interesting to live with someone else, especially when it comes to moving in.  When you're the one moving in, there's all these routines, house rules, and stuff that you've got to learn to work with.  In some cases, it's really easy.  In others, not so much.  In some cases, it's downright frustrating.

I will admit that over the past year I've had plenty of opportunity to take a look at the space around me and learn about each of the people I've lived with.  I've gotten a chance to figure out what works for my family and what doesn't.  It's always easier to see the trends you don't like than the things you want to adopt in your own life.

Honestly, I think it's going to be interesting to see where this particular living situation brings me.  As with every situation, I'm sure there will be some good and some bad.  There's going to be some things we'll all need to learn to work around.

For the time being, I've got to focus on the short run.  I've got to focus on these things one step at a time.  I'm trying to figure out how to find my sense of comfort in this new living situation.  It's going to be an adjustment all over again.  In a way, I look forward to it.  In a way, I'm dreading it.  I just hope that we can settle in quickly and so we can start figuring what challenges we're going to have and how to deal with them.

Looking forward to Settling in

This move is kind of stressful.  Then again, what move isn't.  It seems like just the idea of moving is putting strain on my friendships, my ability to homeschool, and everything else.  Finances are going to be tricky this month.  I'm ready to have this whole thing solidly over.

I'm not sure how long this move will last.  It could be a short time, or it could be quite a while.  This is the way things work whenever you live with another person.  Either it works out, or it doesn't.  If they don't (and there's a small part of me that really hopes they don't), we're looking forward to being out on our own again.  We're looking forward to living without room mates, just our family and no one else.  Our messes will be our messes again, and then there's no question as to whose fault anything is.  We know it's ours, at least one of us.  It's all a part of the family unit.

Still, as much as living with other people is stressful, I think it's been a good experience for us.  It not only solidifies the idea that we really do want to be out on our own, but it's given me insight as to how other people do things.  Living with other people and in this last case, another family, I've been given a pretty good view on how other people live their lives and make things work.  I've taken some cues of things I need to change for the better.  I've found some things I hope to shoot myself if I ever catch myself doing.  All in all, it's taught me a good deal about myself, about other people, and about life.

In this case, I'm just looking forward to settling in.  I'm looking forward to having a place I can call home and knowing that it won't be dropping out from under me in the next few weeks.  I'm looking forward to stability.  I want to have my feet on the ground again without another move hanging over us, at least not until we're ready for it to happen.  It will give me a chance to be me again.

Once this move is over we'll be able to settle back into routine.  We can work on homeschooling on schedule.  I can plan events again because I won't need to worry about moving.  I can actually use the internet whenever I want or need.  I can take more time with my family.  As a side benefit, moving to where I will be, I'm going to have a huge advantage of being closer to a lot of what's going on in the world around me.  I won't be so isolated.  I'm really looking forward to it, and I can't wait for all of this to be over.

Too Much to Do, not Enough Time

It seems like I'm running in every direction at once right now.  I can access the internet so rarely that I've got a million things to do when I finally can log on.  Once or twice a week means it takes HOURS for me to do everything I need to get done in one day.  Generally I type up a few blogs ahead of time in between getting work done to give myself a break.  Let me tell you, I need it!

Today I think I deserve a whole bunch of credit!  I downloaded a program to edit documents since Word decided to die on me.  I hate the program, but I wanted to be sure it would work before I left.  The last thing I needed was to delay the divorce even more.  I dealt out my problems with my auto insurance company.  I still need to go get my driving record to mail that in because there's an incident I wasn't in at all.  I've still got to get everything straightened out with our problems with the baby's social security card.  There's so much work to do right now and there's no way I could get all the information I needed in one day unless I spent my whole day here.  With the problems everything was giving me, I pretty much have!

I hate it when it comes down to things like this.  I feel like I get nothing accomplished.  Given so much of my work and so much of what I need to do in my life has to do with the internet, I can't live without having the internet more regularly.  Cutting it back to twice a week means dedicating whole days to work, something I didn't have to do when I had regular access.  It's really cutting into my whole life.  Then there's everything else falling on my head.

In truth, it just seems like my life is about motion right now.  I just can't stop for five minutes.  Every time I think I can stop long enough to breathe, I have to get moving again.  It's so much more than "hitting the ground running", it's more like being a nomad, can't stay in one place too long.  I don't know if I'll ever get used to this, but I really hope that everything starts to change.  I miss the calmer, lazier days.  I miss being able to relax, take a deep breath, and enjoy my time with my family.  I wonder when I'll get those days back again.

Little Bits of Good

When life has got you down (which it often does) it's time to look at what little pieces of good there is in the world around me.  I've got a lot to be thankful for, and a lot to be grateful for.  I've got three beautiful children.  I have the freedom to homeschool.  My aunt is a wonderful resource for homeschooling too, and is a wonderful connection whenever I need a sounding board (even though I know I haven't appreciated her enough in the past!)  I've got good friends too!  It seems like there's so much positive in my life.

Just this past weekend I got a huge example of that.  For those of you who know me, I'm not just your earthy-crunchy mama.  I'm also a bellydancer.  I was at a show this weekend where I felt truly welcomed and accepted.  I received so many compliments for being inspirational.  While that wasn't entirely my goal, to inspire others, I'm glad I was able to.  All I wanted to do was enjoy my dance!  It's one more moment when I realize just how much I've got going for me in my life!

I know at times it's hard to appreciate what I really have.  It's so easy to get frustrated when you turn around to a sink full of dirty dishes, the children's room being messy, or yet another dose of bad news.  It seems like nothing has been going my way these days.  Still, underneath it all there are all these little veins of gold.  There's happiness, sunshine, and good vibes.  I just need to learn to look a little deeper.

While I know all of these details aren't important to anyone but myself, I think it's about time everyone look a little deeper and find their own little bits of good.  Many of my friends are going through hard times right now.  Financial problems seem to be abundant.  There's all kinds of drama, stress, and everything else.  The world seems full of nothing but bad news.  In these dark times, we need to learn to turn towards the little things for our spark of joy.

Even in the Great Depression, there was joy.  There was love.  Families found a way to make it work no matter how dark things got.  Perhaps there's a lesson to be learned from them.  Perhaps instead of looking forward, this is just another case where we need to look back.

For me, I'm returning to my family.  I'm starting to take more value in the little things with them.  It's time to become more focused on those little moments.  It's time to focus on the things that bring me true joy.  Isn't it about time everyone else started to do the same?

Silo Christmas Tree Farm and Pumpkin Patch

Yesterday was our field trip with the local homeschoolers.  We went to Silo Christmas Tree farm and pumpkin patch, a 100 year old farm.  It was educational, fun, and a little bit long for the little ones.  That's definitely a trip I'd suggest for older kids.  Younger ones have a much shorter attention span.

Just on personal choice, I love this farm.  They've reused everything they've removed from the old farm when renovating and reused it.  Many old pieces of the house, the fences, and everything else can be found all around the farm.  They collect rain water to water their vegetable garden.  They compost, and take in Christmas trees for recycling into compost as well.  They even compost their coffee grinds!  Many of their annual flowers drop seeds and reseed themselves.  They don't chemical means of bug control.  Butterflies and moths were everywhere.  There was even a humming bird that zipped in to take a quick snack off a sage bush before flying off.  Their organic and sustainable approach to the world around them is inspirational.  They even line dry their clothing, when possible!





They grow so much more than Christmas Trees and pumpkins there.  They have a small garden in the back of their house where they grow corn, asparagus, potatoes, strawberries, red and green lettuce, radishes, and so much more.  It may not be enough to sell and sustain the farm, but it's yet another example of living sustainably for one's own family.  They had more varieties of pumpkins than I'd ever heard of as well, and two kinds of Christmas trees, Afghanistan Pine and some kind of Cyprus that's completely scentless and doesn't inflame an allergy to Christmas trees.  There was a walk through the woods where the kids learned about juniper trees, cedar, and Texas black persimmon.  There was an example shown of poison ivy and poison sumac, so kids would know what to look for.  We walked across a deer highway, which wouldn't look like much if you didn't know it was supposed to be.  Then, when approaching a patch of prickly pear cactus, we learned about what those cactus are good for.  Apparently when cooked over a fire they taste just like potato chips, only better!

The buildings on the land were gorgeous.  The farm house, painted a bright and cheery yellow with a metallic looking roof didn't look like all that much, but it had it's own simplistic beauty, complete with the classic porch swing.  Out in front of the house was a flower garden with plenty of plants to attract humming birds and butterflies.  I think the owner would have been happy to describe a few of the features of the garden and leave it like that, but my partner asked her what kinds of plants she had in the garden.  She went over a few of the names, but then when she realized that everyone was starting to take interest, she almost lit up as she started explaining what each of them were.  I was fascinated!  I just wish I could remember more of them!  That trip was more educational for the adults than I thought it would be!  My oldest son wanted to go in the house so badly.  He thought it was a pretty house.  As it turns out, they have tours every spring when they do their Easter Egg hunt!  They hide all the eggs in the Christmas trees too!  We may have to head out for that!  I think my son would love it!  I think they all would enjoy a trip like that!

The silo was huge.  I'll admit, I've never actually seen a real silo before.  I'd known they were to hold grain, but I never really understood why.  I always thought there must be some door or something at the bottom, but there isn't.  Apparently silos are for making silage, a very hearty food for dairy cattle.  They would blow up the grain to the top of the silo to drop it in.  Then they would let the grain sit and compact over time until it had turned into silage.  Unfortunately, I don't remember quite as much about that portion of the trip as I'd like.  I think one of these days I'm going to have to do some more research on silos and what they actually do.  It was actually cute, one of the owners asked the kids what they thought a silo was used for.  One of the kids said, "A house for REALLY BIG SPIDERS!"  Everyone laughed because there were some massive spider webs in there!  In the end, there were a lot of facts about that one, not-so-little silo.  I almost wish I'd had the opportunity to go on a trip like that when I was younger.  As I'm sure you can tell by the photo, that silo is anything but small!  My older sons and I were trying to catch up to the nature walk which went into the woods behind the silo, and my partner stopped us for a photo op.  To give you a good example, my older son could stand in one of those little windows and he would probably just be rubbing the top of his head on that beam!

Another topic at the farm was it's original use.  It wasn't always a Christmas Tree farm and pumpkin patch.  Once upon a time it was a dairy farm.  It was chosen for it's location, being exactly four miles from the three major towns in the area, Killeen (now known for Fort Hood), Temple, and Belton.  The farm provided milk for all of those cities, which were just towns at the time.  The family would get up at 4am every morning to milk the cows.  The milk wagon would haul the milk out to it's destination, which was a four hour trip.  Two hours would be spent delivering the milk, then the trip would return for another four hours.  By the time they got home they had just enough time to eat and milk the cows again before going to be to start it all over again.  Of course, back in those days all kids were homeschooled and the whole family worked the farm together, so it wasn't anything like dairy farms today.  Great sums of ice were transported down from the north to put in ice chests and ice boxes, but there was no way those could be used for the milk, so the milk was loaded up in the truck and insulated with hay to help keep it from spoiling.  In the winter, temperatures greatly aided this, but summers must have been rough.  Our hay ride in the back of the milk wagon gave us a pretty good idea of what it must have been like for that long haul.  Back then it would have been pulled by horses, not a tractor, but on unpaved roads and for such a long trip, I can't imagine it would have been any more gentle!

After all the educational talks were done, the games were brought out before lunch.  There was a competition to dress the farmer.  There was a duck race where the children actually had to pump water to send their duck down the shoot.  It was wonderful for the kids to learn how to use the pumps!  They got to play a beanbag toss game and Texas Washers, both games being harder than even I expected!  Even the adults had a hard time with them!  There was even a maze made up of old palates.  While the older kids had an easy time making their way through, it was perfect for the younger kids.  They were able to see over the tops of the palates to easily see where to go next.  All of the kids had a blast, and that maze seemed to be a favorite for all of them.  A bunch of them kept going back through!

After everyone was tired and all wound down from the games, it was time for lunch.  A bunch of the group headed home after the games were done, but a number of families stayed through to eat their lunch over by the pumpkins.  The kids all seemed alive with chatter about everything that had been done.  The parents seemed to be focused on their expectations, where they were met and where they weren't.  I think the parents were overall a little disappointed, but the kids definitely didn't seem it in the least!  It seemed like quite a successful trip!  There were tons of questions asked as each of the kids ate their lunches.  It seems like a few friendships were made too, at least for my own children.  They've never much been involved in a homeschooling group or organization, so we had no idea what to expect.  Overall, I think they were quite pleased with the way everything turned out.  It was a good day for all of us and we had a lot of fun.  Sitting over lunch, I had a great opportunity to see that.  It was wonderful to have the kids so involved with other kids their own age!

After lunch the families slowly started to disperse.  The children each got to pick a mini-pumpkin.  A bunch of them were over playing tether ball while waiting for the other kids to finish, something I hadn't seen since I was a kid!  They looked at all the pumpkins and asked about a million more questions.  A bunch of them went off to play on a giant stack of hay, which seemed to be the biggest hit of the day.  Isn't it amazing where kids can find fun if you just let them go?  It was wonderful to see them all playing outside in the fresh air, really enjoying being outside with no serious need for anything but the world around them and imagination.  It was really refreshing after having so many experiences with kids who don't seem to know what to do if there aren't toys, televisions, or video games within easy access.  I love getting to watch kids being the way I remember kids being when I was younger!  This was a wonderful experience and I really hope to be able to do it again in the future.  I really love this homeschool group.  The kids are all wonderful.  My family had a great time.  I think this will be a step in the right direction for us.  I just hope that as our lives carry us forward, we can continue to get involved with wonderful homeschooling events such as this one!  This definitely made my our day!

A Little Something about the Weather

Isn't it so cliche to talk about the weather?  Isn't that the kind of small talk people engage in when they don't know what else to talk about.  It's a topic that's really taken for granted.  Talk about the weather seems to be glazed over and largely ignored.  It's considered nothing more than small talk.

One thing people seem to forget is that the weather can be such a deep topic.  It's a topic that can be filled with such emotion and passion.  It's so much more than, "Looks like it's pretty nice out."  The weather effects so much of our lives, yet it's so passed over unless it's a "miserable" day.

Today is a beautiful day.  It's sunny.  It's warm, but not hot.  There's a gentle breeze, still warm.  It doesn't have any of the beauty of a New England fall, but it has it's own beauty.  The world feels alive.  There's an obvious change coming.  You can feel it each night as the temperature drops.  You can feel it as the brutal heat of summer gives way to a pleasant warmth.  It's making it's way to a Texas winter.

While I'm not a fan of this Texas weather and Texas seasons, I'm coming to make peace with the place I live.  I do still wish every day that I could go home, but I have so much to be thankful for here.  The weather is beautiful.  We've got the perfect weather for our fall field trips coming up.  The kids can get out and play, enjoying the fresh air.  After the summer, these temperatures are a breath of fresh air.  I can finally kick back and relax into fall, into the beginning of the school year.

The weather is an inspiration today.  It's a moment to observe a little bit of peace.  It's a moment to relax into something greater than myself.  My eyes are open today.  There is magic in the air.  Isn't the fall simply wonderful?

Socialization, the Outlook is Getting Better

One of the biggest things I hear about homeschooling is the lack of socialization.  I've noticed that myself.  It's hard to get together with other homeschooling families when you don't have access to a car during the day.  It's not easy when you're too busy to make the events.  For the longest time we had the problem where homeschooling events were simply out of the question.  There was just no way we could fit them in.  My kids did seem to suffer for it.  They didn't have a lot of friends, which didn't effect my older son very much.  He's still a bit young to care.  However, my daughter did seem to suffer.  All she wanted was to have a good set of friends.  It seemed she suffocated what few she found, so things got challenging.  I was beginning to wonder if school would be best for her, just so she could make some more friends.

Not that long ago I started to look up the local homeschooling group.  Last I had checked in with them, all the events took place too far for me to really get to.  It would be about a 45 minute trip each way, which is a long way to go with a baby and a toddler in the car.  It's also a lot of gas, given the current economy.  I had pretty much given up on them for a while, hoping I could hook up with some closer parents, though I'd never had much luck.

With our most recent move, I figured I was set!  We were living ten minutes away from where the homeschooling group always met!  One of the places they met was within walking distance!  This was a perfect arrangement, as it would mean my children could be out and social all the time.  I decided to look up the local homeschooling group again and make contact.

Doesn't it always figure that when you think you've figured it out, everything changes?  We found out we would be moving again just as I started to try and find the info for the local homeschooling yahoo group.  I was all upset because we'd be moving away from all the gatherings again.  We wouldn't be as far as they were before, but walking distance would be out of the question, and my trips would be limited by the distance.  It wasn't going to be as easy as I wanted.

Well, as luck would have it, this move will be a good thing!  Many of the gatherings are actually closer to where I will be moving!  I guess the dynamic of the group has changed and I'll be more likely to get involved.  They meet for regular kickball days, and have enough kids for an older kids group and a younger kids group, so both my older son and my daughter can be involved!  The field trips are much more local to the area I'll be moving to.  We're really excited about this whole thing!  It looks like it's turning out favorable after all.

Here I was, worrying about my children and socialization when I didn't need to be worried at all!  I suppose everything does work out in the end.  I now have plenty of opportunities for my kids to get out and get to know other homeschoolers of a variety of ages.  They're going to have plenty of chances to make friends!  As soon as I was starting to get concerned, the answer seemed to fall right in my lap again.  Things may just be looking up after all!

So on the socialization forecast, things are getting better!  My kids just might be able to find some peace with their homeschooling at the end of all of this.  I won't feel so guilty because of my kids' lack of friends.  Better still, their friends won't be restricted to an age group, like they would be in school.  There's less of a need for competition.  There's less of a need for peer pressure.  I'm really getting excited about this!  On top of it all, my kids aren't the only ones who will be getting more socialization out of all of this.  I'll get a chance to get to know other homeschooling parents, pick up some new tips and tricks, and maybe make some new friends in the whole deal!  I'm really looking forward to getting involved with the local homeschoolers!

Field Trips!

It wasn't long ago that I was told homeschooling wasn't as good as sending your kids to regular schools.  I was given a whole list of reasons, most of them easy to dispute.  However, the one that made me want to laugh the most was "kids in school get to go on field trips".  Does that mean homeschool kids don't go on field trips?  So, they do nothing but work from home all day and never see the outside world?  I know it may seem that way with the way things have been in my family over the past few months, but that's really not the case.

Kids in school go on field trips, what?  Once or twice a year?  Maybe not even that much?  How educational are these trips anyways?  What do they see?  I can tell you this much, I don't even remember most of the field trips I went to in school.  Only a few of them were memorable.  One was a trip to the East Cambridge Court House, which was incredible.  There was also a trip to Old Sturbridge Village.  That was 8th grade.  Another was the forensic lab in 11th grade.  There was the aquarium trip in 10th grade where my boyfriend was found kissing his ex-girlfriend and my best friend, which was memorable for all the wrong reasons.  I don't even remember the educational value of that trip.  For the most part, the rest of them are all a wash, or I think they were school, but in truth, they were with Girl Scouts.

Thinking about my plans for the fall alone, I'm thinking my kids have far more opportunities for field trips.  There's a trip to Silo Farm, which is a Christmas tree farm.  There's something about the Waco Mammoth.  There's another field trip to the zoo.  This is all happening between now and November.  Do I have to go to all of them?  No, but the opportunities are there.  These are opportunities for my kids to learn and socialize with other kids.  That combined with other events with the local homeschoolers and I'm thinking that this may just be a better opportunity for my kids to learn than simply sticking to the books and school.  I mean, honestly, what school gets to go on three field trips in the fall alone?

That being said, I can go on so many more "field trips" that are just my family.  We can go down to the Inner Space Caverns, a short drive from here, and call that a "field trip" because it's educational.  We can make an educational trip out of going to the "bat bridge" in Austin.  There are countless things we can do that will easily qualify as "field trips" because they're educational opportunities that take place outside our usual homeschooling environment.

Honestly, I don't get it.  I don't see how sending your kids to school provides for so many more field trip opportunities.  I don't see how I'm doing such a disservice to my kids because they get to go experience more things and learn in a face-to-face, hands-on way so much more often.  It's not all about books and facts.  It's about getting there and learning that history, science, math, art, and all the rest can be so much fun!

A Moment that Made Me Smile

Shopping for Halloween is fun, even if you don't buy anything.  My kids run around saying they want to be everything under the sun.  My daughter wants to be a pink bunny.  My older son wants to be a fireman.  We think the baby has to be a cow, just because we call him our little pig, and he always wants "the cow" (a little joke we have about how I'm not important to the daddy's boy, I'm just the cow)!  Halloween always used to be on of our favorite holidays.

Well, last year was difficult.  Without dragging out the negativity of it all, Halloween was almost ruined last year.  My partner wasn't there.  I was sick.  The kids almost missed trick-or-treating.  It just wasn't our year!  This year I promised it would be better.

Already the track of life is taking a different path.  We all went shopping for some Halloween goodies for my swap partner.  It's a seasonal swap, so Halloween was in order.  My daughter promised she would help me pick out some fun stuff so the package wouldn't be to "boring and grown up", so we all went off to Target and Walmart to check out what they had to offer.  The whole experience turned into a whole big ordeal.

My poor older son is terrified of Halloween.  He's always been an easy one to scare, so it's not surprising.  Last year was pretty tragic for him, so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised.  We're going to have a hard time getting him to go to any of the scary houses this year.  He just runs away the opposite direction saying "I want to go that way!"  Even the monster toy demo he saw at the store and thought was cool suddenly isn't.  He's got to avoid anything that might be scary in the least tiny bit.  It's funny, but at the same time, I feel bad for him.  He'll learn to be brave some day.

Then there was all of the fun and games.  The kids and my partner tried on all the glasses in the Halloween section.  My partner and I had a gun fight in the aisle with two white Tommy guns that made noise when you pull the trigger.  The kids made jokes about all the costumes being so incredibly funny or silly.  Then we went through talking about what everyone could be for Halloween.  My daughter, of course, had to make up a story for everything.

It's been a long time since we've been able to go out and be silly like that.  Usually we're so incredibly serious and to the point of getting things done.  There's no time to kick back and have fun with it.  It's all a matter of sticking to the list and all the required things we need to do.  Fun just takes too long!

These days fun has been getting more and more common.  We're starting to look forward to just getting out, even if we don't do much at all.  We're starting to feel more like a family again, and not just a collection of people who live together.  I love my kids.  I love my partner.  Most of all, I love that we're starting to find these moments to make me smile happening more and more.

This is the season to be thankful.  This is the season of love and family.  As the winter comes on and the cold and miserable weather, there's nothing more wonderful than knowing you'll have family there to keep you smiling when things get dark.  So this was about Halloween.  Next time it will be something else.  I just can't wait to see what the moments keep bringing!

The Simple Things in Life

So...sitting here in Starbucks has been a bit of a wake-up call.  I'll be honest, I write up some of my posts in bulk, so they're often done in big batches on the same day and scheduled in advance.  I've had a bit of time between sitting here and doing all the things I've done to get a feel for my surroundings.  It's shown me just how beautiful life is, and I've missed that.

Yes, this is Starbucks, so you've got cafe noises.  You've got the calm, mellow music that they always play.  Very few patrons stay for long, but many of them are greeted with joyful expressions.  There are several that I've heard their usual spat out by the store worker and there's just a beautiful familiarity between them.  It's so much different than the rest of Texas.

Outside there's a family of three, a mom, dad, and little boy who can't be more than two or three.  He's making emphatic gestures (as most children his age do) and his parents are laughing.  I remember those days with my daughter.  Generally it wasn't her father that was laughing with me, but a friend.  I remember sitting down at some cafe while sipping tea or hot chocolate, listening to her funny conversation that only half made sense.  I can't hear any of it, but it rings a smile to my face just seeing them!  They all look so happy!

Sometimes I think I need to kick back and view life like this.  I need to be an observer, not directly in the middle of it all.  I need to be able to enjoy the music and atmosphere while being one of the anonymous millions that just so happens to be there for it.  I need to be able to hear the joy and friendship of others.  I need to see the smiles on another family's face.  I need to relax and take it all in.

I think when I get home I'll have a far better appreciation for my own family.  After all, I'll have a chance to see how we must look like to outsiders.  Yes, more often than not we've been the couple with the unruly kids that's constantly yelling and snapping.  Stress does that to you, as does only really getting out when the kids are tired and cranky.  However, it's becoming more common that things are turning more "normal".  We're getting a chance to enjoy our family time.  We're finding reasons to laugh.  Everyone's indulging in a healthy amount of silliness.  It's wonderful.  I'm reminded of how people must see me when I greet a good friend, or how an outsider would see how welcomed I am when I walk into the yarn store to knit with friends.

Having a moment to sit and think about it, life is good.  I hope I can always have moments like these to wake me up to how good it really is.  I hope I can always go home to my loving family and know exactly how lucky I am to have such beautiful kids, a wonderful partner, and fabulous friends!

Sharing My Love of History

The other day my room mate's daughter came to tell me all about this thing she'd learned in school.  "Did you know that America was once a part of England?!?"  She was so excited to tell me this new fact she'd heard.  It was like it was completely astonishing.  Didn't America always exist?  I know she didn't really believe that, but she was surprised that it was ever a British colony.  (Originally she called it "Britland" which was the cutest thing!)  Isn't it wonderful to see the excitement on a child's face when they've got some new fact or information to share?  It's like they've just learned the most important thing in the world!

This, of course, started off a whole conversation.  I love history, so it shouldn't be surprising that I'd want to share that knowledge with another.  We talked about how, if we were still a British colony, we might have tea time every day instead of lunch.  We talked about what "school" would be for a girl her age in colonial times.  We talked about the Native American tribes and the bartering they did instead of spending money.  We talked about the shot heard around the world, Lexington and Concord, and the Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.  I even told her how I learned to spin for the first time at the House of Seven Gables in Salem, MA.  I've forgotten since, but I did learn way back.

When a child is interested, it's amazing where the conversation can go.  We talked about writers.  She loves poetry, so poets were one of the topics.  She told me all her favorite poems.  I told her all of mine.  We talked for what seemed like no time at all, but it was closer to two or three hours!

I can't tell you what a joy it was to share all that information, and to share it with a child that isn't even my own is even more amazing!  I loved being able to talk about history with someone who wanted to know.  It's not often I have a chance to talk history anymore.  It seems no one is interested, but children are always interested in something.

I have to admit, there were a few times I feared that she was bored.  I know I can tend to be long-winded.  I know I can talk endlessly about subjects my audience may not even care about.  I was just going on and on endlessly, seeming to dribble forth all this knowledge.  I was really afraid I'd bored her.  Then she said "I feel like you're my teacher right now."  She said it was a good thing, but I gave her  the chance to run off and play if she'd like.  What did she do?  She started asking me even more questions!  The curiosity of children never stops amazing me!

I guess it's true!  A child put in an environment where knowledge is readily available in an interesting way, they will learn!  I'm just glad that for this one girl, I was that inspiration to learn.  I hope she walked away with even more of an interest in history.  I hope she continues to learn about all the topics we covered, from colonial America to the Freedom Trail to poetry and literature!  She's an absolutely brilliant girl, and as long as she never loses that spark and that drive to keep learning, she's going places in this world!