Dietary Changes for 2011

Okay, I'll admit it, I haven't been that great at taking care of my own health.  I've been saying I'm going to change my diet for quite some time.  Some of it's stuck, but some of it really hasn't.  However, I notice a complete change in myself when I start keeping to the rules I set for myself, so I think I really need to start working on changing my diet for the new year so I can live as a happier, healthier me!

Here are the biggest problems I need to address in my diet:

1. I have a dairy allergy and I need to pay attention to that.  I have less headaches and irritability and more energy when I avoid dairy.  It can also make me very nauseous depending on what variety of dairy I eat.  This seems only to extend to cow's milk products, eggs, and honey.  Feta cheese seems to be okay.
2. I have a tomato allergy.  Eating tomatoes makes my stomach upset (along the lines of nausea, not heartburn) and also makes me more irritable.  I also find avoiding tomatoes does seem to have an impact on my energy levels as well.
3. I have an allergy to MSG.  This allergy also presents itself with irritability, migraines, stomach upset, and low energy.  In addition, MSG also seems to be directly related with having a lack of appetite.
4. I have an intolerance to processed sugars.  Eating processed sugars upsets my stomach and results in low energy.
5. I have a caffeine intolerance.  Drinking caffeine tends to give me the shakes, makes my heart race, and if I have enough of it can make me really anxious, which can lead to jumpiness and irritability.
6. In my observances of my own diet, I notice that gluten seems to be a point I need to address.  I can't say for sure if I have a full blown gluten allergy (though I do show symptoms, I'm not about to label myself without more information), I think it's worth cutting gluten out of my diet on a temporary basis to see if it helps.

So, that's the list of things I really need to address.  My partner likes to joke that I'm allergic to everything with that list alone, never mind the animal allergies (I'm allergic to cats), household allergies (like dust, bleach, many scented soaps and laundry detergents), environmental allergies (like ragweed), textile allergies (notably wool), and metal allergies (I can't wear anything in my piercings but surgical grade and can't wear most regular metals against my skin).  I have to admit, I am kind of inclined to agree with that joking statement!  I am allergic to a good deal!  However, some of those allergies are very easy to control and will make our lives run that much more smoothly.

Here's some of the plans I have for 2011 to address these problems and see if we can minimize or eliminate their effect on my life:

• Stop eating out, or at least do it with as little frequency as possible.  Eating out generally means consuming MSG and dairy.  I also tend to choose sugary and caffeinated sodas.  There's also a lot of wheat in foods you eat out, especially fast foods!
• Attempt to stop "just this once" excuses for things I shouldn't have.  Instead I'll attempt to experiment with new treats and "sweets" so I can still indulge, but it won't come at the cost of activating my allergies.  Besides, home made cookies are far better than store bought candy!  I can still make hot chocolate and such with soy or rice milk.  I treated myself to some Silk Nog this holiday season and I think I like it better than the real stuff!  Anything with honey can be changed out for agave, which seems to taste very much the same.  It's a good excuse to try new stuff!
• Start cooking from scratch more frequently.  By cooking from scratch I can substitute soy, rice, or coconut milk for cow's milk as needed.  Egg and cheese substitutes are also possible.  These options aren't frequently available in boxed foods and frozen foods.  Also, many prepared foods or partially prepared foods at the grocery store contain MSG.  Even some of the quick and easy ingredients contain MSG as a preservative.  By making it myself, I can avoid possibly all MSG!
• Avoid temptation for things I can't have.  This may make for tricky grocery store trips, so planning ahead to make as few trips and as little time spent there as possible will be ideal and necessary.  When possible, I'll either bring my partner with me to shop (even with the kids) so he can help keep me on track, or I can send him with a list, especially when it's just a quick trip to pick up a few needed items.
• I will research gluten-free recipes, gluten substitutes, and other aspects of a gluten-free diet.  After I accumulate enough knowledge and supplies for a week of gluten-free cooking, I'm going to attempt to go gluten-free for one full week.  Depending on the results of the experiment, we'll decide whether we give it another week to continue the experiment, give it up all together, or go over entirely to a gluten free diet.  This isn't just for me.  If I don't benefit from it, but someone else in the family obviously does, then perhaps gluten-free is the way to go for our family.  I expect this process to happen several months after eliminating the other allergens from my diet so I can most accurately assess the effect of gluten for my personal health and well being.
• Start a journal for my new diet.  Each day I will record the approximate time I wake up, what I eat for each meal or snack and at what time, how my energy levels are and how I'm feeling at three points in the day (probably at meal times), what fluids I take in, and how much and what kind of exercise I do, and approximately when I go to bed.  This will help me keep on track, monitor when I slip up on my diet, and hopefully mark some positive changes on my energy levels and overall well-being in the process.  It should also be a good motivational tool!

In the end, I'm expecting to see a rise in energy levels and an overall happier and healthier me.  I'm expecting to be less irritable, which will probably help me to better manage other aspects of my life.  I expect to start sleeping better, as much as it may seem unrelated, because I'll be feeling better and staying more active during the day, which generally leads to resting better at night.   I expect that eliminating gluten will have a positive effect on my own health and well-being, as well as for my older son, but I will give it a fair and unbiased assessment.  I also expect that I'm going to have my partner thinking I'm pretty crazy in all of this!

All in all, I need to do this for my own health and happiness.  It's time to stop making excuses and start making changes in my life.  Once 2011 is over, I give myself until everything is moved into our new home.  I'm allowing myself a little bit of leniency to get everything moved since that needs to be our number one focus, but once it's all in the house, I know it will take time to settle in.  If I give myself until everything is unpacked, somehow I'll always leave some stuff to be packed and sorted out first, so I'll always have that excuse.  Nope, not going to happen!  I'm going to be motivated on this!  My health and happiness is at stake!

Sustainability Tip: Thermal Curtains

As we were moving some stuff to our new house last night, I made note of something my downstairs neighbors have done that just got under my skin.  They have foil up over the windows of one of their rooms downstairs.  Now, I have to admit, after living in this military town I see foil over the windows and think one thing, drug houses.  It's a common trait around here, but I didn't think our neighbors were that sort of people.  As it turns out, they're not, thankfully!  They're just using it as a quick-fix way to keep the sun from over-heating their game room.  This came with the additional warning that those front rooms get hot during the summer.

I started thinking about this whole thing.  It's winter, so I'm not too worried about keeping our house cool.  Yes, during the day Texas homes tend to get warm regardless of the time of year, though there are plenty of cool, rainy days too.  When I was in our apartment, though it was cool outside, it wasn't terribly cool inside even without heat, but it definitely wasn't a comfortable temperature for taking off coats and settling in.  We're definitely going to need heat in the winter, and air conditioning in the summer is a must all across Texas.  Of course, heating in winter and cooling in summer can get quite expensive and I don't know how well these homes are insulated.  We've already been informed that the boys room will likely have a tendency to get quite hot in the summer, so this is something I need to think about.  How can I afford to keep my family comfortable without spending a fortune on our electricity bill.

About a year ago I found the perfect solution.  There are some thermally insulated curtains for sale at most places you can buy household goods.  They do come with the down side of not allowing light through, but for napping children, or rooms you're not in at the time, these are perfect.  Yes, they won't help too much when you have them drawn away to let light in, but again, you can retain all the benefits of heating or cooling at night instead of dealing with drafty windows.

This is more than a benefit to creating comfort for our climate controlled lives.  This is also a huge thing for sustainability!  The less you have to make use of your heater or AC, the less electricity your house is consuming.  If you're running off strictly solar or wind energy, this may not be that big of a deal for anything but your wallet, but if you're running off of standard energy sources, you're doing your small part to benefit the environment and the world around you.

However, on the side of the wallet, these curtains are expensive, running a minimum of $60 per set for your average drape curtains.  I've been able to find a tie-up shade variety for $40, but that's still expensive for most families budgets.  I do have to say, there is a huge advantage to the tie-up kind, aside from the reduced cost.  Tie-up shades can still cover half the window even when they're opened   While they may not be trapping the heat or cool air so much at that rate, they are still performing the function of reducing the light that enters the room turning the space into a virtual oven in the summer.  The early darkness in the winter allows for much earlier use of the curtains during the day to trap in the heat, especially if you're in a further northern area that gets more cold than we do here in Texas.

Another advantage to these curtains is that, aside from the thermal insulation part, there are many varieties and colors available on the market.  While they may be pricey, they can match the decor of almost any room, so if having a home that's aesthetically pleasing is important to you, this is also a great benefit!  You can pick a style that really works for your home!

For those of you, like me, who would love to do this for their family, but simply don't have the money to spend on expensive curtains, you can always make the investment a room at a time.  Start with the rooms that need the benefit of these insulated curtains the most.  In my case it would be the boys' room, but there was one place I lived where the first choice would likely be the front entry way and living room.  This will give you the biggest benefit on controlling the climate in your house early on.  I would also avoid the area the thermostat is located until last as that will effect how regularly your heat or air conditioning comes on, which is a benefit, but could leave you with hot or cold spaces in your home.  Of course, in the winter that may be ideal if you prefer to sleep in a cool room, or if you spend very little time in the rooms you're not taking the time to insulate first.

While this investment may sound like a lot of money, in the long run it will definitely help save on your heating and air conditioning bill, and as a result, save on the resources that provide those services.  If you own your own home, this also comes with the benefit of only having to be done once, unless you decide to redecorate and the curtains no longer match to your liking.  For those of us who are in apartment spaces it can be a lot more tricky, especially as the number of windows you have in each room may change if you decide to move.

However, if you're so inclined and know how to sew, insulated curtains can be made just as easily as anything else!  Simply purchase some insulating material (often found in the home and garden section from what I've heard, but you may need to ask) and sew it on the inside of the curtains you already have!  You can also make your own curtains complete with insulating material.  This may be more cost effective for your family and allows for greater variety in color, texture, and shape.  Just avoid sheer drapes as they would show the insulating material below.  If you really want sheer drapes, you can always put insulated drapes over the sheer ones and simply pull them back when not in use.  Of course, I have no idea how well these would work for blocking out the heat as this would also require blocking out the light, but in colder climates this could be a good fix for the crafty people out there.

When trying to keep out cold and reduce drafts, here's a couple more things to think about.  Any place the air can seep through, there's a good chance it will.  A good way to minimize drafts is to attach the curtain to the wall on either side of the window.  Tacking the curtain down with tacks or nails just looks tacky and could damage the curtains, but there are alternatives, especially if you're in your own home and don't need to worry about removing things from the walls.  The first and least expensive is Velcro.  You can purchase Velcro strips at just about any craft store.  Even if you choose to sew them into the curtains, you'll want the ones with the sticky back to attach to the wall.  Another alternative, which may be more expensive would be the use of magnets.  Pretty much anything that will hold the curtain as closely to the wall as possible is needed.  This will minimize the draft allowed through when the drapes are in use.  Another thought is the length of the curtains.  A short curtain may look nicer with your decor and window size, but floor length drapes will minimize drafts at the bottom of the window as well.  Any draft that seeps through will then have to travel down the length of the drape to the floor.  As it's warm air that rises, not cool, there's little need to worry about the draft escaping through the top of the curtain.

Something as simple as insulated curtains may not make a huge difference for your energy bill, so it may or may not be a choice that you'll quickly reap the benefits of.  In some cases, insulated curtains really can start making a big difference right away!  It all depends on your home and your circumstances.  However, every little bit helps when combating the use of fossil fuels and reducing energy consumption.  Over time, this choice will also make enough of an impact to pay for itself, and even save you money in the long run.  Obviously, better insulated homes (like those that already have insulated windows) won't see as much of a benefit here.  Very poorly insulated homes may not see a massive change either, especially as the drafts are entering from more than just the windows.  It never hurts to truly assess your home to see what other changes may need to be made in order to best conserve energy in your home, but every little bit counts for something!

Moving is Right Around the Corner

With moving coming upon us so quickly, I have to say, I'm really excited.  Yes, there are some things I'm dreading about moving again.  It's always kind of stressful, isn't it?  Watching all of your life disappear into boxes only to be opened and put away in somewhere that doesn't feel at all like home.  It's not something that inspires a warm and fuzzy feeling.

I have to admit, I've been pretty optimistic about moving since I've started writing this blog.  In some cases I haven't always felt so optimistic.  In this case, I've got to admit that I'm really kind of done with moving.  With each move we've sworn it would be our last move for a long time, and each time something has happened to change that promise to ourselves.  It's been pretty frustrating.

This time I have to admit that I really am feeling more optimistic about it.  Yes, there are going to be some challenges with this move.  We're going to have to settle in to a whole new place with not nearly enough stuff.  I'm going to have to find a way to decorate to my satisfaction, which will be pretty hard with not enough furniture or things to decorate with.  However, we're going to make the best of it.  It's going to be our own home and we'll have at least a year before we have to worry about moving again!

As much as I've been a bit skeptical about moving in the past, I really am feeling pretty good about this one.  We're going to have our own home again, and I can really step up to be mistress of the house.  I know for many that doesn't seem like something I'd really want.  I'm too much of the kind of person to sit back and watch life drift by merrily.  However, I've come to realize that I need to have power in my own domain.  I need to be able to take charge and deal with something when there's a problem.  After all, if I'm the one with the problem, I'm the one that needs to do something about it.  That's not something that can be done when you share a house with room mates, especially when you feel you aren't all equals in the house.  It was made very clear shortly after we moved in that one person's say was very much ranked higher than everyone else.  However, instead of stepping up and taking action herself when something bothered her, she just let it get to her.  I'm not criticizing her.  It's not my place to do so.  However, that made things challenging.  I didn't feel like I had the right to step up and deal with things I felt needed to be handled because on several occasions, doing so meant stepping on toes.  As much as not doing so caused upset on her part, it was far easier to tolerate her upsets than constantly having to live under her specific rule set.  I'll be honest, I've felt that way with many of the people I've lived with unless everyone moved in at the same time with agreements on how everything would be handled.

I'm looking forward to having my own kitchen again, where I can set everything up the way I like it.  This is a big thing for me since I've always been the one to do the most cooking in every room mate situation we've had, yet I haven't been able to arrange the kitchen in a way that works for me in any of them.  I'm going to have my own private bathroom again, well, my partner and I will.  This may not seem like a big deal, but it's nice to be able to take a shower without having to clear tub toys out of the way first or having children banging down my door because someone has to use the bathroom right that very second and cannot wait!  I'll be able to set up homeschooling supplies without having to worry about any of it being in the way for room mates, or trying to find somewhere to put it all in a home that's already so well established.  I can have the heat and air conditioner set at a temperature I'm comfortable with, and not have to worry about being too cold all the time or unbearably hot.  In truth, I'm just looking forward to living the way I want to live without a whole bunch of rules being imposed upon me.  It's too much the idea of living with my parents, yet I'm a parent myself.  It's a good reminder of why I never could live with my parents again.

I'm honestly just looking forward to getting back to normal again, or as normal as our family ever has.  I just want a chance to be myself without having to be suffocated by oppression, whether these friends believed or intended to be oppressive or not.  In the case of the last person I lived with, I know she and her family had no intentions of ever being the oppressive sort.  It was more that the situation and my lifestyle and habits didn't mesh in the least.  Something had to change, and it did.  I think she and I can be better friends when all is said and done.  In all honesty, I don't know that it's worked out so well for all of the people I've left behind.

Most importantly, I'm finally gaining my sense of stability back again.  I chose to give up that stability last April for some very overpowering reasons.  I was honestly left with little choice.  While that's not something I want to put much emphasis on right now, I'm happy to finally be getting that sense of stability back again!

Looking Forward to a New Year

2011 is almost upon us, right around the corner.  I've got a lot of changes I want to make in the coming year, and some of them are going to come with the challenges of moving and settling in to a new home.  Thankfully, we'll be staying in that home for long enough to make some good progress towards goals in my own life!

This year I've got a whole bunch of goals centered around hearth and home!  I've come to realize this year that the heart of a family isn't the place they live or what they do in that space, but the family itself!  Without that strong bond of family, things just fall apart.  This year is going to be dedicated to making that bond as strong as we can, and putting ourselves on some pretty stable ground in the process!

The first thing I need to do in this coming year is get organized!  We're already making progress towards that with this move!  Instead of our last chaotic moves where we've kind of shoved everything in boxes and forgot about it at the new place, we're actually going through boxes that never got unpacked, sorting out the kids' toys and books, digging through clothing to remove anything that's outgrown, too badly damaged to be worth keeping, or simply won't suit the season.  As much as we've had some incredibly warm days, it's definitely not worth leaving the shorts in the drawers!  Organization is key to having a tidy home, and avoiding a lot of frustration from not knowing where anything is!

This new push towards organization matches fairly seamlessly with another goal of mine, finally managing our budget!  I've written up a tentative budget for moving and everything, but it looks like our financial plan will have to be adapted.  We're actually going to be paying a decent amount less in rent every month than we had planned, which means we're going to have to re-work the budget.  Thankfully, in this case it's going to be a huge relief!  We can funnel more into building an emergency savings, purchasing needed items to set up our home and for homeschooling activities, and when all is said and done, we might just plan a trip up North for Christmas.  If we start our savings early and plan in advance, it should all be completely possible!  We might even be able to start chipping away at our debt faster than we had originally thought!

I've decided that, given we're spending at least a year in this new place, we really need to spend some time, energy, and money into getting ourselves set up properly in a well-furnished house.  That means putting bookshelves in the kids' rooms.  We're probably going to look into storage shelves for the kids to organize their toys and the like.  Again, this is more about organization than appearances.  The kids have a lot of stuff, and our current rubbermaid tub version of toy boxes is just getting too chaotic and cluttered.  I would also like to put together an arts and crafts center for the kids as it would tie in so well with homeschooling.  I'm looking forward to the idea of putting up curtains for once, and possibly some posters or pictures on the walls!  I was thinking with our focus on history, it might be nice to put up some related posters and things.

On the direction of homeschooling, I think our goal will be to go more towards unschooling again.  I've always liked the concept and I've always wanted to incorporate it.  I'm sure it means doing a whole bunch of research and having all sorts of fun things I can do with the kids in mind.  Running my own business may cut into my ability to do that, but I think we'll manage.  I've been thinking about getting a book on rainy day activities to do with the kids, since we're going to be back to being in an apartment.  While I don't want the kids to spend all day cooped up inside, it would be nice to have some fun activities to do without having to leave the house while the baby naps.  If nothing else, there should be plenty to do in the kitchen!

That brings me to another change.  2011 is going to be my year of being domestic in so many ways!  I'm actually going to try and start cooking again.  My goal is to have every meal be home made in some capacity by the end of the year.  Of course, we'll splurge and eat out on nights I have shows and things.  However, my hope is that we can stop buying pre-boxed meals, freezer meals, and other quick and easy fixes.  We may still pick up things like the roast kits they sell with the other roasts at the super market.  They're good quality meats and a fairly affordable way to do a roast.  It's still something where you have to do all the cooking and the work yourself.  It's a far cry from something where you pull the tray out of the box and stick it in the microwave.  That may mean learning some quick-make recipes for days we just don't have the time, or taking a suggestion a friend of mine made on a cooking day, perhaps a Sunday, where all the dinners for the week are made up and put in the freezer, just needing to be cooked or reheated.  It may take us all year and we might only make it happen for a month, or a few short weeks, but anything would be a step in the right direction at this point, and will seriously help out on our finances.  Home cooking is generally so much less expensive and better for you than anything you can buy in a box!

We're going to put a focus on spending more time together as a family, since it makes us all so much happier in the end.  We're going to be picking one night every week for a family game night, whether it's playing the Wii as a family or sitting down for a good old fashioned board game.  I think the plan is to have a movie night with the whole family and possibly some friends once every month.  I'm also thinking we may take one day on the weekends and use that for an outdoor adventure day to go hiking, swimming, or whatever else we decide to do when the weather's nice.  Perhaps we might throw a couple camping weekends into the mix!  That's one of the biggest things I've noticed is getting in the way of society today, a lack of focus on family.  One night each week might not be much, but it's certainly a start towards having a happier, closer family!

If we can make it happen, we're going to try and have a date night once a month too.  I know most specialists claim that weekly date nights are the way to go, but let's be honest here, without funds for a sitter, and not really knowing a sitter that would be available weekly, that's a little challenging.  Maybe some day we'll be able to do weekly date nights again, but for now, I think trying to manage one night every month will be a challenge enough!

This year is going to be a good year for us, I just know it.  We're really going to start feeling like a family again, not just a bunch of people who share the same house and are constantly stepping on each other's toes or getting under each other's skin.  We're going to start spending quality time together.  We're going to focus on living in a healthier way for our whole family.  It's going to take some time to figure out exactly what that will mean for us, but I think it's going to be a hugely positive experience!

Baking with Kids

I was thinking about the whole idea of baking cookies today.  Tonight was the first time I've ever actually baked cookies with my kids.  I mean, I've baked cookies for them before with my daughter sitting over me, asking what she could do, but losing interest when it came to something she was actually able to do herself, but I've never actually done it with my kids!  It's actually shocking that this huge part of my own childhood has somehow been forgotten!

Tonight we were doing something special.  We were making cookies for Santa (and yes, I'm writing this on Christmas Eve to post later!) and I promised we would do it as a family.  I did all the measuring and egg cracking, but we all had to take part somehow.  My daughter mixed one batch of cookie dough all by herself after I showed her the way I found that worked best.  It was kind of cute to watch her sitting there and doing it exactly as I told her, words and all ("stir, 2, 3, 4, scoop, 2, 3, 4").  Then with the batch of ginger snaps we all took part in it to mix it together.  I had to help my older son because the dough was just too hard for him to stir.  Even my partner took a turn at mixing it!  We sat around the counter and I handed out cookie dough and everyone rolled a few cookies up to put on the sheet.  All together we pressed them flat.  The only one that wasn't involved was the baby.  I was tempted to help him mix it like I had with his brother, but my partner pointed out that he'd just try to eat it, and we agreed that would be nothing but messy!  I thought the same about using his hand to press a cookie flat, but had visions of him grabbing it off the cookie sheet and eating it!  We thought better of it and he just got one when it was finished.

I think that's the first family activity we've done in a while!  My older son decided rather than rolling the dough, he'd just eat it, which made us all laugh.  We all shared soda for once, even though I really don't like drinking Coke, but it was a special occasion.  Normally we plan ahead and get sparkling cider or grape juice for the occasion, but we didn't plan ahead this year.  We had a little toast to Christmas and all in all it was a pretty good time, something we definitely have to do more often.

This year I cheated.  One day I'll have a recipe book with cookies in it, but for the time being, we're using those box mixes.  It's not the greatest of ways to do it, and I know I could always look up a recipe online, but it was an impulse buy at the store.  I hadn't decided we were making our own cookies until I was at the store thinking about my daughter's sadness at not getting any of the brownies my room mate's friend made while she was visiting.  I felt really bad about it, so I was going to get brownie mix, but the cookies seemed like so much of a better choice.

When I was a kid we made cookies quite a bit.  It seemed like making cookies was part of every holiday season, be it Halloween, Easter, or Christmas.  I think I even remember making them for valentine's one year.  We made everything from sugar cookies to Toll House to ginger bread men.  We had cookie cutters for every occasion you could think of, and probably a few you haven't!  It was a huge part of my childhood, something I really wish I'd carried on with my own kids before now.

Of course, I know why I've got this inclination to have my kids sit by while I'm doing all the work.  That's pretty much how I remember it being when I was a kid.  My mom would mix the dough and roll it out.  All we got to do was cut out the cookies and decorate them.  I don't even remember getting to help with putting regular cookies out on the cookie sheet.  As a result, I think I've got this thought in my mind of doing all the work myself because I know I'll do it right and the kids, well, not so much.

However, I do want them to learn how to do it, and with good reason.  I think about my older two's father's story of making Toll House cookies when he was a kid.  He didn't realize that you had to mix the ingredients a certain way, so he just threw it all together and mixed it up.  The cookies were horrible, almost inedible!  I don't want my kids to go through a situation like that.  It must have been so disheartening for him, even though it was a learning experience, I'm sure!  I just want their learning experiences to be more positive than that.

Again, thinking back to my childhood, I remember reading the Pee Wee Scouts books when I was little.  There was one of them, I think it was Cookies and Crutches, that they decided they were going to make cookies, but it all went wrong.  They didn't have any baking soda, so they decided to use regular soda instead.  Their soda of choice was root beer.  The cookies turned out to be a disaster, but it's one more thing to add to my list of cookies and kids!  Maybe I'll pick up that book for my daughter.  I think she'd like it.

While baking may not be a necessary life skill, cooking kind of is unless you plan on eating nothing but box dinners for the rest of your life.  It's a skill I never learned when I was younger, so I struggle with it now.  Baking and cooking are two very different arts, but I do feel that you can learn some of the fundamentals of cooking just as well from baking.  There's the same basic concepts of measuring and blending.  For me, it's almost like a less advanced version of cooking.  Better yet, it's easier for kids because it doesn't mean standing over a hot oven.  With help from the parents, the tray goes in.  With help from the parents it comes back out.  Everything else can be done perfectly well by a kid all by themselves.  Perhaps we'll graduate to cooking after we've gotten a little more baking time in, at least for my daughter.  She's seven and old enough that she can pretty well make her way around a kitchen.  She may be too young for any serious cooking, but she can at least learn to do some basic stuff.  I think she'd enjoy it too!  She's been asking to help me out in the kitchen for as long as I can remember!

I think I've found one more thing to add to my list of things I need to do in the new year.  I need to spend more time baking with my kids.  Maybe it won't just be cooking.  Maybe we can pick up a book with some fantastic desserts or breads.  There's even the possibility of graduating to a colonial cookbook.  Wouldn't that be an excellent way to bring homeschooling into the kitchen?  I'm really starting to look forward to sharing more of my cooking time in the kitchen with my kids!

And the Present of the Year Award Goes To...

Each year there are always a great mix of presents, from those that wow you to those that simply don't impress.  As much as I feel competition to be the best gift giver is completely overrated, we play this game for a different reason.  We've learned a lot by the "present of the year" game I played with the kids.

I started this whole thing two or three years ago with my daughter, just because I was curious which toys were a total success, and which ones weren't so well planned.  I figured this would give me some good resources on what to think about for her birthday presents, and it would help me figure out her interests and tastes so I'd be able to advise everyone next year.  I mean, I know what my kids like, but sometimes it's nice to get a little bit of variety in.  As much as my daughter swears all she cares about are Littlest Pet Shop toys and my older son wants nothing but Transformers, nothing is better than to surprise them with something they didn't expect and totally loved!

At first I felt a little guilty.  What about the givers of all the other gifts?  Well, in truth, it's better to know if a gift was absolutely hated so the giver knows what to avoid next year.  Still, I've often found that when it comes to things that don't seem to thrill early on ("I got...more books...?") end up being a lot more thrilling on a deeper look ("Wow!  The girl in this book dresses like Sarah on Liberty Kids!  I bet this book is for doing more homeschool like that!  I like reading the Liberty Kids book together!  I think that was a great idea!") or turn out to be a lot more favorable down the line when the thrill of all the new stuff finally wears off.  I can't count the times I've seen my daughter toss something aside because it was out-shined by something else only to find that a couple weeks later it's become her favorite present.  Thus far we haven't had to worry what we'll do with a gift that's absolutely hated because we haven't come across one yet!

So, without further ado, on to this year's winners!

My daughter felt pretty spoiled this year.  She at first she was unsure on what she would pick as her favorite present of the year.  It wasn't until we'd finally opened the presents from Santa that she had her mind made up.  There wasn't a doubt.  She knew exactly which present got first place this year!

The present of the year award in the category of my daughter goes to...

My aunt for sending the Barbie Preschool Teacher set.  Not only did she send the doll, but she sent some hand-crocheted clothing for both the dolls in the set!  My grandmother also helped make that the best gift of the year by including some clothing for the adult doll as well.  This isn't the first fashion doll my daughter has gotten, nor the only hand-made clothes she's received, but they never fail to be a hit.

This year has two runner's up.  Second place is Santa, with the kitchen set bought for all of the kids.  Third place is also Santa with Mousetrap, a game we've already taken out and played.  I have a feeling the list of favorites for the year will grow as we start reading the books together, play the game from her dad, and so much more.

The present of the year award in the category of my older son goes to...

Daddy with the tub of gears!  That's kept my son's attention for a good long while, something he's played with today again as well.  He almost likes it better when other people build with the gears for him.  He just likes to crank them and watch them go.

This year it was a close call.  He got some really incredibly great gifts, and he almost couldn't decide which one his favorite was.  The gears only one by a nose, so to speak.  Closely behind was the crochet food an cooking stuff sent by his aunt.  He especially likes the bowl of food, the frying pan, and the spatula.  The cups are up there in the favorites as well.  The play kitchen was the perfect accent because he can now have somewhere to keep his kitchen stuff, and something to cook on.  Third was again, Santa, with Hi-Ho-Cherry-O.  We played that game as well, and my son won!  He was so happy!  He was also so excited to show off that he can count to five with no problems, and can count to ten with only the occasional mix up along the way.

And the present of the year award in the category of the baby?

Well, that one is hard to tell.  The poor little guy got so overwhelmed by everything that he didn't know what to do.  At first he was thinking it would be fun to unwrap the presents, but then he got tired and needed to take a nap.  He woke up for round two of the present opening with Santa, but he wasn't so much into opening the presents.  There were too many other interesting things scattered all over the floor.

However, the present of the year was definitely the little crocheted people made by my aunt!  Those were such a hit.  He's decided they're babies.  He's started calling them both "Bebebe", which we've come to realize is his way of saying baby.  At first he was all upset because Daddy took the half chewed up package from him and started to open it.  Then he saw what was in side and smiled.  He kept laughing.  He said "Bebebe" and Daddy said, "Yeah, it's a baby, just like you."  He laughed some more and continued to call it a baby.  He patted it on the head a couple times, and then decided it was the only toy that mattered.  The little dark haired one that came later was also a quick favorite, though it was quickly tasted.  I guess he had to make sure it was genuine baby toy!

I'm not sure if I could name just two runner's up, or put them in places.  He loved pretty much everything he got, from the cars to the rubber duckies to the books.  The only one that wasn't a fantastic success was the hat, but that's because he's not such a fan of wearing hats.  While he may not have been thrilled about that one, I certainly was!  He may not like wearing hats, but when we have a cold day, I'm sure he'll appreciate it!  He always does!

For present of the year in the category of my partner there wasn't much competition.  The choices were Santa or me.  It was a close call, but I think I took the cake with that one, between the candle, the sausage (which he started in on the same day!) and the Magic cards.  Of course, the kids decided he needed to have Magic cards, so I'm glad that was his favorite of the year.  That was partly from the kids, so I'm glad they got the joy of knowing something they helped pick turned out to be the present of the year.  Of course, he says that the sausage was definitely present of the year!

What was my present of the year?

I've gotten a lot of jokes in the past about my life being like Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass.  The running joke has always been that I was Alice, and the only people who ever stay in my life long term were "the Wonderland Crew".  Even people who have never met me before have said, "Your name was Alice, right?" even though Alice is not my legal name and I don't introduce myself as such.  I've had ten people in the past three months mistakenly call me Alice, not just once, but repeatedly!  Over the past year that makes something around forty people who have called me Alice by mistake, both those who know me well and those who barely do.

Going along with the running joke, and the fact that it's my favorite childhood stories, my daughter and my partner decided to get me Alice.  Even my daughter said that they had to get it because I am Alice in Wonderland.  We watched the movie that night.  I have to admit, I was a bit skeptical at first.  There have been so many bad versions of Alice in Wonderland out there, the latest one that hasn't impressed me being Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland.  Most of them indiscriminately blend characters from one story to the other, as though the original aspects of the book were meaningless.  I guess I'm a bit of a purist when it comes to my classic literature!  After having read The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, I feel that the classic movie, The Wizard of Oz, doesn't do the story justice.  However, much like my feelings for Tin Man, this version of Alice (made by the same production crew apparently) has many of the aspects of the story with a refreshing and original twist.  It's darker, and a look at Alice's life, all grown up, but apparently not ever having been in Wonderland as a child.  They bring in many aspects of the book that I absolutely love, and when they've blended or modified characters, it's been very tastefully done.  I have to admit, I was inclined to believe one of my other gifts was the present of the year, even though both my partner and my daughter were the most excited about this one.  It wasn't until I watched it that it suddenly became present of the year!

All in all, the family had a great Christmas!  We all had so much fun.  I also think we're definitely done on presents for a little while!  The kids definitely got their present fix in!

The Tradition that Is Christmas Eve

My friend, TheArtsyEclectic over at Otherwise Quite Good has inspired me to write yet again!  She recently wrote about her cracked Christmases of the past.  I can't help but look back and see how incredibly different our childhood holidays were.  Yes, my holidays were filled with their own interesting times, but I do think they were quite normal in many ways.

As much as I love my dad, and I really do, I've come to notice holidays in my house revolved around my mom.  I know that's mostly because my mom was the one home with us all the time.  She was the one who picked us up from school.  She was the one who was with us all summer long and every school vacation.  She took us to our riding lessons and to summer camp.  As a result, it's probably not surprising that she would be the one our happy holiday experiences would be with.

My mom did all the Christmas shopping.  If ever there was a Santa to be had in my family, it was my mother.  I swear, she always knew exactly what we wanted, and a few things we weren't even sure existed, but were loved sometimes most of all.  She managed to do all of this without my sister and I knowing.  I didn't even know where her hiding spots were.  She was good, and my sister and I never saw it coming!  It was especially shocking for the massive quantity of stuff we got!  I don't think I remember a Christmas that didn't feel like I got a thousand presents under the tree.  I can't imagine where she must have hidden it all for us, never mind how she managed to wrap it all without us so much as knowing it.  That was definitely more than a one night job!

One of my most fond memories with my mom was baking cookies.  I have to admit, my memories of my childhood largely consist with a handful of things when it comes to my mom.  There was time at the stable.  Then there's the image of my mom working on a cross-stitch dragon picture or a stocking while sitting under a tree at the reservoir where we used to swim.  I remember my mom sitting up late at the sewing machine making teddy bears or Halloween costumes for my sister and I.  However, the most prominent memory I have of my mom was baking cookies.  Sometimes I think back and it's almost like she was always making cookies when we were little, from scratch every time.  It wasn't just the classic Toll House cookies.  I remember making and decorating ginger bread men most of all.  There's nothing like decorating ginger bread men at Christmas.  My mom would supply us with everything to decorate them, and as kids always do, we would load them up to an insane degree.  My dad would always sneak in and steal one of the imperial hearts or red hots, whatever you want to call them.  Those always made the best buttons.  I vaguely remember making stocking cookies at my grandparents' house one year on Christmas eve too.

Every year we would go over to my grandparents' house with a big tray of another sweet that my mom was famed for making, her chocolate fudge.  My mom has since passed down the recipe to my sister and I.  I've come up with a half-dozen different variants to this recipe so we can have a wider variety of flavors.  You can ask most of my family, I've gotten pretty creative.  Unfortunately, the biggest ingredient I need to order from out of state, which puts a damper on that whole family tradition.  My mom's fudge recipe just isn't the same without Marshmallow Fluff.  Yes, I know Jet Puffed makes a Marshmallow Creme, but it's just not the same.  The whole family would want some.  I remember looking over the table at the fudge, debating just how much of it I could eat without getting sick.  It wasn't nearly as good when it was done as it was when my mom would let us sample some fresh from the pan, still warm and melted.  It was a part of our holiday tradition that I hope to get back, even if it means ordering the real Fluff!

No, things weren't perfect.  Generally there was always some family fight on Christmas Eve, though I never really noticed it until I was older.  My sister and I never wanted to go home because it was so much fun to be with the whole family, and we thought we got away with a lot more at family events, even though I'm almost positive that wasn't actually true.  We would open all our presents from the relatives that night and then drop to bed.  My sister was always much too tired and would be asleep almost instantly.  I would typically be awake for hours, pretending to sleep when my mom came and checked on me.  I was too excited to actually sleep.  Unfortunately, it meant hearing my parents bickering about Christmas presents and Santa Clause.  I guess that's one way to ruin it for a kid.  Even so, there are some incredibly fond memories of Christmas Eve, like falling asleep hearing Silent Night sung by some random carolers, or the stories my mom would tell about going caroling and singing a rousing version of Deck the Halls at their neighbor's house, the Halls.

Overall, I think I was a pretty lucky child to have wonderful Christmases filled with joy and magic for the holiday.  I hope that I can give that same gift to my kids, though, this year I think we're not going to be so lucky.  My kids are going to have an incredibly rough Christmas this year.  We've already moved the first things over to our new place.  Their toys were one of the first things to go.  Of course, they're going to be getting new gifts for Christmas, so it's not like they're going to be left with no toys at all.  They can hack it for a couple of days.  We're going to do a couple gifts for Christmas Eve so they have something, but I'm not too worried about it.  Christmas morning won't be long.

Unfortunately, right now Christmas is filled with frustration, aggravation, and fighting, much like the ones of my childhood were.  Thankfully, it's not my partner and I fighting.  It's my daughter and older son who can't seem to stop driving each other crazy.  My daughter has threats of "when I have my own room you're never allowed to come in it!"  My son, of course, screams at her because she's being mean.  My head is pounding more and more with each day that goes by.  It's been so tempting to just bring back all their presents and not give them a Christmas this year.  The money could go towards getting the electricity and water turned on at our new place, or towards moving costs.  However, I can't do that to my kids.  They drive me nuts, but I know they don't mean it.  Between Christmas and moving, they're just going through a lot, and are probably as stressed out as the adults in the house are!  I swear, starting next Christmas, we're going to be building family traditions that are memorable.  I want my kids to have the same kind of joyous experience I had as a kid, cookie baking, fudge making, and all!

We Have a New Home!

We've signed the lease!  We have the key!  Now all we need to do is move in!  It's so exciting about finally making this step in our lives, a step back to some sense of normal life.  I really can't wait!  Now if only we had the money to get the electricity and water turned on today!  Oh well, things will happen when they happen, and the first isn't so incredibly far away.

Actually, it's funny how it happened.  We were looking to have a place and move on the first or shortly after.  We didn't truly want to move before Christmas.  We weren't looking for somewhere that would be available now.  As much as we were ready to move and wanted to move, our finances just weren't lined up to allow us to move as soon as we wanted to.  We were going to have to do this the smart way, which meant doing it on the first instead of right this minute.  We had figured exactly how much time it was going to take us to move everything and what kind of time line we were working on.

Last night we went to see the apartment.  It's not in a great section of town, but it's not a bad section of town either.  Even though it was dinner time when we arrived, there were kids out and playing.  The street seems quiet enough.  Actually, the whole neighborhood doesn't seem that busy!  There are a good deal of families.  It doesn't look like it will be that much different than when we were living on post, aside from living upstairs in an apartment instead of a duplex.  We even go to meet our downstairs neighbors, who are pretty nice people.  They've got two beautiful dogs too.  They were honest about the neighborhood.  They hate it.  However, they said that the landlord has always been good to them and they've got to be honest, they've never exactly tried to get to know any of the neighbors, so they don't really know much about what the neighborhood is like.  They just know that outside on a Friday or Saturday you can hear the noise from the string of clubs two blocks away.

The apartment is much smaller than I've gotten used to.  I have to admit, I've been spoiled between living on post and my friend's homes.  I'm used to having more space than I could possibly need.  Looking at this apartment my first thought was, "Where are we going to put everything?"  Then I remembered that after all of our downsizing, we really don't have all that much stuff anymore!  We'll have no problems fitting it all in to our new place!  I'm actually starting to think of the smaller space in a very positive light.  I'm getting excited about having a place that's perfectly sized for our family!

As you enter in there's a small living room.  I'm honestly not sure what we're going to do with the space.  We don't have a couch and even if we did, the area is kind of small.  I'm not quite sure how we'd set it up in a way that would allow us to use the couch and have a television set up.  Of course, that's something we can figure out in the future.  Just beyond the living room is the kitchen.  On the left there are two bedrooms and the bathroom.  One of the bedrooms has an absolutely massive closet!  I think that's going to be the boys room, mostly because it's more practical.  We can fit two beds in there and put the dressers and toy boxes in the closet.  I was actually joking about putting one of the boys in the closet so he can use it as his bedroom!  That's how big the closet is!  My daughter doesn't exactly have a small closet either!  It should be big enough for everything she'll need to fit.  The main bathroom is decently large with plenty of room for teeth brushing and everything else.  We even have a linen closet conveniently close to the bathroom!  The kitchen is surprisingly big for a place that has a kitchen, dining room, and living room.  In my experience, those kitchens tend to be tiny.  There looks to be plenty of cabinet space.  There's a pantry too!  On the other side of the kitchen is a very small dining room.  To be honest, I think we're probably going to want to get a smaller table in time, but for now ours will do.  Being in the back of the house, away from the living room and bedrooms makes this space ideal for homeschooling and crafts too!  The laundry room is just off the dining room. and so is the master bedroom.  The master bathroom isn't anything stunning, but I'm excited to have my own bathroom again that can be a no-kid zone!

Some features I've been spoiled with back home definitely aren't here.  We have no back yard, which is pretty standard in apartments, however, there's also only one door.  It would have been nice to have a back porch or back door.  Then again, I'm also finding that one way in or out is pretty typical of Texas apartments, especially on the second floor.  It's very strange, but even when they do have two doors, I'm finding that on many occasions, the doors lead out of the same room!

However, this place doesn't look bad.  The way I look at it, we'll be here for a year.  A year's time is definitely enough to make an opinion on the place.  If we like it, we'll stay.  If we hate it, well, we've got plenty of time to start saving for another place, and getting our deposit back will definitely help fund moving into a new place.  In all honesty, I don't see us really wanting to move anyway.

This whole thing is very exciting.  I can't wait to get settled in.  I've got a lot of incentive to get everything settled in and in order.  I want to have a house warming party.  I don't know if it's inappropriate to throw your own house warming party or if a friend is supposed to arrange it for you.  I guess it's sort of like the bridal shower I never had, and the baby showers I never had.  However, it's not about the gifts or anything like that.  It's not about showing off our beautiful new home (especially since most of my friends will be living in nicer homes than I am!), but it will be about celebrating getting all settled in to our own place with no room mates to worry about!  It will be about enjoying the fact that once again we have a home.  In truth, we'll probably just end up sitting around and playing cards or something!

So, moving day is looming ever nearer, but I'm not worried about it anymore.  We get all our utilities set up on the first.  We're going to have much of the stuff we're not using moved in before then.  After that, we won't have far to go to get everything into the new place and be completely done!  This is shaping up to be the most stress-free move I've ever made!

Moving Again?

That's right, we're moving again.  I know it seems like I just can't put my feet down for more than a minute before I'm off and running again.  That's kind of how I feel.  It seems like we're in a constant state of change, jumping from one place to the next with reckless abandon.

In truth, it all started with a decision to do what was best for my family.  Had things gone differently, we never would have had a reason to leave the last apartment that would have just been my family.  We would have had some sense of stability, something my whole family really needs.  Unfortunately, for reasons that really aren't necessary to revisit at this stage in my life, that didn't happen.  We moved in with a friend as it would be a temporary situation, at least until we could get our feet on the ground.

As things would have it, that didn't work, and a better opportunity came up.  Then that opportunity didn't work out for it's own reasons, in part because of the great number of people under one roof.  We moved again to a situation that should have been an improvement, but again we're finding this isn't the situation for us.  I'm not going to point fingers or place blame.  No good ever comes of that.  However, we've all just come to realize that we can't live together, for a variety of reasons.  I have to admit, it would be so incredibly easy to go into it all, but the time has come to put the past behind us and look forward to everything coming our way.

Given our situation, there are certain realities we're going to have to face.  We can't afford a beautiful home in a really nice neighborhood.  In truth, we're looking at some of the less desirable neighborhoods, but not necessarily somewhere bad, just less classy.  We're likely going to have to make use of the local laundry facilities as we won't have a washer and dryer.  However, the boys will be able to share a room and my daughter will have her own room again, something that I'm thrilled about.  There should be fewer arguments that way.  I would love to have a place with a big back yard and a garage, but the reality is that's just not in the cards.  Right now what we're able to get is a stable roof over our heads for the next year so we can work on getting our lives in order.  Perhaps in a year's time we can start looking at somewhere nicer that's closer to my partner's work.  If it turns out not to be a terribly bad location, we might even decide to stay and save up until we can move back home or at least into our own house.  Of course, that will mean a lot of repairing damaged credit before then.

In truth, I'm looking forward to this.  I like the idea of it being my family and my home again.  I like knowing I have a place to invite everyone over to play cards.  I don't need to worry about conflicting with something the house mates are doing.  I don't have to worry about anyone but my own family.  If the dishes don't get done, I know they're my family's dishes and I'm the one responsible for them.  It now becomes my choice to do them or not, so if they didn't get done, it's my own fault.  If the floor doesn't get swept, there's no one to complain about it or do something about it but me.  Even better, there's no cat to pee all over everything in the house!  There will just be my family, our rabbit, our snake, and our rat.  Yes, the pets will need to be kept after still, but at least being caged animals restricts their ability to make a mess and damage the place in comparison to a cat or a dog.  I can once again go back to my house and my rules without having to worry about stepping on toes.  There will be no toes to step on aside from my own!

While the idea of moving for yet a fifth time this year makes me want to scream, I'm really happy about it.  I know this will be the last time for a while, possibly for the next couple of years.  This means we're looking at stability, which is something I really feel we need right now.  We'll be in a good solid position to start making a dent in my bad credit and start saving for our future.  Our family needs this right now.  So, while the timing stinks and I'm not looking forward to the work involved, I'm really happy about this change!

Happy Yule/Solstice!

I know many of you who read this blog aren't Pagan, but many of you are.  For those of you Pagans out there, Happy Yule (or Solstice, whichever you prefer)!  It's that wonderful time of year.

As I look at my surroundings, I'm reminded exactly why I want to move home so badly.  All of my friends on Facebook have been commenting about the snow in Massachusetts.  There isn't even a chance it might snow here.

I know what you're thinking.  If it were actually snowing, I might not be so happy.  I'd be shutting myself up in the house so I can avoid the crazy drivers.  I'd be complaining about having to shovel.  The cold always makes everything hurt.  I'm just not a person built for cold weather!

Still, I look back at my time in the cold winters of the North East and I can't help but feel it's home.  That's where I belong.  I really do love the snow, even if it comes with it's own challenges.  It's a part of who I am and where I'm from.  I guess that makes it almost a part of my history.

I remember when my daughter was a year old deciding to go out in the snow one year.  We needed to run somewhere, but I don't remember where, probably to the grocery store.  It was evening and dark, but with all of the city lights in Salem reflecting off the snow, it's amazing how bright it was.  I always forget how incredibly light it is at night with all the snow.  Even just the moonlight seems so much brighter!  During the snow storm it seemed warm.  The snowflakes falling from the air were so incredibly beautiful.  Even though I was already in my twenties by then, I was still trying to catch snowflakes on my tongue like a little kid.  My ex was annoyed by the weather, but I loved it.

Last year we had a reasonable snow storm here in February.  All the kids were out making snow men or having snowball fights.  I drove around taking pictures of things all covered in snow.  I had way too much fun with that!  I had forgotten how much I loved the snow.  The only thing that saddened me was being unable to dress for the weather, and worse, not being able to dress my kids for the weather.  The kids don't have snow boots and their sneakers are Converse made of canvas, so they're not really ideal for snow.  We were in the middle of moving, so their hats and scarves were all packed up.  We were in the middle of a hot streak in February!  We weren't going to need them until after the move, right?  The kids did still freeze in the snow so they could go play, but it just wasn't the same.  I'm really looking forward to moving back to New England some day in the future and really getting to enjoy the snow again.

However, until then, I'm just going to have to enjoy my Yule.  The sun's light will be returning.  I've already made my plans for this new year.  A lot will be going on for the year!  It's exciting!

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Yule, and for those of you who don't celebrate, Christmas is right around the corner!

I Don't Lie to My Kids (or What Do You Mean? Santa Is Real!)

"How could she accuse me of lying to my kid?" I thought as I was realizing that video games aren't always such a bad thing.  If it hadn't been for Tetris, I would have had a lot more to fear while trying to stuff presents into the top of a closet that was clearly never designed for hiding Christmas gifts in mind.  It was bad enough that I was taking my life into my own hands by trying to fit all these presents up onto this shelf.  I didn't need to be angry as well.  Doesn't Christmas come with enough frustrations?  Shopping, traffic, that stupid light that manages to put out half the string, despite the advertisements that promise the rest will stay lit even when one light burns out?  Did I really need to compound the matter?

I couldn't help it!  I don't lie to my kids!  I might creatively dance around the truth, but I never lie!  I mean, there are just some things that children aren't ready to know!  I'd like to think it's okay to dance around the subject of how babies end up in a mom's belly with my children at this point.  That topic's just a little more adult than I'm ready to tackle with a seven year old and a three year old.  Still, I don't lie to them.  It's not like I told them that the stork magically drops the baby off in the mother-to-be's belly or anything.  It's just something that the mom and dad do together.  That's about all they care to know right now, and that's about all I care to tell them!

However, when it comes to the whole Christmas thing, I've been accused of lying to my children!  I mentioned my children couldn't wait to see what Santa brought them this year and this mother, suddenly adopting a superior attitude, informed me, "We don't believe in lying to our children.  My children know very well there's no such thing as Santa.  They've always known it was just a story."  Her children, for anyone who is curious to know, are the same age as my older two.

I was shocked!  Kids that didn't believe in Santa!  More importantly, kids that didn't believe in the magic of Christmas?  I can understand that there are some religions that prohibit concepts like Christmas and Santa, but if you're already celebrating Christmas and decorating your house with cute little Santa mugs and reindeer coasters, perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to let your children indulge in a little of the magic of the season.  It's one thing with your own family, but to then turn around and accuse me of lying to my children because I encourage them to imagine, to hold onto the fantasy and magic of it all?

For a split second, while I was moving all of my son's presents into one neat pile on the shelf, I thought that she was perhaps right.  Maybe it was wrong to lie to my kids.  Maybe I should just get it over with, tell them Santa's not real, that it's all just a story.  Wouldn't it be better than lying to them?  I'd had this thought several times before, but somehow with this sudden accusation, it really hit home.

I think the spirit of Christmas heard me on that one.  Immediately four little bitty presents, just the size to be stocking stuffers, thought they would never see the inside of a stocking, tumbled off of the shelf they were securely tucked on, pelting me in the head.  I have to say, I'm truly glad my aunt sent a lot of really small and light presents for my son because I think I would have suffered a concussion if it had been books or games to land on my head!

As I picked up the little packages, I realized the tape had popped on the end of one.  I took that moment of distraction to check the other presents for tiny repairs to the wrapping job.  Keeping presents wrapped without the tape giving or the packaging ripping for an extended period of time is hard enough!  These packages all had the additional challenge of traveling half way across the country by mail.  For that brief moment I stepped back from my thoughts, taking stock of the presents and assessing each for repairs that would need to be made as I pulled them all out to place them under the tree.  Nothing was too serious, just a few popped pieces of tape and one small tear, nothing that couldn't be taken care of pretty easy.

The presents started going back up on the shelf and I started thinking about the whole thing again.  I came to the conclusion that I really needed to figure out the root of this problem.  After all, if I believe in Santa, the spirit of Christmas, and all of that, then how am I lying to my kids?  It's no different than telling my children that God or any other higher power exists, though I've got no hard evidence.

Thinking about this whole belief in Santa thing, I remembered my most fond Christmas memory ever.  Every year around Christmas time my mom would take us to the teddy bear store in Concord, Mass.  I'm not sure if the place even exists anymore.  I think we were going to look for gifts for family, but I'll be honest, I have no idea why we'd go.

This one year she took us several times and each time she would look longingly at the same stuffed rabbit.  She would tell us every time that she would come back for him one of these days.  She would just admit that she couldn't buy him for herself.  It's Christmas time.  She couldn't be buying things for herself.  She had to worry about everyone else.

It was so sad the last time we went there before Christmas that year.  The rabbit was gone.  I don't think my mom wanted to admit being as disappointed as she really was.  She was never one for showing a lot of emotion.  She just shrugged it off with this whole "Oh well" attitude, but we didn't go back that year.

Every Christmas morning my sister and I would wake up early to go look at all the presents under the tree.  The tree would stay lit all night, even though it usually was turned off when everyone went to bed.  Typically we'd be checking out how many presents we each got.  That's what kids do, right?  Not that year!  My sister and I both stood peeking through the French door to our living room in our nightgowns, but neither of us had our attention on the Christmas tree.  We were both fixated on the stockings.  Sitting there, tucked into my mom's stockings the way you always see in the movies was a soft looking brown and white rabbit, the very same one from the bear store.

My sister tore through the house screaming that my mom had to come look!  Everyone had to wake up right then!  My mom had the best present ever!    That was definitely a Christmas to remember.

My mom was definitely surprised by it.  My dad swears it wasn't him, but Santa, even to this very day, even though my sister and I aren't kids anymore.  I honestly have to say, that was the most magical Christmas ever.

That got me thinking, with moments like that, how could I not believe in Santa?  After all, Christmas miracles do happen.  Perhaps Santa isn't some jolly old fat man who says, "Ho, ho, ho!" and has a serious addiction to cookies and milk while neglecting his hard working reindeer's needs.  It's far simpler than that.  Santa is every person who gives a gift without taking credit for it.  Santa is every person that helps to make a Christmas miracle happen.  Santa is every person who puts so much as one little, inexpensive toy in the box for Toys for Tots, or into the food shelter donation boxes.  Santa is every person who volunteers to spend their Christmas feeding the homeless, or on call at the ER.  Santa lives within every one of us when we give freely and truly embrace the Christmas spirit, especially the part where it's not about the receiving, but the giving.

In light of that, I truly don't think I'm lying to my kids.  I've never once told them that Santa is some jolly old fat man who comes down the chimney or breaks into our home to deliver presents.  I've simply told them that they get special gifts from Santa every year.  It's never a lot, unlike what I used to get.  I remember years where the presents were positively spilling from under the tree.  However, it's something, from some unknown individual. and as much as my children may accuse me of being Santa in the future, I'm never going to tell them it's really gifts from me.  Why?  Because I don't need the credit of being "the awesomest mom ever!"  I'm doing it just to see the smiles on my children's faces when they open something they've really wanted, or something that I know will make them happy.  I'm just showing my children a wonderful example about life, that Santa is the Christmas spirit.  It's the part where you give in love to those you care about, to those you may never have met before, and to those who you may never even see.  Santa is my aunt who sends presents that fill my shelf and have to be stuffed back in every time I open the closet door.  Santa is my grandmother, who never sends much, but what she does send generally ends up with my daughter overjoyed and my son just tossing it aside and ignoring it for presents that are far more fun, and then you can't get it out of his hands a week later, especially the hats!  Santa is alive and well, if you only know where and how to look.

So, yes, I believe in Santa, as a full grown adult.  I want my kids to believe in Santa.  I want them to learn what the spirit of Christmas is actually about!  I want them to see that it's not about how much you have to spend or the hassle of shopping.  I want them to approach the whole holiday season with joy!  I have to admit, that's how I've always felt.  I don't think of Christmas shopping with the idea of "Ugh...I have to buy a present for this person now...  I don't know what to get for them!"  Instead, I approach it with the mantra, "Stay on budget.  Stay on budget.  If some year we're not tight on money, then you can go crazy for Christmas, but stay on budget!"  Why?  Because I love picking out something perfect for the people I love.  I love being able to donate toys and goods to charity.  If I had the money, I'd probably do it all year round!

To that mom with the superior attitude, believe you're doing your best for your children all you want.  That's what being a parent is about.  However, I'm going to sit back, take a deep breath, and know that I'm doing the same.  Yes, I may be filling my children's heads with dreams and fantasy, but I'm a dreamer too.  Besides, sometimes believing in the magic is all that it takes to find a way to make it real.

So There Is Nature in Texas!

This morning I found out something shocking, that there are beautiful natural areas in Texas!  It's not that I thought there couldn't be.  In truth, I was fairly certain that there must be nature around here somewhere, and that it had to be as beautiful as the natural areas back home in some way or another.  I was certain that there had to be somewhere I could take the kids for a hike.  I jut didn't want to have to drive several hours to get there!

All of this started with a photo shoot for my job as a dancer.  We were going to get some new photos to put up beside a workshop I'm teaching.  I had contacted a friend of mine, a local photographer, and we were all set up.  He was going to be doing pictures of another model today at a local park and he thought we could make use of the time and his travel and use the same location.  I thought that would be lovely.  There's something beautiful about dance costumes in nature.  We decided we were going to do it.

Aside from the freezing temperature this morning, the whole trip was beautiful.  Our first stop was at this lovely little waterfall with steam rising off it in the morning light.  The sun hadn't yet descended to the water yet so we were still immersed in shadow.  I was assured that while the day was quite cold, the water was actually rather warm.  I didn't have the guts to find out.  We went on to walk through some of the different paths.  It was quite lovely.  I couldn't imagine what it must have looked like before the dam was set into place.  You could see where it appeared that years ago water had worn away the the landscape.  There were even shells hidden in a pile of rocks.  The whole thing was truly an adventure, so much more so than our little trip out to take a few photos.

We're going to have to go back to that lovely little spot some time, but next time I'm bringing the kids (and not getting up at the crack of dawn!) so they can enjoy a nice walk in nature.  It's been too long since we've really been able to enjoy the world around us.  I can't wait until we can go out there as a family!  It may have to wait until warmer weather, or at least a warmer day, but I think it will be fun!