Everyone seems shocked when they hear that I don't talk to my mother all the time. They seem shocked that she doesn't even send gifts or cards for the kids at Christmas. I can't count the number of times I've heard friends comment that I've got to have some kind of problem with my mom because she and I aren't close. In truth, I think that's the way both my mom and I like it. We keep our distance and don't talk much and when we do talk, we actually get along. I've got my own issues of feeling like I'm not living up to her standards. I'm sure she has her own reasons for keeping distance. As she's told me before, she's always felt like she did the best she could, but it was never enough for me. I think we both have some work to do on that front, but for now, I think we both like this arrangement.
However, I'm not so distant from my whole family. My aunt, for example, is a wonderful person. She's given me all sorts of advice and help over the years, even dating back to when I was still in school. She helped my find my direction with homeschooling and has always been good to bounce ideas off of. No matter what I do, or how stupid I've been over the years, I've always been able to come back to her and admit when I was wrong. She doesn't ask for much. She doesn't even ask for an apology. All she asks is that I can recognize where I've made my mistakes so that I can grow as a person and start working towards a more positive and healthy lifestyle. I have to admit, it hasn't always been easy, but I've always been able to count on her to tell me like it is.
Just yesterday we got another huge box from my aunt. I can't count how many people seem shocked at the number of boxes I get from my aunt every year. There have been books, holiday stuff, and birthday presents. I have to admit, in a way she makes me feel bad because I can't afford to get my children tons of things for birthdays and Christmas, but she sends so much for every birthday and holiday. Last Christmas, for example, I felt really bad about it. Somewhere in my mind I thought my kids would think she loved them more than I did because I didn't get them so much for Christmas. This year I feel different about it. It's not about how much I love them. It's not about how much I can give them. My kids are with me every day of their lives. I play with them, teach them, sing songs with them, and read with them. We've gone out to parks and play dates together. It may not seem like much, but that has value. I'm not saying that my aunt is trying to make up for that valuable time together with stuff. I know she's definitely not! However, I have to recognize that gifts aren't a sign of love. Gifts are an opportunity for one person to do something nice for another. It's just something you can do to make another person happy.
I have to say, I've lost a lot of jealousy for my aunts gifts this year. When I look at that neatly stacked pile of presents, I'm not thinking about how I'm such a bad mom because I didn't get my children that many presents and she totally outdid me, again. Instead I see them and I've got to resist the urge to pick open the wrapping just enough to take a peek, like some little kid in anticipation of their Christmas gifts, and the presents aren't even for me! I know she's made a lot of hand-crocheted gifts and holiday decorations for the kids. I also know how much fun she has trying to pick out things that would be good for each of the children on her shopping list. I look at them and have to wonder where she went to pick out each present, who she was with, and what else they did that day. It's almost like each present is filled with some story or adventure. Actually, I know my aunt well enough to know that's true! Instead of being jealous because she can spend more money and time on my children's gifts than I can, I'm thinking about how much fun she must have had trying to pick it all out and decide what she was going to make. I think of my own trips to the yarn shop to pick out the perfect yarn for a project, which is almost always more fun when it's a gift. I think of the joy of each step of creating the item. I often forget how much fun it is to shop for someone else. I realize just how much my family is loved.
I know Christmas can easily become a time of depression, frustration, and anger. It's easy no to think highly of yourself or your situation if you can't provide enough presents to spill out from under the tree. It's so easy to become angry when you see someone outshining you that year. In my case, it would be so easy for me to become angry that someone could spend all this time and energy on my kids, but didn't spend the same time and effort on me. Unfortunately, Christmas can easily become the game of who can provide more, or the best gift of the year. It's all to easy to forget why gifts are given, and what the meaning of Christmas truly is.
I have to say, I'm incredibly lucky to have someone who cares so much about my kids and I. I'm incredibly lucky to have someone who enjoys making each holiday and birthday so incredibly special. I love the way my children's eyes light up when they see each new box show up with that same name and address for the sender. I enjoy watching them open each present possibly as much as they do! I look at each and can't help but wonder what the story behind each gift is. I'm very lucky to have someone who sends us so many books and so much educational material. I've gotten tons of wonderful suggestions on schooling my children. I can honestly say I don't know what I would do without my aunt!
This holiday season I think it's really important to recognize the people in our lives that mean so incredibly much to us. My aunt is only one of many people who I'm incredibly lucky to have in my life. I may not have that same daily or weekly check-in that so many of my friends have with their mothers, but I know I always have my family.
No comments:
Post a Comment